If Christmas music were considered a genre unto itself, defined not by a
particular style but by a common theme, I probably would have to count
it as my favorite even though I only listen to it for about a month out
of every year. I sometimes claim that I never met a Christmas song I
didn't like. But this is a sugary lie. Oh, I've encountered them all
right, and there are several I wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley, or
in a well-lit shopping aisle for that matter. There are some that make
me cringe with the dawning of those first distinctive notes. And then I
go ahead and sing along anyway. When it comes to music, sometimes hate
is almost as good as love.
I hate Last Christmas. Okay, that's too strong a word. Heartily dislike.
It induces reverse peristalsis more surely than a month-old fruitcake.
Honestly, who thought this was a good idea? No, no, I mustn't say that,
because Last Christmas was a smash, so the catchy tune obviously raked in a lot of money for WHAM!, who were gloriously spoofed in this year's Music and Lyrics, particularly in the song Pop! Goes My Heart, which I really hope gets a little love come Oscar time. But a spoof is one thing. Last Christmas certainly seems earnest to me, even if it originally was intended to be entitled Last Easter, which just strikes me as completely jarring, but I think I'd prefer it because you never hear Easter music on the radio and this song probably would have gotten lost in the shuffle.
I was listening to Delilah earlier this month, and a guy called in
requesting this song as a dedication to his newfound girlfriend, citing
the line "This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone
special." Bah.
First off, it seems like a really dumb
dedication song since the addressee is the old girlfriend. Secondly, I
despise that line because obviously the narrator thought that girl was
"special" at the time. Moreover, it's clear that he still does, since
his only purpose in having a new girlfriend seems to be to rub it in the
face of girl number one, who judging by her reaction to his heartfelt
confession last year probably couldn't care less. In fact, the more I
listen to the song, the more I wonder if she ever was his girlfriend at
all; maybe she was just some hottie he hit on in a bar unsuccessfully.
At any rate, I don't believe any of his claims that he's over her.
"You'll never fool me again," he says at one point in the song, but
earlier he indicates that he'd fall for her all over again if she just
kissed him. New girl, watch out. If, in fact, you actually exist, which I
seriously doubt. I hate to be so cynical, but Last Christmas is just about the whiniest song I've ever heard. This guy's more pathetic than the dishrag in Build Me Up, Buttercup
who seems masochistically addicted to being manipulated, and that one's
bounciness is much more tolerable than this one's yowling.
And then there's the little matter of the absent long "a" in "gave" and
"save". I don't suppose George Michael can help his accent, but I sure
find it irritating. And what, pray tell, is this "man undercover" stuff
all about? Does this guy think he's James Bond or something? Because he
most assuredly isn't, though maybe a lesson or two from Roger Moore
could do him a bit of good.
I hope he isn't reading this
review. I wouldn't want to send him into an emotional crisis. Ah,
George... Maybe I'll have a change of heart next year.
Don't hold your breath.
No comments:
Post a Comment