"I'm Not Scared!"

Finally! I have been waiting for months for my little green buddy to show up on Epinions, and at last he is here, ready to be reviewed. My first exposure to Veggie Tales was the video from which this toy is taken. My sophomore theology teacher, a Catholic priest and all-around great guy, showed Where’s God When I’m Sca-a-ared as an example of how to take a story from the Bible and give it an entertaining new twist. I’ve been hooked ever since. In that video, Junior Asparagus watches a scary movie about Frankencelery and is unable to fall asleep. Seeing his distress, Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber drop from out of nowhere to bring the good tidings that Junior does not have to be afraid. Why, you may ask? Because, as Junior puts it when comprehension finally sets in, “God’s the biggest, and He’s on my team!”

I soon spread my love of Veggie Tales with my family, and while my youngest brother, Nathan, shares my general sentiments about the show, he does not share my affection for Junior. I fear that he finds his character to be slightly annoying. I, conversely, find him to be adorable, and my admiration is heightened by the fact that he, as one of the youngest members of the Veggie team, is often the most virtuous (Dave and the Giant Pickle, Josh and the Big Wall, Lyle the Kindly Viking...).

I was, not surprisingly, thrilled when I saw that Junior had been put into the form of one of that beloved childhood toy, the glow-worm. So it was that he emerged from a festively wrapped package at my twentieth birthday party. Ironically, I am given to understand that it was actually Nathan who twisted Mom’s arm to bring him home to me. Do I have a great brother, or what?

Junior Asparagus is a little fellow. He’s about the right size to tuck under your elbow. Not as big as a typical teddy bear, but my teddy bear probably is about as big in proportion to me as Junior would be in proportion to a toddler. His body is soft and made of light green fabric. About halfway up are his black felt mouth and plastic eyes and green nose. Above his eyes is his hair, which is a slightly darker green and looks like, well, a head of asparagus. Most of this is covered by his yellow nightcap, which is accented by a red pom-pom. The colors are bright but soft enough to lend a sleepy air to Junior.

His most endearing feature is his light-up eyes, accompanied by music. Squeeze him close, and his eyes will glow gently and he will announce, “I’m not scared!” before humming the tune of God is Bigger than the Boogeyman. This lasts only half a minute or so, but it can be very comforting. I took Junior with me when I went to Europe over the summer. I searched for him when I came home the evening of September 11th. Whenever I’m feeling especially unsettled, Junior serves up a quick reminder that I don’t need to be afraid.

Occasionally, he has produced the opposite effect. Junior cannot be switched off, so more than once I have woken myself up in the middle of the night by rolling over on him and causing him to break out in song. This is mildly startling, but far worse is when Junior’s batteries get jostled and his singing becomes either imperceptibly quiet, a series of strange sound effects, or a very slow, low rendition that sounds like some sort of malevolent un-dead creature. This has only happened to me a couple times, and each time the circumstance was easily corrected. Easy solution... Don’t let your brother throw him at you!

Junior takes three AAA batteries which last for a pretty decent amount of time. I don’t believe I have had to change his batteries since I got him in February. I would recommend Junior for anyone, young or old, who enjoys him on Veggie Tales. Glow-worm appreciators may also find themselves easily attached to him. He’s cute and comforting, and I as a college student am not ashamed to give him my highest recommendation.

Step Aside, Sergeant Pepper!

I awoke Tuesday morning to the strains of Simon and Garfunkel emanating from the television. I was eerily reminded that my day exactly three weeks before had begun with finding them in the news. My normally cloudy morning personality was downright stormy, and Dad pointed out an article in that day’s newspaper about their new compilation album. It did succeed in making me smile, and soon I was watching Good Morning America from the kitchen, semi-ready to face the day. Had I known what the day had in store, I may have followed my first instincts and stayed in bed... So here it was, three weeks to the day, my dad headed to a meeting he had last attended on the 11th, and I was getting a creepy sense of deja-vu. I was relieved to discover upon the close of the evening that history had not repeated itself.

But the haunting melody remained. “Time it was, and what a time it was, it was / a time of innocence, / a time of confidences. / Long ago it must be, / I have a photograph. / Preserve your memories, / they’re all that’s left you.” It was played in memory of two sisters who perished in a tornado that struck the University of Maryland. Simon and Garfunkel was their favorite group, Bookends their favorite song. And what a powerful reminder to us all to cherish each moment. Thousands of people now have only photographs of the loved ones they lost on September 11th. The magnitude of that event was such that it robbed an entire nation of its innocence. Whether it is terrorism or a tornado, life can be snatched away with no warning. Perhaps we will be more inclined to appreciate that now.

Bookends is Simon and Garfunkel’s most unique album. I once read that when Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band came out, Paul Simon was depressed because he was convinced nothing Simon and Garfunkel could do would ever come close. Luckily for us, he turned that jealous awe into resolve, and he and Art Garfunkel emerged with one of their strongest albums, only slightly surpassed by Bridge Over Troubled Water.

The album has the feel of a single, with one side that is what the record is all about and another that fills up the available time with good music that isn’t really what people bought the album for. Bookends is all about side one, and the five songs which fill the second side just make the album all that much more worth buying.

The first of these is Fakin’ It, a rather hard-edged song about being thrown into a destiny that isn’t really yours. Spoken apparently from Paul’s perspective, it presents the notion that he happened to be dropped into the right place at the right time and that he got all this fame by mistake. He muses, “Prior to this lifetime / I surely was a tailor.” I suppose the same would apply to Art as well, though the profession might be different. It’s not on my list of favorite Simon and Garfunkel tunes, but it does provide food for thought.

Next up is Punky’s Dilemma, whose tone is the exact opposite of Fakin’ It. Very lazy and laid back, it was written to be a part of the soundtrack for The Graduate but never made it in. It is quite silly to begin with. “I wish I was a Kellogg’s cornflake, / floatin’ in my bowl, takin’ movies.” “I wish I was an English muffin, / ‘bout to make the most out of a toaster.” But the third verse qualifies the first two, indicating that the speaker is daydreaming about being in these bizarre situations because he is about to be shipped off for military duty. He wishes he didn’t have to go, and he can sympathize with the draftee who does not feel himself bound by honor and chooses to act upon his escapist wishes rather than risk his life fighting in a war he doesn’t believe in.

Speaking of The Graduate, next up is Mrs. Robinson, the only song featured in prominence in the film that was not taken from a previous album. In the movie, it only had a chorus, but now there are verses which lend further insight into the character of this seductress, as well as the state of events that allowed her affair to occur. The chorus itself seems to be an instance, found in a couple other Simon and Garfunkel songs, of the lyrics saying exactly the opposite of what they mean. They seem to be comforting Mrs. Robinson and rooting for her, but I believe that they are, in reality, mocking her.

The verses further elucidate that she is a disturbed woman in a disturbed society that does not want to admit it is anything but perfectly normal. “It’s a little secret, just a Robinson’s affair. / Most of all, you’ve got to hide it from the kids.” It even implies that she winds up in a mental institution. “Stroll around the grounds until you feel at home.” The final verse somehow manages to be the most powerful, even though it always seems out of place. “Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? / Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.” Young Ben, like most members of his generation, is hopelessly lost and looking for fulfilment somewhere. His family and his world seem devoid of meaning, and he agrees to the affair in hopes that it will somehow bring him a sense of wholeness. All it actually does, of course, is tear him apart.

Hazy Shade of Winter reflects the theme of Bookends in a much harsher manner. The speaker is young and life is spread out before him, but he doesn’t like what he sees. “Look around, leaves are brown / and the sky is a hazy shade of winter.” Time has already passed him by so quickly. There is so much that he has not accomplished, and the world is looking more and more ominous with each passing day. Verse three is dripping with sarcasm. “Hang on to your hopes, my friend. / That’s an easy thing to say / but if all hopes should pass away / then simply pretend / that you can build them again. / Look around, the grass is high, / the fields are ripe, it’s the springtime of my life.” Obviously he doesn’t believe that. Again, saying exactly the opposite of what he means, and echoing the sentiments of an earlier song in the process. Flowers Never Bend with the Rainfall is a much softer song which maintains a gentle sense of idealism that the speaker can’t quite reconcile to what he knows is true. Hazy Shade of Winter makes little pretense at optimism, and by the end of the song its negative outlook is such that it begins to weigh down upon the listener.

Which is why this side needed another Feelin’ Groovy-sounding track. At the Zoo is especially calm and quiet in the beginning. It does crescendo a bit towards the end, thanks in part to the variance of the instruments used. That, and they’re practically shouting by the last line. Nonetheless, this clever ditty which personifies many of the animals to be found in the zoo lightens the spirit after the heaviness of Hazy Shade of Winter. “The monkeys stand for honesty, / giraffes are insincere, / and the elephants are kindly but they're dumb. / Orangutans are skeptical / Of changes in their cages, / and the zookeeper is very fond of rum.” Mostly just a fun song that encourages us to take ourselves less seriously, and maybe entices us to visit the zoo when we get a chance. Also was made into a children’s book.

Now for Bookends. Beginning with the instrumental Bookends theme, it is a testament to time which chronicles life from youthful angst and idealism to middle age disillusionment to the melancholy of old age before coming full circle to end with the Bookends theme, this time with the words included.

When Art Garfunkel came to Erie last year, he described Poem on an Underground Wall as the strangest song Simon and Garfunkel ever did. I am inclined to disagree. Save the Life of my Child, which starts off this album, is my pick. I guess it accurately mirrors the confusion many adolescents experience as they try to find their place in society, but it sure is bizarre. The MOOG synthesizer is partly to blame. When they used it for this song, Simon and Garfunkel were being extremely innovative. The result was unsettling. The lyrics tell a tale of a boy atop a building, threatening to jump. Everyone runs to stop such an event from occurring, all the while expressing the sentiments that caused the young man to feel the need to jump in the first place.

Their singing here is not very harmonious, nor even melodious. It is largely wailing and screeching and funny voices making comments. Is this all Simon and Garfunkel, with their voices altered, or is it a chorus of other people? The mourning cries of the mother in the chorus which chill me each time I hear them certainly don’t sound like either one of them. When the singers are discernably Simon and Garfunkel, they tend to be chanting more than singing, and it’s not much fun to listen to them because there is so much shrieking and shouting going on in the background. The uselessness of the parents’ generation hearkens back to The Graduate, though this particular song had nothing to do with that movie. Especially revealing is the cop’s comment when he views the situation. “A patrol car passing by / halted to a stop. / Said Officer MacDougal in dismay: / “The force can't do a decent job / ‘cause the kids got no respect / for the law today (and blah blah blah).” He has utterly missed the point, and he is a part of the problem.

The song completely shifts gear at the end, when they announce, suddenly harmonious, that “he flew away.” I can only assume that means that the boy decides to jump, and in the midst of the chaos surrounding him, he suddenly has found peace because he doesn’t have to deal with it anymore. All the commotion of the song up to this point disappears, and the song fades away with Simon and Garfunkel, sounding like a duo of angels, singing “Oh, my grace / I got no hiding place.” All in all, an extraordinarily unnerving song.

America is much more my style. Surprisingly so, actually. This song, which didn’t hit the Top 40 until a live version was included on the Greatest Hits album – an odd self-fulfilling prophecy – is atypical of Paul Simon’s work in that it doesn’t rhyme. I happen to be a big fan of rhyme, and it’s usually hard for me to become very attached to a song which lacks it. But in this case, it was a long time before I even noticed that it didn’t rhyme. That’s how well-crafted it is. I just can’t get over the power of such simple lines as “It took me four days to hitchhike from Saginaw” and “Countin’ the cars on the New Jersey Turnpike,” whose impact is amplified by the simultaneous crashing of cymbals.

This gentle waltz is the story of a young man on a journey, searching for himself and searching for his country. I must admit a preference to the smoother, more lilting version found on the Greatest Hits album, but I heard that first so that probably has a lot to do with it. This version is a bit more guitar-oriented and leans less heavily on Art’s vocals. But either way, it’s a great song, a song worthy of being broadcast on ABC News a couple weeks ago behind footage of America finding its way to its feet. Its boundless idealism and sense of adventure balances out the despair of Save the Life of my Child, leaving an opening for the next phase of the album.

Overs shows the life of a middle-aged couple embroiled in mediocrity. Nothing is exciting or enjoyable anymore, and each is hopelessly bored with the company of the other. Complacency is the only thing that keeps them going. Both Overs and Old Friends have the same type of format, beginning and ending with Paul’s voice in prominence with a contemplative bridge sung by Art. In Overs, Paul begins by saying how all the zest has been sucked out of life. “...There’s no laughs left because we laughed them all, / and we laughed them all in a very short time...” When Art picks up the bridge on that note, the Bookends theme of time’s fleetingness is strongly stated. “Time is tappin’ on my forehead, / hangin’ from a mirror, / rattlin’ the teacups...”

Reminders are everywhere. Life is passing by, and here they are stuck in this unfulfilling relationship. “I’m habitually feelin’ kinda blue” packs a powerful whallop and drives home the central mood of the song. But when it comes right down to it, this couple is, to borrow a favorite line from Billy Joel, “sharing a drink they call loneliness, / but it’s better than drinkin’ alone.” They’d rather be miserable together.

Voices of Old People is almost universally agreed upon as the least successful track on the album. It is not a song but rather a montage of observations and reminisces by elderly folks interviewed by Art Garfunkel. It is very muffled and difficult to understand most of the time, and if each song on the album is a painting, this track is a collage. But it provides a nice transition into the final song on the album, which segues directly into Bookends.

Old Friends is, oddly enough, my thirteen-year-old brother’s favorite Simon and Garfunkel song. It is steeped in melancholy, yet its poignancy contains a sweetness as well. The almost Rockwellian vision is built on a series of carefully placed images. The song begins with the imperceptible humming of violins which swells when Paul’s wistful voice starts to set the scene. “Old friends / sat on their park bench like bookends...” Just before the song turns inward with Art’s ruminating bridge, the two sing together the most poignant line of the song. “...Lost in their overcoats, / waiting for the sunset...” Not only are they sitting together in order to watch the sunset, they are approaching the sunset of their own lives together. When Art sings, “Can you imagine us years from today, / sharing a park bench quietly?” we are forced to consider the prospect of growing old, just as Paul must have when he wrote this song.

As the song melts away into the Bookends theme, we realize how precious our lives, our friends, and our memories truly are. This powerful reminder to cherish the ones we love and treasure each moment first came when the Vietnam War and the threat of nuclear attack weighed heavily on the American psyche. Now that the prospect of war once again plagues our minds, let us reflect on the message of Simon and Garfunkel and cling tight to the love we once took for granted.

Ohhhh Noooo!!! The Next Generation of Tetris Lures in Unsuspecting College Student...

I first became acquainted with Snood last year, when I discovered that most of the members of the school's newspaper staff were addicted to this odd-looking game. Whenever an editor was late to a meeting, a fellow editor would announce, "Oh, they're probably playing Snood." Sometimes the game would even find its way into the meeting via someone's laptop.

I viewed this phenomenon with some bemusement, not entirely understanding the obsession but still itching ever so slightly to try it myself. Imagine my surprise when I returned home from my overseas travels to find that my brother had installed it on my computer in my absence.

"Wow," I thought. "This is that game that everyone at school is so obsessed with. I ought to give it a shot."

And so I did. I just started playing and figured it out as I went along. When I was younger, I used to spend hours playing Tetris. Now I found myself doing the same thing. Snood is quite a bit different from Tetris, but it still operates under the basic premise that keeping the board as clear as you can is a good thing.

In Tetris, you must navigate oddly shaped blocks into recesses of the same shape. When you complete a solid line, that line disappears. The goal is not to let the blocks touch the top. As an added frustration, you have a limited amount of time in which to rotate and maneuver each block.

In Snood, each object you are working with is a single unit whose shape and face depends upon its color. The blue Snood is a small circle that looks like Mr. Bill. The red one is roughly the same size and has a less definite shape. It resembles some sort of demon. The orange Snood is a large sun-like circle, green is a large square, purple is a triangle, and light blue is a square-like shape surrounded with fringes. Time is not an issue. You can take as long as you want to launch that Snood. Try to line it up with another of the same color, or start a new color group. In order to latch on to harder-to-reach Snoods, try ricocheting off of the side. You'll have less control over where it goes, but it might just lead you to eliminate a whole string of Snoods.

This is a game of strategy. You have to line Snoods up in groups of three. Sometimes a group much larger than that will be there when the level begins, and all you need to do in order to disperse it is attach a Snood to the whole lot. The bigger the group the better, and the more Snoods are supported by it the better. You get the highest points by dispersing large clusters of Snoods with several random Snoods attached to them with nothing left to cling to.

Snood comes in five basic levels: Child, Easy, Medium, Hard, and Evil. I started out always playing Journey, which takes you through the levels until you are unable to clear one, but now I stick to Evil, which is very populous, moves down towards the bottom of the screen very quickly, and includes many skulls, which are dead Snoods that can only be removed by shooting down the Snood clusters that support them. An additional option is Puzzle, in which Snoods are not laid out in rows but are arranged in a strange pattern. I've only played this a couple times. It's pretty tough.

Snood involves only the motion of waving around a mouse and clicking it. It can become monotonous, and if you've been staring at the screen for a couple hours playing it your arm will probably start to hurt and your eyes will start to water. The problem is that this game is so darn addictive! You get on your computer to do your homework and say "Oh, I'll just play a quick game of Snood before I write my paper." There is no such thing as a quick game of Snood. One leads to another, which leads to another, which leads to another... Don't let it happen. Be warned, Snood will grab hold of you and will not let you go willingly. Be prepared to fight back. If you try Snood, just know what you're getting yourself into...

Three Cheers for Peter Jennings!

ABC has been my main source for news for as long as I can remember. I eat my breakfast while listening to the latest feature on Good Morning America, which presents a balanced mix of hard news, fun stuff, and everything in between. I was, in fact, watching GMA on Tuesday, September 11. Charlie Gibson interviewed a young woman who had been raped while studying abroad. They had a feature on a man working for the Ugly Modeling company, after which Tony Perkins proclaimed, "Sign me up!" Charlie teased Diane Sawyer about the notes she had written on her hand in ink. And somewhere in there, I'm sure someone said something about Gary Condit. It was a typical morning at ABC.

I left the house at 8:15 and worked on the computer at school before going to class. I never saw the normal morning turn disastrous and deadly. I just heard at the beginning of class that some planes had crashed into the World Trade Center. When I left at 10:45, I joined the throng watching ABC in our school cafeteria. I then learned that the Pentagon had been hit, and my chest tightened. It would be several hours before I allowed myself to consider the full implication of this news.

I was reminded of the death of Princess Diana. I was reminded of the fiasco with the 2000 election. And I was reminded just how important television journalism has become. I stared at the screen for the next 45 minutes, watching the terror unfold. And yet, in the midst of the chaos, there was calm as the network made a coordinated effort to keep us abreast of the situation without causing us to fly into a panic.

I don't know how they did it. To be so close and to have to set aside their own fears and sorrow for the sake of our sanity... I admire the strength of every journalist, every photographer, every correspondent, every anchor. But one face stands out above all the rest. Peter Jennings. Somehow, as I kept my eyes glued to the television for the next week, he was always there. Always the model of composure, he stood at the helm and guided us through the days of uncertainty. Showing just enough of his emotion for us to realize how hard this must be for him, he never faltered for more than a moment or two as he told us what was happening and introduced us to yet another eye-witness or expert.

More than President Bush, more than Mayor Guilliani, more than Reverend Graham, I relied on the omnipresent Peter Jennings to get me through the week. I applaud his professionalism, his fairness, his gentleness. I am not ashamed to say how much I benefited from his forum with the children on Saturday. I have seen the healing power of journalism this week, the positive impact it can have when done well. I salute Peter Jennings and the rest of the ABC News team for their diligence and dedication, working for days on end with little or no sleep, little or no time to release their own emotions.

I really can't compare ABC to the other stations because I depended on ABC. I didn't change the channel. What I encountered was responsible and sensitive journalism presented by a group of people who, to paraphrase my favorite patriotic hymn, loved their country more than themselves. And in their own way, they were essential to keeping this country together in crisis.

America the Beautiful Should Be Our National Anthem!

I have always thought that America the Beautiful was a much more moving testament to the greatness of our nation, and certainly easier to sing, than The Star-Spangled Banner. But I never realized just how appropriate it was -- how appropriate it is especially now -- until Friday, when we sang it at the prayer vigil held at noon at my college. Although the most famous verse speaks mostly of the beauty of America's natural features, the other verses speak more directly of the beauty of the American people.

Ray Charles does, of course, sing the famous first verse in his rendition of the song. His soulful, classy cover of these lines was the highlight of the Superbowl for me. It floored me and stirred up patriotism within me. But when I managed to get ahold of a recording of his America the Beautiful -- which, to be fair, I should mention was part of a regular CD and not a single, which I was unable to locate -- I noticed that he begins not with the first verse, but with the third. I can't recall having heard the third verse before Friday. I recollect hearing the second and fourth verses before, but the third struck me like a bolt of lightning. It was as though that verse had been written specifically in response to Tuesday.

I don't know why Mr. Charles decided to start with that verse, but I'm glad he did. An eighteenth-century French historian observed that "America is great because America is good." I think we've forgotten that lately. We've forgotten that America is full of good people and we've forgotten to be good ourselves. We've allowed our nation to become the one described in Paul Simon's despairing American Tune. But Tuesday's tragedy reminded us that heroism is still alive and well here, and verse three honors those who made the ultimate sacrifice for their comrades. "O beautiful for heroes prov'd / in liberating strife, / who more than self their country loved / and mercy more than life."

Not only did many risk -- and some sacrifice -- their lives, the entire country has shown that we have realized what is truly important in life. We are willing to give up a little of our own comfort in order to help one another. I've seen it in our leaders, who never left their posts during this ordeal, but rather worked past the point of exhaustion in order to bring comfort to the nation. I've seen it in the American flags and other outpourings of patriotism. I've seen it in the playing of the Star-Spangled Banner at the changing of the guard in London and in other demonstrations around the world. I've seen it in the last-minute telethons that raise tens of thousands of dollars and in the mile-long lines at the bloodmobiles. It's here, and we are a part of it.

Charles does not sing the entire song in his version; he leaves out verses two and four, which both speak to us in different but equally important ways. Verse two concludes with "God mend thine ev'ry flaw, / confirm thy soul in self-control, / thy liberty in law." God has already used this horrendous event to mend our spirit and our sense of what really matters in life. We realize now how precious our lives are and how trivial so many of the concerns that plagued us a week and a half ago. But these words are also a warning. We need to exercise self-control and not allow ourselves to be drawn into the downward spiral of hatred that allowed those terrorists to do what they did. If we lash out against Muslims or Arabs or any other innocent group of people who have some identification with our attackers out of a misguided sense of vigilante justice, then the terrorists will have won. We must keep the moral high ground.

Finaly, where the second verse serves as a caution and the third as a tribute, the fourth verse declares hope. "O beautiful for patriot dream / that sees beyond the years. / Thine alabaster cities gleam, / undimmed by human tears." Right now, America is in a very dark moment in its history. It may be hard for us to think of America standing tall when we see the devastation in New York and Washington. But it will, and it has already begun to do so. As Mayor Guilliani said, "We're going to rebuild, and rebuild stronger." A terrible tragedy struck us last week, but the American spirit is stronger than ever. With that burning within us, we will make a better America, crowned in brotherhood. And that is the most fitting memorial for our fallen that we could ever hope for.

"Let's Free Willy!"

As soon as my dad and brother saw a preview for this movie at the movie theater, they knew I would love it. My brother eagerly told me about it when he returned home. So I was eager to see it, and I got my chance when Mom took me school shopping that August. After a morning of shopping and lunch at Chuck E. Cheese's, we settled in for one of my all-time favorite sappy movies.

Yes, I'll call it sappy. Free Willy has almost an E.T. feel to it, with a boy and a very non-human creature bonding and eventually the strength of that bond being tested when the creature's life is endangered. Free Willy begins with Jesse, a troublemaker who's spent his childhood in and out of foster homes, tearing up the town with a gang of friends. They eventually wind up at a run-down aquarium and proceed to decorate it with spray paint, until they are interrupted by authorities. Jesse is left holding the bag, and as punishment he must scrub off all the paint.

Meanwhile, he has been placed in a foster home with a couple who very much want to be a part of his life. They are eager to learn his interests and accommodate him, but Jesse takes a long time to warm up to them. And despite the statements of his kind-hearted but tough social worker, Jesse still believes that his mother is returning for him.

Jesse's life takes a turn for the better, however, when he encounters Willy, an orca who is the star attraction at the aquarium. The whale and the boy seem to understand one another, and Jesse is thrilled when Willy responds to the music of his harmonica and imitates his motions. All too soon his work at the aquarium is finished, and Jesse sneaks back at night to bid farewell to his friend. A slippery floor and panic at hearing footsteps lead Jesse to plunge into the tank, and miraculously, Willy comes to the rescue. Their bond is sealed, and Jesse's boss offers him a job working with Willy.

The plot thickens as Jesse learns that the park isn't making any money, and it will close down if they don't bring in some revenue soon. With the help of another whale trainer, Jesse is in a race against time to get Willy to deliver. And if Willy decides not to cooperate, the consequences will be far more dire than any of them could have imagined.

Free Willy is a fantastic movie about love. Love between two beings whom society has declared outcast, and how that love brings each of them home at last. The eventual conclusion is harrowing, bittersweet, and ultimately joyful, culminating in Michael Jackson's exuberant single, Will You Be There? All in all, a beautiful and heartwarming family film to be enjoyed by people of all ages.

"I Do Love Beach Balls...Especially the Round Ones"

Although I can't recall ever having seen this in the video store, it became a part of out video library years ago when my aunt taped it for us (along with Puff, the Magic Dragon, which I reviewed earlier). I'm not sure who produced this movie, and I rather doubt that it ever hit the theaters, though I do not know that for a fact. The Dragon That Wasn't (Or Was He?) is a cute cartoon complete with songs and an all-animal cast. (At one point in the movie, when the tumult over having a dragon in town has died down, a news reporter notes that dragons do indeed exist, unlike such mythical creatures as Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, and humans.)

The main character is a stately bear named Ollie who, amused by his butler Yost's fear of thunderstorms as a time for dragon breeding, reads an incantation from a book inviting a dragon to pay a visit to his estate. Yost is mortified, but his master laughs it off and goes to bed. He is befuddled but unpertubed the next morning when he discovers what appears to be a beach ball with brightly colored spots and a mind of its own. He decides to make it a gift to his lady friend, a squirrel whom he intends to invite to his dinner party as a special guest. His plans are averted, however, when the "beach ball" hatches, revealing a tiny, scaly green creature.

Infinitely adoring of his new son, whom he dubs Dexter, the bumbling bear does not see that the new member of his household is a dragon capable of great destruction when angered or frightened. Although he is cute and cuddly most of the time -- and, indeed, whenever his "father" sees him -- his occasional spurts cause him to grow enormous and fearsome. In the midst of this, he falls in with a no-good duo comparable to Honest John and his side-kick in Pinocchio. Under their tutelage, he becomes an accomplice in an extensive crime spree. Only Yost and the bears' friend and neighbor Miss Kitty know what must be done, and only Dexter's father has the power to do it. But Ollie refuses to consider the thought of returning his son to the land of the dragons, and it looks like turmoil for the whole town if something isn't done soon...

This entertaining movie is filled with endearing characters, from the bumbling hero to the paranoid Yost and practical Kitty, from the drunken duck to the Irish police dog, from the giddy squirrel to the gallumphing elephant. And of course there is Dexter, the sweet little dragon who only wants to please his father but keeps winding up in trouble. Although the songs are pretty forgettable and the movie seems to drag on a little at times, The Dragon That Wasn't (Or Was He?) is nonetheless a cute, action-packed cartoon which, like Free Willy, shows that love is not limited to members of the same species, even if the member of the other species is seen as a monster. And sometimes, love must also mean being willing to let go.

Dog Comedy is the Best of the Look Who's Talking Trilogy

I've seen all three Look Who's Talking movies, and I enjoyed this film more than its predecessors. All three are okay but not exactly great cinema. In this third installment, young Mikey and Julie are old enough to talk. Mikey is played by the young man from Phenomenon and Seventh Heaven, and while I don't recognize the actress playing Julie, I am relieved that she is old enough to talk here because Roseanne struck me like nails on a chalkboard in the second movie.

Kirstie Alley and John Travolta are still the parents, and this film introduces the new characters of Rocks and Daphne, played by Danny DeVito and Diane Keaton. At the beginning of the movie, Dad receives a very nice position with an airline while Mom loses her job of nine years due to cutbacks. Her new job working as an elf in a Santa display at the mall is less than ideal, but her kids are thrilled that she gets to work so closely with the big guy. Mikey in particular is impressed, and he is convinced that Santa is going to bring him the gift of his dreams: a dog. That is, until he wanders into the dressing room after hours and discovers that Santa is a fake.

Now faced with the disillusionment of his son which can't even be shaken by an entertaining lip-synching performance of The Chipmunk Song, Dad thinks it's time to take the dreaded step and get a dog. Behind his wife's back, he takes Mikey to the kennel and snatches a mutt right out of the jaws of the extermination chamber. But as if Mom isn't going to be mad enough already, Dad's attractive British boss shows up with her Radcliffe-trained poodle, accompanied by a steady stream of accessories. Now the family has two dogs and, increasingly, no dad as he continues to be called away for flights all around the world. As Christmas approaches, it becomes more and more clear that this boss has less than honorable intentions as she keeps him on the job, and the family begins to wonder whether Dad is ever coming back.

Meanwhile, Rocks is a holy terror, tearing up the household at every opportunity. Though initially met with great disdain by Daphne, the two eventually bond in a Lady and the Tramp-esque late-night adventure. But the frazzled mother has had enough of Rocks' antics, and it looks like he's headed straight back for the pound. Is the family doomed to an unhappy Christmas without dog or Dad, or is there just enough holiday magic to bring this family together?

I guess I'm just a sucker for dog movies, and that's probably why this is my favorite of the three films. I also appreciate the faithfulness of John Travolta's character to his wife and family. The kids are also now old enough to speak for themselves, and they do a fine job of it. This film still has a fair share of crude humor which I could certainly do without, but it you can ignore those parts then this is a decent movie to check out. It's not great, but it's not bad, either. If you liked the first two films, you'll like this one, and if you're like me, you'll agree that as far as this series is concerned, the third time's a charm.

A Musical Journey Through the Life of Jesus

When I was in second grade, my uncle first introduced my dad to Michael Card with The Life. He proceeded to play it prolifically, and I soon fell in love with collection of spiritually stirring songs, to the point that I was scrupulously transcribing the lyrics into my notebook so I could carry them around with me all day. This was only the first of many albums which we would purchase. Additionally, my dad went on to get me two piano books -- one of which was for this album -- and to purchase several of Card's books. He even devoted a Bible study series to Card's music.

I continue to regard Michael Card as one of the most talented composers and poets I have encountered, not to mention a very powerful example of a Christian witness. In this album, Card chronicles the life of Jesus (hence the title), from before He was born until after He ascended. The two-disc album covers a variety of musical styles ranging from meditative to joyful to harsh to gentle. Each song is masterfully crafted, and it's a shame they don't get more air time. Admittedly, I more frequently listen to classic rock or oldies stations on the radio, but I've spent enough time on Christian radio stations to know I'm much more likely to hear Michael W. Smith, Jars of Clay, or DC Talk. And I don't think I've ever heard one of the songs from this album on the radio.

The album begins with Overture to the Trilogy, a long instrumental piece incorporating the melodies of several songs on the album and ending with Card cantoring the first lines of John a capella. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. And the Word became flesh (and the word became flesh) and dwelt among us." This segues directly into The Promise, a quiet tune about how Jesus was not what anyone expected. "The Promise showed their wildest dreams had simply not been wild enough."

Immanuel is a very long song, and one of Michael Card's most famous. While The Promise is more guitar-intensive, Immanuel leans heavily on strings to give the richest possible flavor to the message "our God is with us, and if God is with us, who can stand against us?". Also contains a classic example of Card's love affair with alliteration when he describes Jesus as "a human baby bearing undiminished deity".

Carmen Christi, To the Mystery and The Final Word all are pretty upbeat, dealing alternatively with the nature of Christ and our response to it. While To the Mystery acknowledges our inability to fully grasp who Jesus is, instructing us to "give up on (y)our pondering and fall down on (y)our knees", the others shed light on who Jesus is. "At Jesus' name every knee shall bow in Heaven and in all the Earth. To the Father's glory, each tongue cry 'Jesus is Lord'..." (Carmen Christi) "He spoke the incarnation and then so was born the Son. His Final Word was Jesus, he needed no other one." (The Final Word).

Spirit of the Age is one of the harsh ones, warning against the force of evil which seeks to draw us in. This song matches the mood of the final three selections, Scandalon, describing Jesus in prophecy as "the truth who will offend us one and all, a stone to make them stumble and a rock to make them fall", What Will it Take to Keep You from Jesus, which answers its question with "a simple excuse from a heart that is hard, a reason that's nothing at all", and The Lamb is a Lion, which shows God "roaring with rage at the empty religion that's filling His days".

Celebrate the Child, which follows Spirit of the Age, jubilantly proclaims the arrival of the savior who will bring the world out of darkness into light. Joseph's Song is a beautiful meditation sung in the person of Joseph, who wonders "how can a man be father to the son of God?". Jesus Let us Come to Know You is a simple but lovely lullaby expressing a desire to know Jesus as fully as possible.

Meditation/Baptism is the last track on this disc before the aforementioned three. This, like the album's first track, is instrumental, and it also refers to other songs on the album.

The second disc is concerned primarily with Jesus' ministry, death, and resurrection. The Wedding recalls the miracle of changing the water into wine at Cana while also working in a contemporary context, inviting Jesus to be present at the ceremony which signals the start of a new life for both man and wife. "Lord of Light, please come to this wedding. Chase the doubt and darkness away. Turn the water of lifeless living to the wine of gladness we pray."

The Nazarene is a fairly simple song which demonstrates how human Jesus was despite -- or because of -- his divinity. "The fact of his humanity was there for all to see, for He was unlike any other man and yet so much like me." The Gentle Healer is perhaps the simplest song on the album, and certainly very gentle. Sung in a cappela, it shows how the perceptions of His followers changed from their initial characterization of Him as a "gentle healer" to their ultimate conclusion that He is "the Truth, the Light, the Way".

Forgiving Eyes, is a gorgeous song for the piano whose verses start out despairing but eventually swell into the hopeful chorus, signalled by a key change. It is sung from the perspective of the woman about to be stoned for adultery when Jesus interceded. "Just when I saw Him, the hope I had lost became born again. I was not hopeless. Though I'd been lost, now I felt I was found when He looked at me with those forgiving eyes."

God's Own Fool is likewise an excellent piece for the piano, and it introduces one of Card's favorite themes: paradox. Additionally, it is one of the few songs in his repertoire which Card sings falsetto. I can, in fact, only think of one other instance, though there may be more. The song weighs the way Jesus must have appeared to His worldly contemporaries against His divine reality, encouraging us to embrace the latter. "So we follow God's own fool that only the foolish can tell. Believe the unbelievable; come be a fool as well."

Why employs the classic question-and-answer song format to demand why Jesus had to go through what He did, from the betrayal by his friend to the thorns to the cross. Each response provides an eloquent and convincing reason, culminating in the notion that "Jesus had come into the world to steal every heart away".

Known by the Scars and Traitor's Look are both pretty intense. The former refers to Jesus' appearance before the apostles and His method of convincing Thomas of His true identity. The latter is a diatribe against Judas which ends in the startling confession that many of us have betrayed Jesus ourselves in our ordinary lives.

Ride on to Die and In the Garden are the most mournful songs on this album. The first sees past the jubilation of the moment (Palm Sunday) to the agony that will follow, while the second hints at the jubilation that will follow the current agony in the garden of Gethsemane.

Come to the Table is neither gloomy nor harsh, but it encourages Jesus' apostles to savor this Last Supper together, warning that "the One who is breaking the bread soon will be broken". Cross of Glory progresses to the scene of Jesus death, noting with increasing joy the significance of His sacrifice.

Finally, He Was Heard, Crown Him, and Joy in the Journey are all triumphant in their own right, jubilantly acknowledging that Christ has won the victory. Crown Him is the most exuberant of the three, while Joy in the Journey, which concludes the album, is soothing and reflective, remarking on the happiness inherent in a life lived with the Lord.

Quite an impressive undertaking, not only for Card but for the listeners as well. Card's compositions challenge us to think more deeply about our faith and the events of scripture, encouraging us to visit our Bibles often. Other albums contain songs about the life of Jesus, particularly his Christmas albums, and Card has also extensively covered portions of the Hebrew Scriptures and of Revelation and Hebrews, not to mention some songs which are not taken directly from scripture. But I consider this the most essential of his albums. Start with The Life, and let the music continue to impact your own life.

The Scariest Thing About Critters 3 is That it Was Ever Made

A few weeks ago, my little brother and I were searching for a movie in order to remove from our immediate memories a few lingering nightmare-inducing remnants of a rather unsettling movie. Why, then, in order to wash out the taste of serial murder, did we allow our channel-surfing to lead us to a film involving a species of aliens with very large teeth who decide to mutilate the unsuspecting residents of an apartment complex? Because it was bad. Very bad. Bad enough that we erupted into sudden bursts of riotous laughter induced by the cheesy cinematography or the gag-me-with-a-spoon dialogue. Bad enough that it now ranks with The Swans on my hierarchy of bad movies. Doesn't sound convincing enough for you? Read my review of The Swans. It's that bad.

Okay, okay. So I think I've made my opinion regarding the quality of this movie rather clear. But what's really scary is that it is the third -- and, might I add, not the final -- film in a series. If Critters 3 is in any way indicative of the quality of its predecessors and successors, I can't believe the captains of this ill-fated ship didn't bail out early on. Speaking of ships, Critters 3 harbors a familiar face. Leonardo DiCaprio, whose role in Titanic briefly made him one of the most recognizable names in Hollywood, stars as a troubled pre-teen who hates his step-father. That is, until about half an hour into the movie, when his step-father is torn to shreds by the hairy new tenants of the apartment complex he owns. Then, little Leo's character is overwhelmed with guilt, but he doesn't have much time to think about it since he's too busy trying to avoid becoming fodder for the insatiable critters.

Throw into the mix another troubled pre-teen, this one a girl desperate for her absentee father's attention, and her brother, a tiny tot with a magic object given to him by an eccentric man he met in the woods. "When it glows green," he tells the boy, "that's the time to watch out for yourself." Then there's the elderly gentleman who believes in the stories that aliens landed nearby several years ago and the portly, spaced-out woman who narrowly escapes a brush with the "nasty things," which she alternately describes as beavers and porcupines.

I'll admit that I did throw the covers over my eyes whenever those malevolent tumbleweeds sunk their cast-iron choppers into some poor victim's flesh, but as I averted my eyes I giggled. The attacks had all the authenticity of that of the killer rabbit in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, but this time, they weren't meant to be funny. They were. And the descriptions of the assailants were equally amusing -- particularly the manner in which they were delivered. The acting in this movie is most abhorrent. It ought to be shown to a beginner's drama class as an example of what not to do.

And then there's the whole link to the other movies through the "expert" critter catcher, who is sort of a mix between Gomer Pyle and Steve Urkel. Through a series of bizarre and baffling flashbacks, apparently actual clips from previous movies, we learn near the beginning of the film that this freaky-looking fella who rises out of the ground to scare little children was abducted by aliens. At the end of the movie, while the credits are rolling, we watch the unexpected footage which freezes at the most inopportune moments and reveals that the aliens who have ordered him to annihilate the critters have now informed him that he cannot finish the job. It's illegal to destroy the last member of a species.

And so we are prepped for Critters 4. Will the anticipation never end? Will I spend my nights nervously nibbling my nails into stubs as I consider the prospects of a world inhabited by an infant critter? Will I ever learn not to be lured in by TBS' late-night B-rated movie? And where did that tumbleweed in the corner come from? I don't recall seeing it there befo....arghhhhhh!!!!!

We Come in Peace -- NOT!

I should warn you, before you read this review, that Species is not my type of movie. I knew before I saw it that it wasn't going to be my type of movie. But then again, I thought I knew before I saw The Sixth Sense that that wasn't going to be my kind of movie either, and I wound up loving it. So my initial impressions can sometimes be faulty. But this was most assuredly not the case in this film.

I watched Species last weekend with my brother, who would be going off to college in a few days (he's there now). I had no interest in seeing it, thinking that it was just an extraterrestrial horror movie, but I agreed to sit down and watch it with him. I really don't think my presence added much, though. I spent too much time with a blanket pressed firmly up against my eyes...

Species begins in a scientific laboratory, where a young girl encased in an airtight observing room is about to be gassed. I suspected that she was some sort of alien but wasn't sure until I saw her great escape, wherein she leaps through the glass, or plexiglass, or whatever like a dolphin and streaks out the door. And as I watched the terrified child run off into the night, I felt sorry for her, and I figured maybe this movie wouldn't be so awful. Maybe it would be kinda like a mix between The Fugitive and E.T.... But I soon discovered that the main character, played by Natasha Henstridge, is no one to be pitied.

As she flees to the west coast by train, a team is assembled by Dr. Fitch (Ben Kingsley) in order to track down the human-alien hybrid and kill her. Assisting him in his quest are an empath (Forrest Whittaker), a professional assassin, and a couple of scientists. Their quest leads them to LA, where they're going to have quite a mess on their hands because their little girl has grown up and they have no idea what she looks like.

They soon manage to sniff out her trail, but catching her is quite another matter. Meanwhile, she is wreaking havoc on the city as she tries to find a suitable candidate for a procreating partner. She winds up killing just about everybody who is nice to her, plus a couple other folks. Don't get too attached to anybody in this movie. A few do make it to the end, but be on your guard.

This is not a pleasant movie. There is some profanity in it, though not quite as much as I would have expected. But the violence and eroticism more than make up for the sometimes decent language (though decent dialogue rarely comes into play here). After the initial period of feeling sorry for the poor little girl, you quickly realize that there is nothing to like about the alien. She is almost mechanical in her actions and kills with extreme violence and without remorse. Ben Kingsley's character, who I expected to like, is almost as robotic as she is; when a single tear runs down his cheek during the gassing I half-expected sparks to start coming out of his head.

The assassin and the scientists are mildly interesting characters. I found the woman quite irritating, but the adorable socially inept British fellow won my favor and the assassin, played by the foster dad from Free Willy, comes off nicely as a jaded and rather self-involved person.

The only character I really was able to enjoy, the only one who kept me from walking out, was the empath, who was played with doe-eyed sincerity by Forrest Whittaker. Whittaker won my admiration for his role in Phenomenon, and he stands here as the shining star in a dark and dreary movie. Was it his Osment-esque expressions of terror and compassion or simply his skill as a supporting actor? Maybe both? At any rate, I was impressed enough with his performance to bump my rating up a notch. So if you're a sensitive soul like me, watch the movie for him, or don't bother watching it at all -- unless you want to spend half an hour with a blanket over your head.

Stonehenge: At Least They Got Rid of the Wire Fence

During my five-and-a-half week trip to England, our group had several excursions which were planned by the people in charge of our program. Our last organized trip was to Stonehenge and Bath. I was tickled that we could include this in our itinerary because originally we were told that hoof and mouth would keep us from going there. Stonehenge is one of the most recognizable landmarks in the world, and I was glad to have the opportunity to see it close up.

I, and many of my comrades, were rather taken aback when we arrived at Stonehenge and were told that we would have less than an hour to explore the premises. An hour! But once we paid our money and went inside, we realized the wisdom of our leaders' decision. There's really not a whole lot to see.

The megaliths are encircled at some distance with a rope fence which does little in the way of obstructing the view but effectively transmits the message that visitors aren't supposed to go any closer. So we couldn't actually walk among the rocks. We could see them at a 20 - 30 foot distance. We heard that this was a vast improvement over previous years, however. Apparently until recently the stones themselves were surrounded by a wire fence that made it extremely difficult to see. We had a nice clear view, and in my pictures you can't even tell that there's a fence anywhere nearby.

Just being at such a famous and ancient spot was well worth the traveling time it took to get there and the fee we paid to get in. If I recall, I think it was around $8. But that was all there was. A big loop around the rock circle and we were back at the gift shop where we could buy any number of Stonehenge-related items. Beyond the parking lot, thousands of sheep grazed serenely in the rolling pastures. And that was Stonehenge. Forty-five minutes was plenty of time for all of us to see what there was to see.

Stonehenge was, of course, very crowded as well. There had been talk of going to a similar site nearby which was much less well-known than Stonehenge, but that never panned out. So Stonehenge is my sole experience to date with the ancient monolithic circles which were used by the druids and whose origins have mystified people for centuries. I'm glad I went, and there definitely was a mysterious aura about the place... But when it comes right down to it, it's just a bunch of rocks.

"MIND THE GAP!"

As some of you may have noticed, I haven't been around much lately. My last review is from the end of June. That's because I just spent six weeks in England, and whenever I wasn't doing work for my classes I wanted to be taking advantage of every free minute I had, even if it just meant hanging out in the dormitory lobby with my new friends, many of whom hailed from other countries. Anyway, I'm back now, ready to write and hoping to earn back my role as advisor as well (or "top reviewer", to use the new term).

While I was overseas, I spent the majority of my time on the campus of University College Northampton, which is just a couple of hours away from London by train. But part of our program included a one-week field trip, to be determined by the classes we took. Mine took me to London, while the other students hopped around Italy and France. My group stayed in London from noon on Monday until 6:00 pm on Friday. There were one or two scheduled excursions each day, which we were not obligated to attend. Essentially, we had free reign to decide what we did and did not want to do.

I know that there was a great deal in London which I did not see, but we managed to squeeze a lot into the time we spent there.

The Tower of London: This was our first stop, after we purchased our Tube passes. Really a misleading name, because the "Tower of London" is comprised of many towers and buildings. We were on a limited schedule and weren't able to see very much of it; I don't think any of us were expecting it to be as vast as it was. Tickets were about $12 per student; adult rates were higher.

Important advice: If you are a student, bring proof. ISIC cards are ideal, but most places will accept high school or college ID. Almost every place with an entrance fee has a student rate, so it's a big money saver.

Our first glimpse of the Tower consisted of an antelope placidly grazing in the yard outside of one of the towers. A plaque introduced him as Bobby, the tower's mascot. An English antelope... intriguing. We also got to peek at the royal ravens and walk along the upper wall to view the grounds below -- and to discover, to our surprise, that there are apartments just on the other side of that wall. In the courtyard, an English guard bedecked in traditional regalia stood watch; we took pictures of his giant teddy bear counterpart. And of course, we had to see the Crown Jewels. That had been our main reason for coming, after all. And they were most impressive. Glittering and gorgeous and I-don't-even-want-to-think-about-how-expensive. Not surprisingly, we weren't permitted to take pictures, but it was still worth the half-hour wait to get in to see them.

Jack the Ripper: Okay, so this wasn't a typical historical landmark, but on our first night our entire group went of a Jack the Ripper tour of London. Thank goodness it stayed light until quite late that night; I don't think I could've handled this tour in the dark. Our extremely knowledgeable tour guide took us to all the places where Jack the Ripper committed his murders and described in gruesome detail just how he carried them out. It was most informative but not for the faint of heart.

Globe Theater: Recently redone, this outdoor circular theater allows viewers to see plays staged much as they would have been in Shakespeare's day. This was also a pre-paid part of our trip, though I think the cost was also around $12. The seating areas are hard wooden benches, so investing in a cushion for $1.50 isn't a bad idea. And since Shakespeare isn't always the easiest fellow to follow, you might do well to purchase a program, which gives a nice synopsis of the play as well as background information on it and on the theater itself.

Westminster Abbey: Massive and marvelous, this house of worship is well worth visiting. Look inside ($6 for students) and see the walkway where Princess Diana's casket made its procession during her funeral. Stop by Poet's Corner, where you'll find plaques commemorating such greats as Lewis Carroll, the Brontes, and Geoffrey Chaucer. Walk through the rooms of statues memorializing the monarchs of the past and gaze upward at the intricate designs on the ceiling and around at the delicate stained glass windows. If a priest comes out during your stay in order to lead a moment of prayer, take the time to sit in the pew and use this building for its original purpose. When you leave -- or before you go in -- be sure to stop by Big Ben, probably the most famous clock in the world. It's a very short walk from one to the other, and if you go just a little further, you'll bump into the London Eye, the enormous ferris wheel constructed in honor of the millenium.

St. Paul's Cathedral is the other church you won't want to miss. It was high on my priority list because it is the backdrop for one of my absolute favorite Disney songs, Feed the Birds. Ironically, you won't find too many birds fluttering around the front of the cathedral, looking for a handout. For that, go to Trafalgar Square, where producing a bread crumb causes 50 pigeons to land on you. What you will find at St. Paul's, aside from another beautiful church, is an astounding view of London, should you feel inclined to climb 560 stairs to get it. It's a tough walk, but it's broken up by two earlier lookout points. One overlooks the sanctuary, the other overlooks London. At the very top, it's much like the Statue of Liberty in that the walking area is tiny and there are lots of people trying to see. So, despite the view, you won't want to stay up there too long for fear that an irate fellow traveler will attempt to fling you from the balcony. But I certainly considered it another $6 well spent.

Buckingham Palace, Downing St., and Scotland Yard are all nice to see, but that's about all there is to do. All three sites are very crowded, and there are thick gates obstructing the view to the first two. One plus to Scotland Yard: the mounted guards are out in front and more than willing to let tourists introduce themselves to their horses.

Kew Gardens is one place I'd actually never heard of, but I went there on the last day of my field trip. It's an amazing horticultural park filled with plants from all over the world. Beware: the top level of the main greenhouse is stifling and sweltering. However, if you go directly from the top to the bottom level, where the aquarium is housed, you'll get a nice refreshing blast of cool air to bring you back to life. The landscaping outside is amazing, and wild birds abound, gliding gracefully over the park's waters. This particular attraction is located in Zone 3, which is quite a distance away from most of the major tourist spots. I believe admission was about $8. In the more central area of London, you can find equally gorgeous landscaping and an overabundance of waterfowl in such refuges as St. James Park and Heyd Park, which are free as long as you don't sit on the lawn chairs.

This is only the tip of the iceberg of what there is to see in London. Be sure, before you go, to get a guide book so you have some direction and some idea of what you want to see. Another essential investment is a Tube pass; it will get you within visual proximity of virtually anywhere you want to go, as long as you can figure out the Tube map. It takes a little practice. And, of course, lots of film and lots of money. London is very expensive. But make sure you keep your money secure, because pickpockets are not an unusual phenomenon. One of the teachers in our group, an experienced traveler, fell victim to an Artful Dodger during our stay.

Whatever you do, keep an eye on someone in your group at all times. London is extremely crowded. People are everywhere, and if you turn your head for a minute, you may lose your companions entirely. And prepare yourself for the Tube. There is often a mad rush to get on and off, and more than once the subway doors closed with half our group inside and half out. There are often more people than seats, so make sure you situate yourself near a bar that you can hold on to if you're forced to stand.

The most amusing / annoying aspect of the Tube, at least to our group, was the constantly replayed reminder to "MIND THE GAP" -- that is, don't fall down onto the track when you're getting on or off the train. By Friday, we'd grown quite accustomed to it, just as we'd grown accustomed to the constant chorus of mobile phones, the shoving crowds, and the blanket of cigarette smoke that enveloped us everywhere we went. We grew accustomed to nearly being plowed down by motorcycles as we crossed the street and receiving looks of bewilderment when we asked for separate checks in a restaurant. And almost all of us returned for a day or two once we got back to Northampton.

London is an amazing city, and it is definitely worth a visit. I would recommend it to anyone for a week, but I could never live there. Too many people, too much second-hand smoke, just too much of a big city. But in small doses, London is a city with something for everyone and a place where you can make memories to last a lifetime.

"THERE GOES...RHYMIN' SIMON...'CAUSE HE'S THE BEST...TOTALLY"

I very rarely watch Saturday Night Live, so I was tickled when I happened to turn it on last week and discovered that it was the Paul Simon / Election 2000 episode. I'd made a special point of watching it the first time around, and I made a special point of watching it again, this time armed with a video tape. I think if my parents hear "THERE GOES...RHYMIN' SIMON...'CAUSE HE'S THE BEST...TOTALLY" one more time, they're going to scream...

Anyway, all four of the songs which were played during this SNL sketch are included on this album, which is a 15-year retrospective of Paul Simon's solo work. "I liked it. I really liked it. The problem that I have with it is...I really didn't like it." NO. Scratch that. SNL mode again. I really did like this album; my only complaint is that American Tune, my favorite song from Paul Simon's solo career, is not included. But then, as jedikermit pointed out, this is an album in which Garfunkel's presence is audibly absent. Since Garfunkel was the one who introduced Simon to the Bach melody he would use for the tune of his song, back before they broke up, I guess you could call that a semi-Simon and Garfunkel song.

This album has 16 tracks:

Mother and Child Reunion: This lively tune which has a great beat behind it tells a tale of a woman wishing to be reunited with her mother despite the distance between them. Neat song, and I love the way he came up with the title. He spied it on a menu at a Chinese restaurant (some sort of dish involving chicken and eggs) and decided he was going to have to use that for a song title someday.

Me and Julio Down By the Schoolyard: Another very peppy song, with another great beat, this time talking about a couple of guys sneaking behind the school to get high and getting into trouble. There's a picture in my brother's Sesame Street Unpaved book of Simon singing this song with one of the youngsters...I wonder if he altered the words slightly?

Something So Right

St. Judy's Comet: A lullaby written for his son. I actually heard this one first on a Kenny Loggins children's album. At any rate, it's a nice song in which he tries to convince his son to fall asleep (because if he can't even sing his own son to sleep "it would make your famous father look so dumb").

Loves Me Like a Rock: Back to the energetic, percussion-heavy style of the first two tracks. This one is a nice tribute to moms. "My mama, she loves me / she loves me / she gets down on her knees and hugs me / and she loves me like a rock / she loves me like the Rock of Ages". Quite a few religious references in this song as well.

Kodachrome: Yippee! My favorite on the album, second-favorite solo song. It's got a hard edge to it, great guitar work, and it's just plain nifty. I'm surprised I like it so much, since it's even got a vulgarity in it. (About as mild a vulgarity as you can get, though I once read an interview in which Paul Simon claimed this song was groundbreaking because it was the first song containing a vulgarity to run uncensored on the airwaves.) I've tried, though, and I can't come up with anything comparable that would work as a replacement. It's pretty hard to be offended by its use, unless you happen to have been a teacher at Forest Hills High School in the fifties...

Anyway, this is a song about nostalgia, and nothing fuels nostalgia better than a photograph. Kodachrome happens to be a very special kind of Kodak film which causes the colors in the picture to come out looking brighter than life. It's a very cheery format. Around the time Simon wrote the song, Kodak was talking about shelving this type of film. Perhaps in part due to Simon's plea, they didn't. But now, 28 years later, they finally decided to do away with it. (((sigh))) Oh, well. I guess Kodachrome itself will be a part of that nostalgia now.

"Kodachrome / give us such nice bright colors / give us the greens of summer / make me think all the world is a sunny day, oh yeah / I got a Nikon camera / I love to take a photograph / so mama don't take my Kodachrome away."

Have a Good Time

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover: Fun and unique, and, incidentally, the first of the four songs butchered by those guys on SNL. The message is don't sit around stuck in a relationship that you don't want to be in. There are lots of ways to get out of it, so pick one and get going!

"Just slip out the back, Jack / Make a new plan, Stan / Don't try to be coy, Roy / Just listen to me / Hop on the bus, Gus / Don't need to discuss much / Just drop off the key, Lee / And get yourself free."

Still Crazy After All These Years: Probably the most cliched song title of Simon's solo career. By which I mean, turned into a cliche; Simon once said he couldn't believe that it hadn't been a phrase before he made it one. This is a slower, retrospective song which is a nice break from the frantic energy of so many others.

Late in the Evening: And we really needed the break because this one is probably the most energetic song on the album. Sort of a Turn the Page type of "my life as a singer" song. Not really one of my favorites, but it certainly does stand out.

Slip Slidin' Away: Very mellow, about how our goals and dreams seem to slip from our grasp just as we've almost achieved them. (And if Paul Simon ever had a music video in mind for this song, I'm sure it did not involve a couple guys slipping and falling flat on their backs -- sorry, last SNL reference. I promise. I'll be good.) "Slip slidin' away / Slip slidin' away / You know the nearer your destination, the more you're slip slidin' away."

Hearts and Bones: Title track from his early 80s album which focused largely on his rocky and brief marriage to Carrie Fisher. Almost a Simon and Garfunkel album, but Simon changed his mind and erased Garfunkel's vocals from the tracks in mid-production...ouch!

Train in the Distance

Rene and Georgette Magritte with their Dog After the War: To my knowledge, the longest Paul Simon song title. A nice soft song which paints a verbal picture.

Diamonds on the Soles of her Shoes: At five and three-fourths minutes, this collaboration with Ladysmith Black Mambazo is the longest track on the album, one of the longest Simon's ever recorded. I'll always remember the first time I heard this song, in my senior English class in high school when my classmate, Ian, played it as part of his presentation on the music of South Africa. A song about class difference, this tune, enhanced by the African singers, is reminiscent of The Boxer in the way that it repeats a musical phrase over and over.

You Can Call Me Al: One of Paul Simon's most famous solo songs, made so in part by his collaboration with Chevy Chase for a humorous music video. (Ooops, was that on SNL? Well, if it was, it's not where I saw it, so I'm pleading the fifth.) "If you'll be my bodyguard / I can be your long-lost pal / You can call me Betty / Betty, when you call me / You can call me Al."

Well, I guess that about does it. I've been meaning to review a Paul Simon album for quite some time, as I have the unfortunate habit of skimping on Simon and gushing over Garfunkel. Oh, well, we all have our favorites. Paul Simon is a genius, though, then and now. His ability to manipulate words into lyrics makes a wannabe poet like me cringe with feelings of unworthiness. This album is a great introduction to Simon's solo work, which spans across decades and dozens of songs. What can I say? His induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was well deserved.

Can't Beat the Classics

A nice round of applause to whoever invented syndication. I very rarely watch any show the first time around, and much of the reason for that is that most of the shows I like have been off the air for years...the new episodes, anyway. But Nick at Nite is a haven for all the classics. I no longer get Nickelodeon, but when we had it we watched it quite a bit. During their summer block party, we would sit around at night and watch six straight episodes of I Dream of Jeannie, Bewitched, or Get Smart. During that Summer of the Block Party, the other two nights were occupied by I Love Lucy and Dragnet, neither of which we particularly cared for.

But the lineup is always changing, and there are always the shows that occupy the evening when the block party is not in session. The Brady Bunch, The Partridge Family, Gilligan's Island, The Monkees, Newhart, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, The Dick Van Dyke Show, Taxi...the list goes on. Just about any corny sitcom from the 50s or 60s you can think of has been on Nick at Nite at some point and, if it's not still on now, probably will be again.

And it's not just the shows that are classic. Even the commercials bring on the nostalgia. And between decades-old commercials, there are unique commentaries about the shows inserted. Dr. Miller, for instance, who points out that we can't see Jeannie's belly button and advises us to look for Darren's shifting hair on Bewitched. And there's the famous Jeannie song...I am sitting on the sofa / there's a tv in the corner / I am watching Major Nelson / he is played by Larry Hagman / and he found this little bottle / and out popped Barbara Eden / but she couldn't show her belly button / all she did was blink / dododoodo dododododo doododododododo dodododododododoo...

Most of the shows on Nick at Nite are not exactly mind-expanding material. They're generally pretty dumb, but they're hilarious. And there's very rarely anything in them that is remotely objectionable. If you're looking for a fun way to pass half an hour, or three hours, when you've got nothing better to do, switch your tv over to Nick at Nite and enjoy the ride!

My Favorite Billy Joel Album for the Longest Time

My favorite Billy Joel song will always be The Longest Time, so this is always the album I turn to first when I'm in the mood to listen to Billy Joel. The album has several great songs on it, though I must admit I tend to skimp on the second side.

The four songs I tend to listen to least are Easy Money, a rockin' song about a man frittering his life away on the slot machines, Christie Lee, which tells the tragic tale of a man whose life was ruined because he fell in love with a woman who only cared about his sax, Leave a Tender Moment Alone, about the awkwardness of trying to figure out what to say when it seems that words would only ruin a perfect moment, and Keeping the Faith, in which the speaker revisits his youth and discovers that the present isn't that much worse than the past, after all.

The title track of the album is the second song on Side I, preceded by Easy Money. This engaging tune is very high on my list of favorite Joel songs. It has a nice beat behind it and terrific words...I know you don't want to hear what I say / I know you're gonna keep turning away / But I've been there and if I can survive / I can keep you alive / I'm not above going through it again... A terrific song about a man trying to prove to a woman who has been burned by her past relationships that he is different.

Next up is my all-time favorite, The Longest Time. There's just something about the barbershop, doo-wop harmony, I guess. I love this song. Incredibly catchy and just as capable as Mary Poppins' Spoonful of Sugar of making me wish I could snap my fingers. It's another one of those "I lost you a long time ago and now I've found you and I'm not letting you go again" songs...Who knows how much further we'll go on / Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone / I'll take my chances / I forgot how nice romance is / I haven't been there for the longest time. The tune is terrific, the lyrics are great, but I think it's really the style and atmosphere that push this one over the top to make it stand out for me above all of the excellent songs Joel has ever recorded.

This Night is a beautiful, sensual love song which has its roots in classical music. Just as Paul Simon borrowed from Bach to create one of his finest songs, American Tune, so Billy Joel dips into his extensive knowledge of classical music to find a chorus perfectly suited to his song from Beethoven. Forbidden romance is the subject at hand, and the speaker's determination to ignore all his rules for the time being and enjoy the night. This night / Is mine / It's only you and I / Tomorrow / Is such a long time away / This night can last forever.

Tell Her About It is a very peppy song, much closer in style to the first song on the track than to the more old-fashioned sounding middle three. It seems to be a father giving his son advice on how to treat his girlfriend. It serves as a nice reminder that we need to be told that we are loved and appreciated. Tell her about it / Tell her everything you feel / Give her every reason / To accept that you're for real / Tell her about it / Tell her all your crazy dreams / Let her know you need her / Let her know how much she means.

Then over to Side II, where Uptown Girl is the first cut. This is a great song, and another very high on my list of favorites. Not as doo-woppy as The Longest Time, but it's got a bit of that feel to it. This is a song about a downtown kid obsessed with a gal from the upper crust of society, sort of the opposite of The Leader of the Pack (shudder, shudder). Actually, both songs were covered by David Seville's gang, though it was the Chipettes who did Leader of the Pack and the Chipmunks who performed Uptown Girl. I much prefer the latter. Anyway, it's a super song, very catchy, and a Billy Joel classic. And when she's walking / She's looking so fine / And when she's talking / She'll say that she's mine / She'll say I'm not so tough / Just because / I'm in love / With an uptown girl.

And then Careless Talk, which shows how gossip can ruin a relationship. Both parties have heard all sorts of colorful rumors going around about what the other is doing, and the speaker is determined not to let the talk faze him. Careless talk / That's what you heard about me / Careless talk / That's what I heard about you / Everybody's telling lies / I don't even know why / Why can't people find / Something better to do...

I'm a fairly big Billy Joel fan, and this album will always stand out for me because it's the first Billy Joel album I remember listening to, and because it contains my favorite song. I highly recommend it.

Book Swap Great Way for Kids to Get Fresh Summer Reading

When I was in elementary school, I was a voracious reader. Every time we got a scholastic book order form, I circled about half the items and shoved it in my mom's face. I spent half an hour in the bookstore at every trip to the mall. When we got separated at Hills or Kmart, my parents always checked the book section first. We had shelves lining the upstairs hallways, the basement, the living room... and still we had too many books to fit and not enough books for my liking. So Mom brainstormed, and she hit upon an idea that was to become a May tradition at Luther Memorial Learning Center: the book swap.

What it involves is this. Prior to the book swap, the teachers pass out slips to the students with spaces to indicate the number of books they are bringing, their name and grade, and a parent signature. The week of the book swap, children drop their books off in the designated boxes outside of their classrooms. Our school has about 180 students, and this past year there were about 700 books donated. With three or four people working to sort out the books and put them out on tables according to their grade level, it usually takes a couple hours to set up the day before the swap. On the actual day, we always have three or four helpers, but two is probably sufficient: one to accept the children's slips, count their books, and put the books in a bag, and one to offer suggestions to students wandering among the tables trying to make a selection.

For each book they donate, a child is allowed to pick one book. It's as simple as that. We learned from experience to let the older kids go first. Though there tend to be fewer middle schoolers than younger kids, these students are generally bookworms and are looking for as much summer reading as they can get their hands on. Unfortunately, the first year we did this the middle schoolers went last, and the youngsters had taken most of the chapter books. There were kindergarteners snubbing Mickey for Johnny Tremain, for crying out loud! I guess it makes them feel grown-up, but I doubt that every kindergartener who picked up a 200-page novel was reading years ahead of their reading level.

There do tend to be more books at the lowest levels than at the higher levels, but that's because all of the older kids have finished reading such books. As long as we allow the older students to go first, they always have plenty to choose from. They are always satisfied, and many return at lunch with dimes clenched in their fists. After all of the swappers come through in the morning, we offer the books for ten cents a piece during the lunch periods (it's always set up in the cafeteria). This way, kids who didn't have a book to exchange can still pick up something to read for a very reasonable price. And swappers who just can't get enough books can add to their collection. There are always students who do this, but the majority of them tend to take fewer books than they brought. Some even have notes from their parents on the slips, requesting that their children not bring home as many books as they are allowed.

The lunch sale usually makes between ten and twenty dollars, which reimburses my mom for the money she spends on a nice brand-new hard-bound book, usually an anthology of some sort, to be awarded to the winner of a raffle in which all swappers are entered. Whatever extra books remain at the end of the day go to the Headstart program housed in the school, the school library, or the Friends of the Library Booksale which occurs in June.

Before my mom instated this program, I had never heard of a book swap. Now I think no school should be without it. It's a fun way to clear off those shelves and gather a new load of summer reading. Libraries are great, but sometimes, especially for kids, it's nice to just have the knowledge that you can keep the book you're holding in your hand forever if you want to, and you never have to worry about getting any fines for forgetting to take it back in time. So if you've never heard of a book swap either, talk to someone in your child's school about putting one together. It's fun, it's easy, and it'll be a tradition your school will want to keep for years to come.

"A Pleasure to Meet You, Woog. Have You Been a Dinosaur Long?"

We're Back! is a movie with a neat premise, but it is executed in a less than brilliant manner. The story begins when a young bird falls from his nest while trying to run away and is caught by Rex, a t-rex who happens to be playing golf under his tree. Rex informs the fiesty bird that he once met a youngster in just the same situation, and he proceeds to tell him his tale.

Rex was born during the age of the dinosaurs but was captured, along with representatives of other dino species, to help fulfill the wishes of little children in present-day America. In order to ensure that the children's encounter with the dinos is entirely safe, the professor who brought them aboard feeds them Brain Grain, which allows their barbaric tendencies to slip away, leaving room for their personalities to emerge.

The kindly Professor NewEyes explains to the dinosoars, Rex, Elsa, Woog, and Dweeb, that they are the loudest station on his wish radio; more than anything in the world, children want to see dinosaurs. So he sets them loose on the world, leaving them alone in New York to find the near-sighted curator of the Museum of Natural History who will put them on display for the children. In the mean time, they are sidetracked when they meet a young boy named Louie who is running away to the circus. It's not such a great first impression -- they make Louie fall off the pier into the bay -- but Louie takes a liking to them and promises to help them find the museum of natural history.

It's not easy to hide four dinosaurs in the big city, and they are in constant danger of being discovered. While Louie is hatching a plan to get them to the museum safely, he meets a girl named Cecilia who is tired of spending all her time alone, with her busy parents spending all of their time with their careers and none of it on her. She joins Louie in his quest to join the circus and to help the dinos get to their destination. The plan they hatch is far-fetched and pretty unrealistic, but we're talking about a movie in which dinosaurs are snatched up from eons ago, domesticated, and plopped in downtown New York. Nothing is too outrageous for this film.

When the great plan goes awry, the dinos find themselves locked in a high-speed car chase. With most of the NYPD on their tails, they somehow escape. But where are their friends? The two unsuspecting children have wandered off to the circus, but they've chosen the wrong circus to wander off to. Professor ScrewEyes is NewEyes' brother and is diametrically opposed to him. This guy is evil and demented, and his circus thrives off the hints from his fear radio, which picks up people's fears. And where NewEyes have Brain Grain, ScrewEyes has Brain Drain, which reverses the process. When Louie and Cecilia foolishly sign on with him, they are bound to him by blood and the only way they can get out of their contract is if the dinosaurs agree to sacrifice their intelligence.

We're Back! is kind of a cute movie. It features the voice talents of John Goodman, Walter Cronkite, Julia Child, Martin Short, Rhea Pearlman and Jay Leno. It's a Steven Speilberg production. But I can't say it's one of the best animated movies I've ever seen. The dialogue is very corny at times, to the point where I cringed watching it at times. Who writes this stuff? Not all of the dialogue is bad, but there are a lot of pretty lousy moments.

Then there's this whole romance between Cecilia and Louie. It's not like a little bit of romance between kids is unheard of in the movies. I'm not even saying it's necessarily a bad thing. But Cecilia is way too obsessed with Louie. Her constant flirtation is a little much, I think. Then there's the pteradactyl, Elsa, who's always laying eggs...

And SrewEyes is definitely scary. He's not a pleasant person, nor are the people he surround himself with. Except for Stubbs the Clown, who also ran away to the wrong circus. The final scene with him in it is not very pretty, and I can certainly see how it might scare children. And I'm not too big on Cecilia praying and having her prayer answered by NewEyes, acting like she had been trying to reach him.

All in all, I would say We're Back! is a mediocre movie. I don't give it the high recommendation I give most Disney and Bluth films, or certain other animated features. I've seen a lot better.

Town Mouse, Country Mouse, Aussie Style

This is one of those classic movies that stations like WGN and TBS feel compelled to play over and over. Who can resist the endearing smile and inherent charm of Paul Hogan as Mick Dundee, the king of the Australian outback? Certainly not Sue (Linda Kozlowski), a reporter who flies to Australia to investigate this man who she has heard is like a Tarzan of the Bush. It turns out that Dundee has a few tricks up his sleeve, and he's not quite as primitive as Sue thinks he is. Still, he certainly knows his way around the bush, and when Sue foolishly decides to have a go at trekking the outback alone, Mick swoops in to save her from death by croc.

Mick is a fascinating character from the start, and Sue is sufficiently intrigued to bring him home to New York with her and see how he copes with the big city. He is as out of place in the bustling Big Apple and Sue was in Australia, but no one seems to mind. The naive visitor is an instant hit with everyone, and it's no wonder why. As he walks down the streets of New York, he stops to wish good day to everyone he sees. He's surrounded by strangers, and he seems to want to introduce himself to each and every one.

Most of the movie's funniest moments originate from the clash of the two cultures. Mick is befuddled by the bidet in his bathroom, convinced that his African-American chaffeur is an aborigine, and offended when a pimp uses "bad language in front of the ladies" he is talking with, who happen to be prostitutes. All decked out in crocodile leather and carrying a knife that's practically a machete, Mick is rather conspicuous. But his homegrown knowledge serves him well even in urban America, and this strine-speaking stranger wins the hearts of hundreds of New Yorkers, including Sue, whose obnoxious boyfriend is just itching to marry her.

Every scene with Mick is full of surprises. Bringing attack dogs into submission with just a stern glance. Making "herbal tea" out of cocaine to help a coke-sniffer "clear up his sinuses". Responding to a mugger with a knife by pulling his own much larger knife out and slicing through his jacket. Climbing up a lamp post to get out of the steady stream of pedestrian traffic. You never know what to expect next with this guy, and he makes this movie a delight from beginning to end. Check out this movie and meet the original crocodile hunter.

It's Pauly Shore...Need I Say More?

Okay, so I'm not exactly the world's biggest Pauly Shore fan. He ranks only a notch or two below Gilbert Gottfried on the Incredibly Annoying scale, and in certain films, he surpasses that mark. Son-in-Law, however, is tolerable. Shore is still obnoxious, in a sort of lovable way. Though I think I would probably have reacted similarly to the main character's parents when they first meet his unconventional character, Crawl...

Rebecca is a country girl, sweet, naive, and valedictorian of her class. College is a major adjustment, and she's not handling it very well. After a few too many bad experiences, she's ready to throw in the towel and go home. But Crawl, her zany RA, isn't about to let her leave without a fight. This extremely unusual character, who was the first person Rebecca met at college, turns out to be a pretty decent guy, and after a night on the town with him Becca decides to stick college out, at least until Thanksgiving.

When that time comes, Becca is dismayed to discover that Crawl has no place to go for Thanksgiving vacation. She graciously offers to let him stay with her. Her family is surprised enough to see their daughter with a new nickname and a new look when they greet her back home, but they are nothing short of shocked to discover that she has brought Crawl home with her. Her boyfriend's not too thrilled either, and in an attempt to ensure his claim to her, he proposes shortly after her arrival. Becca is not ready to make that kind of step, so she begs Crawl to cover for her. Unfortunately, his idea of a cover-up is blurting out that Becca is already planning to marry him...

Hilarity ensues as Crawl tries to fit in with Rebecca's countrified family and gain their acceptance, all the while trying to work out how he will tell them that he isn't really engaged to their daughter. Becca's former boyfriend, meanwhile, plots revenge on this college guy who is so hopelessly out of place in the country. Poor little Crawl stuck in the middle of all this. What's a city boy to do?

There was one point in time when this was my brother's favorite movie, so I watched in several times. It's certainly good for a few laughs, and though it is not without its groans, I would say that this is probably the best role I've seen Pauly Shore in. And hey, it's all worth it to see him barreling through the fields in a tractor, blasting Thank God I'm a Country Boy!

For Anyone Who Has Ever Loved a Cat (Especially If You Loved a Dog First)

I was first introduced to Willie Morris through the movie version of his autobiographical book, My Dog Skip. The film chronicles the coming of age of young Willie as he and his first dog, the precocious Skip, explore their world together. In the first pages of My Cat Spit McGee, Morris recounts his affection for "Old Skip", as he liked to refer to him later, and Pete, the dog he had in his adulthood. As someone so faithfully dedicated to dogs, Morris was convinced it was his duty to despise cats, and he continued to believe that until he met "The Cat Woman", who would eventually become his wife.

As it turned out, she was a cat person. When her son decided to surprise her with a kitten on Christmas morning, Morris knew there was no turning back. He going to have to learn to at least tolerate these creatures. To help ease him into that toleration, he was given the honor of naming the kitten, and he bestowed upon her the name of his childhood sweetheart, Rivers Applewhite. The diminutive feline started to grow on him, and by the time she became pregnant with kittens he was frantic about her well-being.

I was struck by how many of Morris' cat experiences were similar to my own. Rivers was found abandoned by the side of the road as a kitten, and her puberty crept up on them without notice, so that they did not have her "fixed" in time to prevent a pregnancy. Just as my own cat, Cookies, delivered kittens after such a situation, and gave birth to Gandalf, the most companionable cat with whom I have ever resided, Rivers delivered Spit McGee, a cat who was to complete Morris' transformation into a full-fledged ailurophile (cat-lover).

Every once in a while an animal like that comes along who completely surprises you with its intuition and ingenuity. Spit was, or perhaps is, such a creature. Morris notes in the book that Skip was the companion of his boyhood, Pete of his adulthood, and Spit of his maturity. Their deep bond may have had something to do with the fact that Morris saved Spit's life on several occasions, including the moment of his birth. This 101 Dalmations-esque experience is recounted in great detail.

After Spit grows up a bit, other cats come into the family when they find a stray kitten under their house. This gentle calico eventually has kittens as well, and Morris delves briefly into each of their unique personalities. Meanwhile, he noted that all of this got to be too much for Rivers, who was most put out at all of the felines who were invading her territory. Like my first cat Cuddles, she liked being an Only Cat, and when the cat population kept growing, she took off to seek residence elsewhere. I was quite gratified to learn that my cat is not the only one who has ever done that.

Surely any cat owners (or, perhaps more accurately, cat-owned) out there will be able to find something in Morris' descriptions of his cats and their experiences that strikes them as similar to their own feline encounters. I recommend this charming story of an unconventional friendship to anyone who has ever loved a cat, and even to those who have not. Morris was most vehement in his hatred of cats in the beginning; perhaps his transformation will serve as an inspiration to those who think they could never learn to love a cat. At any rate, this book comes highly recommended. I give it four paws up!