Alapalooza - Parody Lovers' Paradise

Around the time I was in eighth grade, my brother’s buddies introduced him to an off-the-wall singer by the name of Weird Al Yankovic. As my then-11-year-old brother’s fascination with Al increased, my irritation level rose. Any new music Benjamin was bringing into the house, I stubbornly decided, could not be a good thing. But, gosh darn it, Al wore me down. And after that, there was no turning back…

Amish Paradise - The song that started it all for both Benjamin and me. I had actually heard Gangsta’s Paradise before, so I knew right away what this song was a take-off on. It’s a rap, though pretty “soft” as rap goes. I usually can’t stand even hearing rap (and Al’s new Eminem parody unsurprisingly gives me a bit of a headache), but this I can deal with. And I’ve always been fascinated by the Amish. It’s not exactly a reverent look at the life of these hard-working, old-fashioned, deeply religious Dutchmen, but it does touch on many aspects of Amish life and is also pretty darn funny.

The song is filled with wry comments such as “we’re gonna party like it’s 1699,” “we haven’t even paid a phone bill in 300 years,” “we’re just technologically impaired,” “I never wear buttons but I’ve got a cool hat and my homies agree I really look good in black,” and “I know I’m a million times as humble as thou art.” It also includes a nod to Gilligan’s Island with the line “no phone, no lights, no motorcar, not a single luxury; like Robinson Crusoe, it’s primitive as can be” popping up in one of the choruses. Top-notch.

Everything You Know is Wrong - This one just came out Al’s convoluted brain all by itself, melody included. Very fast-paced and ridiculously random, this song leaves me in stitches every time. It includes a number of pop culture references, including “the floating, disembodied head of Colonel Sanders,” “aliens from space who kinda looked like Jamie Farr,” Golden Grahams, and a Nehru jacket of which St. Peter does not approve. It’s a wild and crazy journey beginning with a wolverine in the narrator’s underwear and ending in an unsavory section of Heaven next to a noisy ice machine. Al’s voice is pitched at an especially whiny level here, and it adds to the hilarity.

Cavity Search - This parody of U2’s Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me has sent cold shivers down my spine on more than one occasion. The mood is loud, chaotic, horrifying. I, like many others out there, hate going to the dentist, and this song, complete with its arsenal of sound effects, is enough to make me ill at ease. The drill is especially unsettling. “Numb me, drill me, floss me, bill me.” Doesn’t sound like fun to me! Good parody, but it gives me the willies…

Callin’ In Sick - Another Al original, this one details all the great things that can be done with the day spent playing hooky from work. “Freedom’s just seven digits away,” the speaker declares, though his ideas for filling up his glorious free time are less than exciting. Shining pennies? Burping Tupperware? Making a tapestry of belly button lint? Wow. As languid as Everything You Know is Wrong is manic, this one’s not quite as absurd but still pretty fun.

The Alternative Polka - I have to admit, this one irritates the heck outta me. It’s just a long list of snippets from then-current songs strung together and sung at a different tempo. For me, it’s long, boring, and headache-inducing.

Since You’ve Been Gone - Short and sweet (or not so sweet), this more than makes up for the regrettable polka. This Al original is a fifties-style ditty with some nice back-up vocals. Very pleasant to listen to. The lyrics are increasingly violent and ultimately ironic. This poor guy is just miserable since his girlfriend/wife’s departure, and he demonstrates the depths of his despair in graphic terms. He compares his pain to chewing on tinfoil, sticking his hand in a blender and turning it on, having a cactus shoved up his nose, and getting a permanent ice cream headache. A surprise twist at the end makes the song all the more enjoyable.

Gump - A case in which the parody makes a lot more sense than the original. Presidents of the USA? I always was quick to point out that spelled out POTUSA. I humbly submit they were using pot, or perhaps something stronger, when composing Lump. My analysis: huh? Gump, however, is a great song poking fun at one of my favorite movies, just out in the theaters at that time. It’s basically a quick plot overview with a few soundbytes thrown in, but it definitely works. “Sittin’ on a bench with his hands in his pockets, he just kept sayin’ ‘Life is like a box of chocolates.”

I’m So Sick of You - Another Al original, and he sounds irritated. He’s stuck with the most aggravating gal on the planet, and he just can’t take it anymore. Her habits include drinking milk out of the carton and biting her toenails, and she boasts such traits as extreme body odor and yellow teeth. Includes some sly self-censoring: “You don’t have an ounce of class, you’re just one big pain in the neck.” An entertaining rant.

Syndicated, Inc. - This parody of Soul Asylum’s Misery is pretty miserable sounding. Perhaps it’s the drone of a man who has spent too much time in front of the television, as this person certainly has. Basically a listing of several syndicated shows, the song pokes fun at people who base their lives around a TV schedule. Show nods include Jeopardy, M*A*S*H (my favorite!), The Munsters, The Partridge Family and Laverne and Shirley.

I Remember Larry - A rather grotesque Al original. Fairly upbeat throughout most of the song, the tone slows towards the end as the speaker exacts vengeance on a neighbor fond of playing cruel and elaborate tricks on him. With such pranks as Nair shampoo, Ex-Lax brownies, and severed cars under his belt, it’s no wonder Larry has made a few enemies, but the ending is rather unnecessarily violent. The chorus is a cover for all the dreadful occurrences listed in the verses. Larry clearly was not a very funny guy, at least to his victims. And the speaker will not forget about Larry, but it won’t be good memories he is carrying.

Phony Calls - This parody of TLC’s Waterfalls makes use of clips of Bart Simpson’s classic phone pranks on Moe, enhancing an already song. The speaker is a cantankerous person who has been bothered often by crank callers. Someone with whom the gullible bartender Bart keeps fooling could definitely sympathize. Or maybe it’s even supposed to be him. At any rate, the song references the classic “Is your refrigerator running?” gag as well as a couple others and serves as a warning to unruly youths out to have some fun at the expense of adults: “If they ever figured out where you were callin’ ‘em from, they’d come and bust your head right in with a ratchet.”

The Night Santa Went Crazy - The album concludes with yet another Al original, and a pretty gruesome one at that. There are two versions of this song in existence because the first is simply too violent for most people’s tastes. The song begins innocently with a music box-like accompaniment for the opening, but that soon changes as Santa bursts in on the working elves and begins his rampage, killing and destroying whoever and whatever he can get his hands on. “Merry Christmas to all! Now you’re all gonna die!” The reindeer suffer an especially dire fate. Not a very cheery Christmas song, and a tad skewered for my tastes, though my brother loves it.

Well, that’s the album. I don’t love every song here, but most of them keep me in stitches. They are occasionally a little crude, but for the most part it’s pretty clean fun. Weird Al is hilarious, and I’m glad Benjamin brought him home after all.