30 Rock Is a Regular Laughfest

The show 30 Rock first caught my attention a couple of years ago when I began seeing the rather epic American Express commercial demonstrating the zaniness of a typical day for harried head writer Liz Lemon. I thought the ads were hilarious, though it wasn’t until the season three finale that I finally watched an episode. A guest appearance from Clay Aiken was what drew me into Kidney Now!, but I was happy to sit through the episode, what with its hilarious spoof of We Are the World and its outrageous premise involving a character played by Alan Alda and a situation that reminded me very much of the pathetic backstory of LOST’s John Locke. Pretty funny stuff.

I’ve only caught the show sporadically since then, but after I revived my dormant Netflix account and my brother discovered that several seasons of the series were available for instant viewing, he suggested we watch it from the beginning. I agreed, and we’ve been chortling over it ever since.

Tina Fey stars as Liz, a sharp-witted, perpetually frazzled sketch comedy writer who oversees a show on NBC. Her world turns upside-down when Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin) is made her boss and begins demanding major changes to her series. One of his first suggestions is to bring eccentric movie star Tracy Jordan (Tracy Morgan) on board. Much of the first season involves the struggles of the rest of the cast and crew to accept the changes that come with Tracy’s presence. Though he is both smarter and more ethical than anyone would guess at first glance, Tracy remains a loose cannon, so it’s never quite clear what he’s going to do next, especially since he has a difficult time keeping his ego in check.

Like Fey, Morgan was a familiar sight to us thanks to Saturday Night Live, where his zany antics often cracked us up, especially during the sketches in which he played the bizarre host of Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet. Baldwin, too, has been on SNL many times, though as a host rather than a regular, and other SNL alums turn up periodically, most notably Chris Parnell as the dubious Dr. Spaceman, who attends to the medical and psychiatric needs of Tracy and others, and Rachel Dratch in a variety of minor roles. It’s fun to guess where she might turn up next, as her appearances are extremely random. Also showing up in a slightly more serious role is Jason Sudeikis, a potential love interest for Liz.

Of all the major characters on the show, Liz seems the most normal, though she certainly has her share of issues. Still, she seems much more well-adjusted than folks like anti-social geek Frank Rossitano (Judah Friedlander) or attention-grabbing Jenna Maroney (Jane Krakowski), the actress who is most threatened by Tracy’s arrival. My favorite character is Kenneth Parcell (Jack McBrayer), an enthusiastic intern with a perpetually enormous smile. His naivety and determination to go above and beyond the call of duty in all situations makes me think of company clerk Radar, my favorite M*A*S*H character, and he and Tracy are the two characters who most consistently make me laugh.

30 Rock is a madcap sort of show that is frequently self-referential, poking fun at a lot of the elements that go into making a television show. It’s one of these series where things frequently go extravagantly wrong; pratfalls are plentiful, as are miscommunications and outright disasters. At the same time, we get to see bits and pieces of the show-within-a-show, as well as bits of movies, music videos and other shows, and these are generally very funny. I especially like the original songs, which tend to be written on extremely odd topics. For instance, the first season features Tracy’s nonsensical Werewolf Bar Mitzvah and Jenna’s provocative Muffin Top.

As with most contemporary prime time comedies, 30 Rock can be a bit crude, but most of the humor derives from these very odd characters all working closely together to try to produce a coherent show. Nathan and I breezed right through the first season and are chuckling heartily over the second, so if you’re looking for a comedy that’s just plain silly, give the show a whirl.

Around Epinions in 80 Days: Skipper Dan Leads the Pack on Weird Al's Internet Leaks

I’ve been a fan of the delightfully loopy Weird Al since middle school, and I’ve been following his music with particular interest since I started my ongoing parody-writing project in 2006. Later that year, he released Straight Outta Lynwood, a full-length album that tickled my funny bone in a big way. Last year, Al decided to do something a little different. He crafted an EP, which he released online one song at a time - hence the title Internet Leaks. Every Weird Al fan had ample opportunity to listen to his songs for free and chuckle over the corresponding YouTube video well before the full album was available for purchase. Pretty cool of him... But then, that’s Al!

Whatever You Like - The funny thing about this song is that I heard a different parody of T. I.’s Whatever You Like before I heard either this or the original song. The schoolchildren who adapted the song to make it an anthem of civic awareness got a lot of attention during the late 2008 Election Season, and their performance was clever, fun and even inspiring. Weird Al’s enjoyably goofy song also has a slight political element; he starts it off by talking about the crummy economy, then goes on to assure his ladylove that lack of funds won’t stop him from being generous to her. The speaker’s notion of extravagance is rather dubious, however. Melodically monotonous but lyrically inventive, this song is a celebration of all things economical. “And you can always ride the city bus. / Got a stack of tokens just for us. / Yo, my wallet’s fat and full of ones. / It’s all about the Washingtons, that’s right...”

Craigslist - I’m not that crazy about the sound of this song, which approximates The Doors. Weird Al does his best wailing Jim Morrison impersonation, enlisting Doors keyboardist Ray Manzarek to better mimic the band’s style. The video, meanwhile, is filled with trippy images that bear no immediate connection to the lyrics at hand. But it’s a fun song, and those much more familiar with the Doors than I praise it as a meticulous style parody. While the first track is largely a list of cheap items, this is a series of oddball Craigslist ads. Each is bizarre for a different reason.

One offers a very uneven trade of items. Another seeks to reconnect with a You’re Beautiful-style love at first sight. A third, and probably my favorite despite its lack of rhyme, is an unfounded letter of complaint from someone annoyed that somebody else was annoyed about him holding up the coffee shop line while talking on his cell phone, and the last hearkens back to Whatever You Like with a “generous” offer with many strings attached. “Got a trash can of Styrofoam peanuts, / You can have ‘em for free. / You can drop by on the weekend and pick ‘em up from me. / But the trash can ain't part of the deal. / Only givin' you the peanuts, get real. / Don't have no Hefty bags, so bring your own. / Don't bug me with questions on the phone...”

Skipper Dan - My favorite track on the album by far, it’s the only one that isn’t spoofing anyone in particular. It’s the most melodic of the songs, and it has a lovely melancholy tone to it and reminds me of Avenue Q's What Do You Do With a B.A. in English? This one is for all of the frustrated artists out there, whether they’re painters, writers, musicians or, like the narrator of this tragi-comic ballad, thespians. The song, along with its very watchable animated video, lacks the over-the-top silliness of many Weird Al compositions, instead going for a subtler, mellow humor.

In one of M*A*S*H‘s most memorable episodes, Hawkeye Pierce says that he laughs his way through the Korean War to keep from screaming, and that’s sort of the feeling I get from this song. Skipper Dan, a promising young actor who once received accolades but is now stuck doing the groan-worthy narration for an amusement park attraction 34 times a day, is “laughin' at my own jokes but I'm cryin' inside / 'Cause I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride.” As we chuckle at his misfortune, we relieve our angst over our own disappointments. Weird Al at his most poignant. “I should be there on Broadway / Knockin' 'em dead in 12 Angry Men, / But instead I'm here tellin' these lame jokes / Again and again and again and again and again and again and again...”

CNR - When I first heard this, I didn’t think it was a musical homage to anyone in particular, but it’s actually a style parody of the White Stripes. Which shows how much I know about them. Who it did make me think of was Chuck Norris, the subject of so many of those ridiculous statements of superiority that I’ve doled out to eager cell phone users while working for the mobile answering service ChaCha. You’ve probably heard some of them: “Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.” “Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.” “Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.” You get the idea. That’s basically what CNR is - except that the subject is not roundhouse kick king Chuck Norris but the dearly departed (and definitely daffy) Charles Nelson Reilly. I’d been wondering what those letters could stand for and completely cracked up when I found out while watching the hilariously animated JibJab video, into which fans can insert themselves through the magic of photo uploading.

I’ll always remember a Saturday Night Live sketch in which Will Ferrell as James Lipton of Inside the Actor’s Studio interviews Charles Nelson Reilly, heaping him with embarrassingly effusive praise and even inventing a word - “scrumtrulescent” - to describe him because no existing words are sufficient. I’m guessing Al saw that sketch because his song is all about CNR’s scrumtrulescence, although he’s been dramatically reinvented as a larger-than-life Jim Croce-style character (and I love the song’s sly references to Bad, Bad Leroy Brown and You Don’t Mess Around With Jim). The style of the song is loud and screamy, and I would have preferred if he’d taken the nod to Croce further and made it something acoustic and easy-going. But boy, is this song fun, even though it does get a little out of hand. “Charles Nelson Reilly figured out cold fusion, but he never ever told a soul. / I've seen the man unhinge his jaw, and swallow a Volkswagen whole...”

Ringtone - This Queen style parody includes some choral singing, some snazzy electric guitar riffs and a whole lot of falsetto, as well as many instances of there being too many words to comfortably fit in one melodic phrase. The entertaining video features a large cast of characters and focuses largely on one offender who looks a lot like The Office’s Jim Halpert. We get to see him tick off everybody from Barack Obama to Mary Poppins with his irritating ringtone, which we never hear, because somehow I doubt any ditty could live up to this sort of negative hype. It’s not so easy to sing along with, since it kinda goes every which way, as Queen songs are wont to do. But it’s a fun end to the album - and, I suppose, a clever way to encourage fans to buy a Ringtone ringtone and annoy their friends to pieces. “Well, it made my wife so sick / She smashed my iPhone with a brick. / But I had it fixed, and now it's just fine. / It's a pain, I sure don't need it / And I probably should delete it / But for me that would be crossin' the line / 'Cause I hate to waste a buck ninety nine.”

If you’re willing to plunk down $5.99, Internet Leaks is a terrific collection of songs from the King of Parody. And if you’re not, you can always go have a look at YouTube...

David Benedictus Grants Pooh Fans a Return to the Hundred Acre Wood

"Pooh, promise you won't forget about me, ever. Not even when I'm a hundred." So entreats Christopher Robin in the final chapter of The House at Pooh Corner. Eighty years have now passed since A. A. Milne penned that stirring plea, and David Benedictus has taken it upon himself to see that this promise is honored, at least after a fashion. For us, Christopher Robin is closing in on a century, but for the residents of the Hundred Acre Wood, he's only been gone a few months. Time has little meaning in the Wood, its chief measure being changes to the lad Pooh and his friends love so dearly. For both dragons and Pooh Bears live forever, but not so little boys. He may be doing it slowly, but Christopher Robin is growing up. This reality sets a wistful tone for Return to the Hundred Acre Wood, but in the joy of reunion, the sense of melancholy seeps through only occasionally.

The book hints strongly that Christopher Robin is keenly aware of the change in his circumstances, while Pooh and Piglet have vague suspicions. While they savor Christopher Robin's return, they sense a greater degree of maturity, and neither can quite forget his long absence, as the rest seem to do fairly quickly, or be entirely assured that he won't leave again. The book takes place over one golden summer in which Christopher Robin appears to make a conscious effort to cram in as much fun as possible, knowing that another nine months or so of boarding school awaits and unsure of what sort of person he will have become by the time of his next extended visit.

I came by knowledge of this book from an unlikely source: Saturday Night Live. Seth Meyers mentioned the book's release during the Weekend Update segment, announcing that there would be a new character, which set him up for the distasteful punchline that this was a replacement for Eeyore, who had decided to do away with himself. Eeyore is just as gloomy as ever in this book, his sense of sarcasm as sharp as the thistles he craves, but of all the characters, he seems to benefit most from the arrival of spunky Lottie, an otter. Perhaps a fresh pair of eyes is just what is needed to draw Eeyore more deeply into the affairs of the rest of the forest. The others are so tired of being shot down that they hesitate to make friendly overtures to him anymore, but Lottie has the right mix of optimism and stubbornness to lift Eeyore out of the doldrums now and again.

The book has ten chapters, and while certain scenes focus on only one or two characters, most are ensemble efforts, effectively drawing in not only the major players, who also include Rabbit, Tigger, Owl, Kanga and Roo, but oodles of Rabbit's Friends and Relations. Consequently, there are many busy scenes in which characters essentially talk over top of one another, their personality quirks allowing for some very funny dialogue. I don't think there was a single chapter that failed to make me laugh out loud. Benedictus has a wonderful feel for these fluff-filled friends, and he imitates Milne's style so effectively that it's easy to almost forget Milne didn't write it himself.

Meanwhile, Mark Burgess does an admirable job with the full-color illustrations. The mimicry isn't quite as precise in this department; I don't think I would ever mistake these paintings for Ernest Shepard originals. It's mostly in the faces that a slight difference is apparent. But they are very well done nonetheless, enhancing the book on nearly every page, with one massive two-page spread toward the end of the book and a new map of the Wood on the inside of the cover. Because the book is meant to be set less than a year after The House at Pooh Corner, there's an old-fashioned sense to story and illustrations alike, with a gramophone and Latin lessons some of the more noteworthy antiquities. The book also has a distinctly English feel to it, especially during the chapter in which Christopher Robin teaches all of his friends how to play cricket. Moreover, a chapter about the formation of a Hundred Acre Wood Academy reminded me of Harry Potter with its talk of headmasters and prefects.

Benedictus gives each of the main characters moments in the spotlight. Hyperactive Roo often rambles, while Kanga has a tendency to let her maternal instincts extend beyond her own son; she especially has a knack for reining in Tigger. Rabbit remains a fussbudget, which leads to his extensive woodland census project, a source of amusement to me since it reminds me so much of Hurley's similarly poorly-received attempts at the same on LOST. Meanwhile, in one chapter reminiscent of his attempts to cure Tigger of his bouncing, he hatches a rather mean-spirited plan to dissuade Owl from writing his uncle's biography, as the exercise makes the bird excessively cross. Never one to squelch creative impulses, I found that chapter somewhat sad but was pleased to see acknowledgment from some of the others that Rabbit's idea might not have been too kind. Owl's pomposity is on full display whenever possible, facilitating some of the book's funniest moments, and though Christopher Robin usually humors him, there are times when even his patience is tested by Owl's self-importance.

Though Christopher Robin is the impetus for the adventures in this book, Piglet remains Pooh's most constant companion, which is scarcely avoidable now that they share a home. Piglet is as jittery as ever, both excitable and timid. While the book is pretty episodic, a longer story arc, wrapped up in the predominant theme of change, or lack thereof, is Piglet's concern that Lottie's arrival will diminish him. In chapter four, Piglet is secretly disappointed when he does something heroic but Pooh overlooks it in favor of Lottie's contributions; in the eighth chapter, he receives dramatic reinforcement of Pooh's respect for him.

Pooh himself is as obsessed with honey as ever, a preoccupation that leads to more than one adventure this time around, and though he is kind, he sometimes fails to notice the needs of others. At other times, however, he is surprisingly attentive, as when he worries that he may be offending the bees by taking their honey all the time without asking, and he also concocts a clever plan or two over the course of the summer. Most of all, Pooh is reflective. For a Bear of Little Brain, he certainly does a lot of thinking, and scattered throughout the book are five Hums of his composition.

Even better than the Hums themselves are the ruminations on the poetic process. There's this, from the first chapter: "...a hum is all very well as far as it goes, and very well indeed when it goes for seven verses, but it isn't a Real Hum until it's been tried out on somebody." Then, at the end of the eighth chapter, comes the admission that made me laugh more than any other single moment in the book, partly because I can relate so well. After reciting a Hum containing a rather dubious simile, Pooh confesses, "But it wasn't really like a fish, only I couldn't think of anything else and then I ran out of time, and sometimes it's best to have something not quite right in a hum so that everybody can say: 'Humph! I could have done it better myself.'"

To this bit of self-deprecation, Christopher Robin responds, "I couldn't have," and while I'm a little bemused by the decision to publish an authorized sequel to the Pooh novels after all these years and hundreds of unofficial books, I find this conversation particularly fitting for the book itself. Just as Pooh seeks to honor Piglet with his humble hum, Benedictus pays homage to the world Milne created, and I think he does a better job of it than even he might be quick to admit. All of the characters feel incredibly authentic, and they weave in and out of simple adventures with clever twists and perfect comic timing, with just a hint of somberness more likely to be noticed by adults than children.

"Are you really going to write us new adventures?" Christopher Robin inquires of the author in the introduction. "Because we rather liked the old ones." Thankfully, if you rather liked the old ones too, then I expect you will find these new ones a rare treat indeed.

My Top Ten Movies of the Early '80s ('80-'84)

I like to poke fun at the music of the '80s, but movies are an entirely different matter.  I was a little too young to enjoy these movies when they first came out, but in the decade or so that followed, they became firm favorites that have lasted to this day.

The Empire Strikes Back (1980) / Return of the Jedi (1983) - What would an '80s list be without Star Wars? The second installment traumatized me, but it also introduced Yoda, who I adore and includes the delightful insult, "You stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder!" Most fans seem to list it as their favorite of the series, and it was even referenced in a recent episode of LOST. My favorite, though, is the concluding chapter of the trilogy, with its powerful themes of family and redemption. And what can I say... I'm a fan of the Ewoks!

The Blues Brothers (1980) - Saturday Night Live can be pretty stupid, but this movie based on characters from the long-running sketch show is one of my favorite comedies. Yes, a lot of cars wind up totaled, but there's also a slew of cameos from the likes of Ray Charles and Aretha Franklin and some terrific performances, my favorite of which is the impromptu rendition of the Rawhide theme song. And the madcap adventure has a worthy purpose, as Jake and Elwood are "on a mission from God" to raise money to save the orphanage where they grew up.

Airplane! (1980) - More one-liners and bad puns than you can shake a stick at, and the visual gags are just as rampant. This is one of the silliest movies I have ever seen, but I love it. Some of the jokes are a little off-color, but most of it is just plain goofy, and no matter how repetitive it gets, I laugh every time. Leslie Nielsen and Peter Graves are particularly funny.

The Great Muppet Caper (1981) / The Muppets Take Manhattan (1984) - Both of these original Muppet movies are lots of fun. I'm especially partial to the first, which features a jewel heist and some very funny performances from Charles Grodin and John Cleese, but the second is terrific as well and is more in keeping with the established Muppet personalities, since Kermit and the gang are performers rather than reporters. There's also that fun sequence imagining the Muppets as babies, a precursor to the popular cartoon.

Superman II (1981) - I love Superman, and I'm particularly a fan of this movie, in which the world is threatened by the sinister Zod, who has arrived with two cronies ready to do some serious damage. Christopher Reeve is terrific as both bumbling Clark and impenetrable Superman, and his rescue of a child who takes a tumble at Niagara Falls is one of my all-time favorite superhero moments.

Annie (1982) - Don'tcha just love tomorrow? This optimistic musical is fun and cheerful, with the title character's spirit uplifting just about everyone she touches, all the way up to the President of the United States. A great rags-to-riches story with terrific songs and the hilarious performance by Carol Burnett as the tipsy, diabolical Miss Hannigan.

The Dark Crystal (1982) - One of Jim Henson's darkest projects, this film depicts a beautifully imagined world ruled by opposing entities. It's a haunting fable all about sacrifice and balance, with gorgeous creatures and landscapes and occasional touches of humor, most courtesy of the gruff Aughra and the Ewok-like pod people.

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982) - This pensive film is basically tied with the fourth as my favorite Trek movie. It finds Kirk contemplating middle age while confronting two people he thought were out of his life forever and adjusting to his unexpected role of father. Ricardo Mantalban is deliciously over-the-top as the vengeful Khan, Scotty shows his emotional side after his beloved nephew joins the crew and Spock and Kirk share the most powerful moment in the entire series.

A Christmas Story (1983) / Mickey's Christmas Carol (1983) / A Christmas Carol (1984) - It was a great couple of years for Christmas movies. The first is the funniest, a cult classic that is nostalgic but snarky and is my brother's all-time-favorite Christmas flick. The second is the most kid-friendly, an adaptation of Dickens' classic tale that clocks in at under 30 minutes, casting Mickey as hard-working Bob, Donald as exuberant Fred and, naturally, Scottish miser Scrooge McDuck as old Ebenezer. The third, starring George C. Scott, is my favorite straightforward adaptation of the story. It's much more detailed than the Disney version or even the Muppet version, which is my all-time favorite. Scott is magnificent as Scrooge, and David Warner is truly moving as the best Bob Cratchit I've ever seen.

The Karate Kid (1984) - While the second installment in the trilogy is my favorite, I love the first movie too, and it includes most of the truly classic Karate Kid moments, from "Wax on, wax off" to catching the fly with the chopsticks. While it's exciting to see Daniel transform from a hot-headed fish out of water into a karate champion, it's his relationship with the wise Mr. Miyagi that really makes the movie so much fun to watch. 

Smelly Skunks! May Not Be Educational, But It Sure Is Fun!

A short while ago, I saw a ludicrous video on Saturday Night Live entitled Sloths! Made, in the context of the skit, by several students who, to quote the matter-of-fact farmer on the cranberry juice commercial, have obviously been "hittin' the DVDs pretty hard," it features sloths engaged in a variety of high-octane activities, prompting the bewildered zookeeper viewing the film to note that it was not quite accurate.

I had this Digital Short in my mind when I picked up Skunks!. I expected that it would probably turn out to be a mostly sedate educational book about these much-maligned creatures. As it turns out, there is nothing educational about this over-the-top picture book. It is every bit as inaccurate as Sloths! But that's okay.

Author David T. Greenberg fills the book with wacky verse that stretches rhymes in silly ways ("family" and "pajamily," "undies" and "sundies"). He also uses the end-rhyme "unk" as much as possible, particularly in the beginning of the book: "The stankiest stink to stunk / Far worse than a moldy garbage can / When you reach down and scoop out the gunk / A million times worse than octopus armpits / Or sniffing an elephant trunk / Is the galling, appalling, truly enthralling / Glorious stink of a skunk!" Ewwwwwwwwwww...

Greenberg gives us a young rascal who thinks up ingeniously devious ways to put his pet skunk to use, from replacing the salad dressing with his spray or using him as a super soaker. The scenarios get more bizarre as the book goes on, culminating in an attack by Skunkzilla and Skunk Kong, who are just as huge and vicious as they sound.

These absurd situations are hilariously illustrated by Lynn Munsinger in a delightful and often disgusting colorfully cartoonish style. We see the smiling red-head sporting a skunk hat, sleeping blissfully on a bed of skunks and imagining a Christmas Eve ride with eight antlered skunks. Those with delicate sensibilities will probably want to avoid this book, which seems to be aimed primarily at boys in the 7 to 10 range. It's wildly imaginative and odiferous; thank goodness these aren't scratch and sniff pages!

"THERE GOES...RHYMIN' SIMON...'CAUSE HE'S THE BEST...TOTALLY"

I very rarely watch Saturday Night Live, so I was tickled when I happened to turn it on last week and discovered that it was the Paul Simon / Election 2000 episode. I'd made a special point of watching it the first time around, and I made a special point of watching it again, this time armed with a video tape. I think if my parents hear "THERE GOES...RHYMIN' SIMON...'CAUSE HE'S THE BEST...TOTALLY" one more time, they're going to scream...

Anyway, all four of the songs which were played during this SNL sketch are included on this album, which is a 15-year retrospective of Paul Simon's solo work. "I liked it. I really liked it. The problem that I have with it is...I really didn't like it." NO. Scratch that. SNL mode again. I really did like this album; my only complaint is that American Tune, my favorite song from Paul Simon's solo career, is not included. But then, as jedikermit pointed out, this is an album in which Garfunkel's presence is audibly absent. Since Garfunkel was the one who introduced Simon to the Bach melody he would use for the tune of his song, back before they broke up, I guess you could call that a semi-Simon and Garfunkel song.

This album has 16 tracks:

Mother and Child Reunion: This lively tune which has a great beat behind it tells a tale of a woman wishing to be reunited with her mother despite the distance between them. Neat song, and I love the way he came up with the title. He spied it on a menu at a Chinese restaurant (some sort of dish involving chicken and eggs) and decided he was going to have to use that for a song title someday.

Me and Julio Down By the Schoolyard: Another very peppy song, with another great beat, this time talking about a couple of guys sneaking behind the school to get high and getting into trouble. There's a picture in my brother's Sesame Street Unpaved book of Simon singing this song with one of the youngsters...I wonder if he altered the words slightly?

Something So Right

St. Judy's Comet: A lullaby written for his son. I actually heard this one first on a Kenny Loggins children's album. At any rate, it's a nice song in which he tries to convince his son to fall asleep (because if he can't even sing his own son to sleep "it would make your famous father look so dumb").

Loves Me Like a Rock: Back to the energetic, percussion-heavy style of the first two tracks. This one is a nice tribute to moms. "My mama, she loves me / she loves me / she gets down on her knees and hugs me / and she loves me like a rock / she loves me like the Rock of Ages". Quite a few religious references in this song as well.

Kodachrome: Yippee! My favorite on the album, second-favorite solo song. It's got a hard edge to it, great guitar work, and it's just plain nifty. I'm surprised I like it so much, since it's even got a vulgarity in it. (About as mild a vulgarity as you can get, though I once read an interview in which Paul Simon claimed this song was groundbreaking because it was the first song containing a vulgarity to run uncensored on the airwaves.) I've tried, though, and I can't come up with anything comparable that would work as a replacement. It's pretty hard to be offended by its use, unless you happen to have been a teacher at Forest Hills High School in the fifties...

Anyway, this is a song about nostalgia, and nothing fuels nostalgia better than a photograph. Kodachrome happens to be a very special kind of Kodak film which causes the colors in the picture to come out looking brighter than life. It's a very cheery format. Around the time Simon wrote the song, Kodak was talking about shelving this type of film. Perhaps in part due to Simon's plea, they didn't. But now, 28 years later, they finally decided to do away with it. (((sigh))) Oh, well. I guess Kodachrome itself will be a part of that nostalgia now.

"Kodachrome / give us such nice bright colors / give us the greens of summer / make me think all the world is a sunny day, oh yeah / I got a Nikon camera / I love to take a photograph / so mama don't take my Kodachrome away."

Have a Good Time

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover: Fun and unique, and, incidentally, the first of the four songs butchered by those guys on SNL. The message is don't sit around stuck in a relationship that you don't want to be in. There are lots of ways to get out of it, so pick one and get going!

"Just slip out the back, Jack / Make a new plan, Stan / Don't try to be coy, Roy / Just listen to me / Hop on the bus, Gus / Don't need to discuss much / Just drop off the key, Lee / And get yourself free."

Still Crazy After All These Years: Probably the most cliched song title of Simon's solo career. By which I mean, turned into a cliche; Simon once said he couldn't believe that it hadn't been a phrase before he made it one. This is a slower, retrospective song which is a nice break from the frantic energy of so many others.

Late in the Evening: And we really needed the break because this one is probably the most energetic song on the album. Sort of a Turn the Page type of "my life as a singer" song. Not really one of my favorites, but it certainly does stand out.

Slip Slidin' Away: Very mellow, about how our goals and dreams seem to slip from our grasp just as we've almost achieved them. (And if Paul Simon ever had a music video in mind for this song, I'm sure it did not involve a couple guys slipping and falling flat on their backs -- sorry, last SNL reference. I promise. I'll be good.) "Slip slidin' away / Slip slidin' away / You know the nearer your destination, the more you're slip slidin' away."

Hearts and Bones: Title track from his early 80s album which focused largely on his rocky and brief marriage to Carrie Fisher. Almost a Simon and Garfunkel album, but Simon changed his mind and erased Garfunkel's vocals from the tracks in mid-production...ouch!

Train in the Distance

Rene and Georgette Magritte with their Dog After the War: To my knowledge, the longest Paul Simon song title. A nice soft song which paints a verbal picture.

Diamonds on the Soles of her Shoes: At five and three-fourths minutes, this collaboration with Ladysmith Black Mambazo is the longest track on the album, one of the longest Simon's ever recorded. I'll always remember the first time I heard this song, in my senior English class in high school when my classmate, Ian, played it as part of his presentation on the music of South Africa. A song about class difference, this tune, enhanced by the African singers, is reminiscent of The Boxer in the way that it repeats a musical phrase over and over.

You Can Call Me Al: One of Paul Simon's most famous solo songs, made so in part by his collaboration with Chevy Chase for a humorous music video. (Ooops, was that on SNL? Well, if it was, it's not where I saw it, so I'm pleading the fifth.) "If you'll be my bodyguard / I can be your long-lost pal / You can call me Betty / Betty, when you call me / You can call me Al."

Well, I guess that about does it. I've been meaning to review a Paul Simon album for quite some time, as I have the unfortunate habit of skimping on Simon and gushing over Garfunkel. Oh, well, we all have our favorites. Paul Simon is a genius, though, then and now. His ability to manipulate words into lyrics makes a wannabe poet like me cringe with feelings of unworthiness. This album is a great introduction to Simon's solo work, which spans across decades and dozens of songs. What can I say? His induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was well deserved.

"Ohhhhh Noooooo!!!!!"

I confess that I am relieved at the moment that my 12-year-old brother can't be coaxed into reading my on-line reviews. If he never looks, hopefully he'll never know. If someone snitches on me and he finds out, I'll be in a heap of trouble for piling salacious libel on poor Mr. Bill. I mean, he ranks right up there with Red Green! Ahem. So, that aside, I am going to spew my venom on this harmless clay creature with the squeaky voice and hope that Nathan never finds out...

For those of you fortunate enough not to know, Mr. Bill is a Saturday Night Live veteran made of Playdoh. He is characterized by his clownish appearance and high voice. In more recent history, a cousin of his by the name of Mr. Pizza Head clogged the airwaves before Pizza Hut mercifully decided to terminate his tenure as their mascot. Mr. Bill is accompanied in each episode by Spot, a little brown Playdoh dog. Together, they face the onslaught of the falsely friendly Mr. Hands (who is a pair of human hands, and who manipulates Mr. Bill and the other clay folks) and the sinister clay man Mr. Sluggo.

This episode chronicles the best of Mr. Bill's shows. Each show is approximately five minutes long, give or take. In the very first episode, Mr. Hands sounds like he just breathed in a helium tank and Mr. Bill's squeakiness factor is off the charts. Luckily, Mr. Hands has a normal voice next time we hear him, and Bill's voice is at least tolerably high. On this video, we watch Mr. Bill go to the circus, get a new house, go to Saturday Night Live, hitch-hike out of town, go to the beach, hide in the closet, go on trial, and go to the psychiatrist, among other things.

In each episode, Mr. Hands pretends that he is trying to be nice to Mr. Bill, and he always winds up chopping off or squishing some part of the clay clown or inflicting bodily damage on Spot or Mr. Bill's girlfriend, Miss Sally. At some point, Mr. Hands always introduces Mr. Sluggo, who he claims is there to help Mr. Bill. Sluggo never talks, he just plays the role of the villain. Every time he comes out, Mr. Bill moans, "He's gonna be mean to me!" Whenever something bad happens to him or his dog, he can be heard to wail "Ohhhhhh nooooooo!" And whenever Mr. Hands makes a suggestion or improvement and asks for Bill's opinion, Bill insists "I don't like it!" You've seen one episode, you've seen 'em all.

One episode is about all I care to take of this high-pitched victim, but this video's got plenty of episodes to drive folks like me crazy. You do get a reprieve, at least, with the intermission, which is a public service announcement advertising boulevards on which books are printed in Burma Shave style.

There are people who find Mr. Bill hilarious. My brother is one of them. If you think your son or daughter may be as well, DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO STOP THEM FROM DISCOVERING THIS!! All right, seriously, it's not THAT awful, but if you thought the Chipmunks were annoying...well, let's just say that Mr. Bill is not someone you want to invite into your house willingly!

Stick with Nick

I'm not even sure if Nickelodeon still runs the animated series Inspector Gadget, but if it does, watch that instead. I grew up on that show, with its clueless hero, his brainiac dog and niece, and his poor chief who always managed to get himself blown up. It was cute, it was funny, it was a good cartoon. But Disney seems to have a recent trend in turning good cartoons into bad movies. Inspector Gadget is the latest example of this phenomenon.

Matthew Broderick stars as John Brown, a police officer wannabe who, after an unsuccessful attempt to catch murderer Dr. Claw (Rupert Everett), has his body destroyed by a car explosion and is provided a new one by the pretty scientist Brenda Bradford (Joley Fischer) whose father was the victim of the murder. The body comes equipped with a myriad of gadgets, and these are what will be used to catch Dr. Claw and bring him to justice.

As usual, Penny has a lot more to do with catching the bad guy than the Inspector does; he bumbles his way through most of the movie, causing physical harm to many and laying waste to a good deal of the town. Brain has little to do with this movie as a cute beagle who spends most of his time tucked under Penny's arm. Taking Brain's place in importance is the Gadgetmobile, a wisecracking car who is most responsible for the apprehension of the bad guys.

A cast of supporting dodos rounds out this movie, from SNL veteran Cheri Oteri as the thoroughly annoying mayor to Andy Dick as Claw's wimpy mad scientist assistant. Instead of the menacing, never-seen presence that Dr. Claw presents in the cartoon, the movie version is goony at best. And his imitation Inspector Gadget, who looks little like Broderick except for the clothes, goes beyond obnoxious as a menace to society. Cartoony action and bad slapstick are the order of the day, but it was done so poorly that I only found myself chuckling a couple times.

This movie had very few redeeming qualities that I could see. Yes, the gadgets were kind of cool, but I'd much rather see them in cartoon form on the clueless inspector I grew to love, excellently voiced by Don Adams. My advice to you: skip this movie and find some old episodes of the animated series instead. It's much funnier and not nearly as disgusting.