Corny Underdog Entertains, With Some Help From Peter Dinklage and Patrick Warburton

When I was in elementary school, there was a stretch of time when I awoke bright and early every morning at 5 a.m. so that I could start my day with a series of old-timey TV shows before I went off to school. These included Lassie (I had such a crush on Timmy), Dennis the Menace, Rocky and Bullwinkle and Underdog. I hadn't watched those in years, though, so I barely remembered the premise of Underdog when I watched the live-action movie a couple weeks ago. And could a cartoon that operated under time constraints of about 15 minutes per episode really be effectively stretched into an hour and a half-long movie?

In the movie, Underdog is an ineffectual police dog voiced by Jason Lee who winds up in a lab where Dr. Simon Barsinister, a nefarious scientist played by the always-impressive Peter Dinklage, is running experiments in hopes of creating super-powered animals. Something goes haywire, and the humble beagle ends up getting a full dose of the madman's goo, resulting in a shocking transformation, the impact of which the dog doesn't initially realize. It becomes clearer to him when Dan Unger (Jim Belushi), a guard at the lab, comes across him in the street and brings him home to his son. Jack (Alex Neuberger) is a typical overdramatic teenager. He has issues with his dad, and he's initially completely turned off by the arrival of the dog, who Dan names Shoeshine. But when Underdog starts talking in Dan's absence, Jack decides that he might make pretty good company after all, and when he realizes the extent of his abilities, he urges the pooch to take on a secret identity and purge the city of evil deeds.

This is a very slapsticky sort of movie. There are lots of cheesy special effects related to the various stunts that Shoeshine / Underdog can pull. All of the actors deliver performances that are fairly over-the-top, and most of the time I find Neuberger a bit grating. Taylor Momsen, who I loved as Cyndi Lou in How the Grinch Stole Christmas, has grown up a lot, but while her character is perfectly likable, I found her performance rather generic. The most low-key performance is Belushi's; some of his characters grate on my nerves, but he makes Dan a very sympathetic guy who's obviously doing his best to preserve his broken family. Meanwhile, the most entertaining members of the cast are Dinklage, who revels in Dr. Barsinister's exaggerated villainy, and Patrick Warburton, who, as the doctor's sidekick, is slightly more ill-intentioned than usual but every bit as dopey as his typical character. A running joke involving a thesaurus is particularly amusing.

If you're looking for a really top-notch dog movie, Underdog isn't the place to start, but it's pretty fun nonetheless. The bad guys' bumbling antics, father-son bonding, Shoeshine's growing self-confidence and hints of romance of the teenage and canine variety (with an amusing nod to Lady and the Tramp) all help to make this a fun flick for the Hannah Montana generation, and if you grew up watching Underdog - the first episode of the cartoon, incidentally, is offered as an extra - it might be a fun walk down memory lane.

Kronk's New Groove Reaches No New Heights of Awfulness

Back in 2005, a friend of my brother's presented him with a Christmas gift wrapped up with an apology. "This movie is terrible," he informed him. But he gave it to him anyway. Living in dread, I suppose, of such a wretched movie, Nathan never bothered to watch it. But now that I dipped my toe in first, I may just have to force him to take he plunge next time he's around. Because Kronk's New Groove really wasn't such a bad movie...

I'm probably more forgiving than I should be. But I was expecting a lot worse than what I got in this Disney cheapquel whose title character is my favorite aspect of the animated feature The Emperor's New Groove. Voiced by Patrick Warburton, Kronk is a burly dolt with a gentle soul who winds up the henchman of evil Yzma (Eartha Kitt) but is most content to spend his days cooking and passing on his knowledge of squirrel speech.

In Kronk's New Groove, he's living out his dream, but he's convinced that's not good enough for his father (John Mahoney), who has written to inform him of his impending visit. Kronk pulls out a wallet full of photos demonstrating his father's lack of empathy; we're treated to shots of "The Cold Shoulder, the Frenzied Eyebrow, the Grimace of Doom, the Sneer of Despair, the Crippling Wince of Guilt, the Scowl of Impending Wrath, and worst of all, the Nostril Flare of Total Rejection."

Wailing about his unresolved daddy issues and revealing the unfortunate events that followed his separation from Yzma - most significantly, losing his girlfriend as a result of a misunderstanding and letting Yzma trick him into swindling his beloved old folks' home residents out of their remaining money - Kronk hatches a desperate plot to fool his father into thinking he has the beautiful family and the house on the hill that would make him see Kronk as a success.

One of Kronk's elderly friends is a fellow by the name of Rudy. The feisty fellow makes for a fun character, but the role is notable mainly because it is the final film of John Fiedler, the voice of Piglet for decades, along with many other characters. Tracey Ullman puts in an appearance as Kronk's love interest, fellow camp counselor Ms Birdwell, but I didn't find the role too memorable; in fact, I couldn't connect with that whole sub-plot at all.

There's a lot of slapstick, a lot of rapid-fire comedy that will set well with Saturday morning cartoon fans. It's certainly not brilliant movie-making; the plot is generally silly and sometimes convoluted. Though it was only about 70 minutes long, I nodded off a couple times. Still, I liked most of what I saw. Kronk is such a lovable lug, and my fondness for John Mahoney elevated my enjoyment as well.

There's nothing award-winning about Kronk's New Groove. But that includes the Razzies.

Joe May Be Somebody, but the Movie is Nothing

Last Saturday, I was bored and frustrated after spending the early afternoon plowing through some difficult reading for school, and I was looking for any excuse I could find to get away from my homework. So Dad proposed that I accompany my brother and his friend to the dollar theater for a fun diversion. The viewing choices were limited, and Joe Somebody was the only film with a PG rating. None of us knew much about it, but we figured that we would be pretty safe with a Tim Allen movie. And for a buck, it would be no huge sacrifice if the movie didn't turn out to be that great. So at least we went in without high expectations.

In the film, Tim Allen portrays Joe Scheffer, a video designer at a pharmaceutical company. Some of the biggest ripples of audience laughter throughout the film occurred when the narrator on his commercials recited a seemingly endless list of possible side effects. This exaggeration was rather amusing the first time, but repeating it was unnecessary and increased the impression that this movie didn't have much to go on. Most of its comedic moments depended on one of two gags: a ridiculously long recitation of side effects or some painful injury to the family jewels. The latter caused our neighbor to nearly collapse laughing, but my brother and I found it only mildly funny the first time and increasingly obnoxious the next several times.

But back to the story. Scheffer is a nobody, a guy whose contributions are never noticed. He's been skipped over for a promotion, he just got divorced, and he doesn't have any friends. In fact, nobody seems to care about him at all except for his daughter Natalie (Hayden Panattiere). So it's "Poor, poor, Joseph, whatcha gonna do, things look bad for you, hey, whatcha gonna do?" at this point. Joe's life takes a bit of an upward turn when he meets Meg (Julie Bowen), the company counselor who seems to be rather taken with him. But it slides right down to rock bottom again when he gets beaten up in the parking lot by Mark McKinney (Patrick Warburton) in the parking lot in front of his daughter on Take Your Daughter to Work Day.

Utterly humiliated, Joe locks himself in his house and immerses himself in housework. But he cannot escape his job forever. Meg comes knocking on his door after he has been absent for several days and convinces him to come back to work. Inadvertently, she also inspires him to challenge Mark to a rematch when he returns to work after his suspension. In no time at all, everyone in the office gets wind of the upcoming fight, and suddenly Joe is everyone's best friend. He gets to play squash in the exclusive company club, he gets a promotion even bigger than the one he was hoping for, he gets his own parking space, and he even gets to hobnob with Governor Ventura at the Minnesota Timberwolves game.

Life is good for Joe. All he needs now is the skill to beat Mark, and for that he enlists the aid of washed-up action film star Chuck Scarett (Jim Belushi), who uses unconventional methods to teach Joe what he needs to know. Both Meg and Natalie disapprove of Joe's decision to fight Mark, and despite his newfound popularity, Joe faces animosity from Jeremy (Greg Germann), a prissy exec with the hots for Meg. Before the film comes to a close, Joe will have to sort out what really matters to him and decide who his real friends are.

Nothing in this movie is very well developed. Natalie, who could have been a vital character, virtually disappears for the middle of the film. Callie (Kelly Lynch), Joe's eclectic ex-wife, confesses towards the end of the film that she is lonely and misses Joe terribly. And that's it. Apparently her renewed attraction to Joe stems from his new personality, but we can't be too sure. She never follows up on her feelings, and I'm inclined to wonder why they bothered sticking that scene in the movie. Similarly, Joe complains loudly about Callie's public displays of affection with her boyfriend, but he shows no qualms about kissing Meg while he is sitting right next to Callie at his daughter's school play. And no one else seems to care, either. Stupid.

Basically, I thought this was a very poorly done movie. I'm not sorry I went to see it. It was still fun. But I'm very glad I didn't see it for full price. The low-grade humor, the inane soundtrack (same seven notes played over and over and over...), the underdevelopment, the corniness... Somebody tell me why Tim Allen agreed to be in it.

"A Llama?! He's Supposed to be Dead!" "Yeah, Weird..."

The first time I saw a preview for The Emperor's New Groove, I thought, "Boy, does that look weird." I mean, a movie about a prince who turns into a llama? Wow. And weird it is. But it's also funny, with the humor making up the bulk of the film.

Kuzco (David Spade) is a young South American prince about to turn 18. He is arrogant and self-centered, putting his silly whims above the needs of his people. I confess that I find Spade terribly annoying, so I wasn't too unhappy when his narration caught up to the scene in the beginning and we didn't have to hear his commentary anymore. It was funny at times, but mostly I found it distracting.

Kuzco's attitude doesn't win him a lot of friends. In the space of only a few minutes, he boots an old man out of the castle for throwing off his groove, informs a village leader, Pacha (John Goodman), that he will be building a resort over his town, and terminates the employment of his advisor, Izma, who is beginning to take too many liberties with her post.

Furious, Izma plots revenge. Enlisting the aid of her gentle buffoonish sidekick, Kronk, she sets about poisoning the impetuous prince. The plan is much complicated, however, when Kronk accidentally uses the llama serum, leaving a very much alive prince who happens to look like a llama.

Charged with the task of disposing of the prince once and for all, Kronk knocks Kuzco out but is unable to finish the job by throwing him over a waterfall; his confused consciences are little help, but Kronk decides on his own that he doesn't have the heart to kill the prince. As he ponders his next course of action, the sack containing the prince tumbles out of his arms and onto Pacha's cart. Hoping this won't come back to haunt him, Kronk walks away from the crowd and back to the castle.

When Kuzco awakes, he is on a mountaintop surrounded by llamas. When Pacha discovers him, he warns the prince that the way down the mountain is perilous; he agrees to guide him if the prince will nix the resort idea. Of course, this is unacceptable to Kuzco, so he continues on his way alone. It's not long, however, before the prince discovers that what he needs most right now is a friend, and he may just be able to find that friend in the form of a common villager.

The remainder of the film is an action-packed account of Kuzco and Pacha's journey back to the castle to reclaim Kuzco's humanity. With Izma and Kronk hot on their trail, the new friends overcome obstacles with wit and style. In one of the film's funniest scenes, Both the bad guys and the good guys are in the same diner during lunch, and they very nearly bump into one another on several occasions. Kuzco still hasn't quite learned to trust Pacha, but before the film is over he will need his new buddy to beat Izma on his own turf.

I had just watched Jackie Chan Adventures with my brother the day we rented this, and I felt a sense of deja vu. In that episode, Jackie and his niece capture a talisman that allows them to change into different animals, and throughout the episode they use it constantly, populating the island on which they're stranded with some very strange animals. In this movie, Izma has a shelf full of animal serums. Only one is the human potion. As Kuzco tries to locate the correct potion, a hilarious chase scene ensues that leaves the audience wondering what the characters will turn into next.

All in all, this is a film chock full of laughs, and I'd certainly recommend it. It was, at times, a little too tongue-in-cheek for my liking, and it could have used a couple more songs, but other than that it's a fine addition to your Disney collection, and certainly one of the most original films you'll find on your shelf. A prince that turns into a llama...weird.