Dr. Demento Presents the Not-Quite-Greatest Christmas Novelty CD of All Time

I love Christmas music of all kinds. Sometimes, that means the just plain silly. If you, too, like to get a little goofy at Christmastime, Dr. Demento Presents the Greatest Christmas Novelty CD Of All Time is a pretty good choice. Now, I might take issue with the title, as some of my favorite novelty Christmas songs are missing, and not all the tracks leave me in stitches. Still, there’s some great stuff on here, including several songs you might have heard on the radio in December. In fact, I received this after my mom jokingly told my aunt that I wanted a hippopotamus for Christmas. My aunt responded by tracking down this CD, which contains the song that inspired that suggestion. I’m glad she did.

The Chipmunk Song - It seems that most people fall in to the “love it” or “hate it” camp when it comes to Ross Bagdasarian’s high-pitched ditty that has been a Christmas staple for half a century. Theodore, Simon and especially Alvin are anxious for Christmas. Hapless Dave Seville just wants them to get through the song, but Alvin needs to make it clear just how desperately he wants a hula hoop. When you think about it, that’s an awfully modest request. But there’s nothing modest about his haranguing manner in driving the point home. “We can hardly stand the wait; please, Christmas, don’t be late!”

All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth - Spike Jones was a big name in novelty records, and this is one of his most memorable efforts. The liner notes point out that this is the earliest song on the album, hailing from the late 1940s, and it’s chock full of silly sound effects, as well as trumpeter George Rock’s ridiculous kiddie voice. A kazoo-laden instrumental version of Jingle Bells and a riff on A Visit From St. Nicholas add to the amusement in this tale of woe from a kid who is tired of his dental issues making him incomprehensible. “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth so I can with you Merry Chrithmath!”

Jingle Bells - Cheerful guitar and jingling bells make an innocuous background for this rather head-scratching track. It’s dogs. Barking Jingle Bells. It reminds me of the little Casio keyboard I got when I was six or so, in which one of the sound options was barking dogs. Fun when you’re a little kid. Probably not something you really want to listen to for more than a few seconds as an adult.

The Twelve Gifts of Christmas - This Allan Sherman take on the tedious Christmas classic is the first off-kilter version that I heard, and I still consider it one of the best. His amusingly bland voice, used to such great effect in Letter From Camp, tickles the funny bone again as he chronicles the ridiculous gifts he has received for Christmas. The list is just as absurd as in the original; the difference is that this guy realizes how bizarre it all is. A quirky commentary on the commercialism and kitsch the often accompany Christmas. “On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a statue of a lady with a clock where her stomach ought to be, a simulated alligator wallet, a calendar book with the name of my insurance man, green polka-dot pajamas and a Japanese transistor radio.”

I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas - I discovered this song written by John Rox and recorded by brassy-voiced youngster Gayla Peevey about four years ago, but it’s been floating around since in the early 1950s. Gayla, who was ten at the time, actually got her hippopotamus, which she donated to the Oklahoma City Zoo, which I imagine was a little roomier than her “two-car garage.” Stereotypically, children are known to petition Santa for ponies and puppies for Christmas. This song is thinking out of the box, and as a life-long hippo lover, I always get a smile out of it. “No crocodiles or rhinoceroses; I only like hippopotamuses, and hippopotamuses like me too!”

Nuttin’ for Christmas - Stan Freberg is one of several singers who recorded this song in the 1950s. He sounds like quite the rascal, with a voice that reminds of ne’er-do-well Lampey in Pinocchio. I prefer versions where the kid seems contrite over his misdeeds; here, he most definitely revels, even going so far as to conspire with a Christmas burglar. Definitely not a child to emulate… “I did a dance on Mommy’s plants, climbed a tree and tore my pants, filled the sugar bowl with ants. Somebody snitched on me.”

A Christmas Carol - I love Tom Lehrer, one of the mid-century pillars of the novelty music scene. Very much like Straight No Chaser’s Christmas Can-Can but a good deal shorter, and only featuring one singer, this is a cynical look at Christmas shopping craziness. It incorporates several traditional carols like Hark! The Herald Angels Sing, Angels We Have Heard on High and God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, inserting new lyrics poking fun at the insanity that ensues this time of year. “On Christmas Day, you can’t get sore. Your fellow man you must adore. There’s time to rob him all the more the other three-hundred and sixty-four.”

Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer - I have mixed feelings about this Randy Brooks song. Really, it’s in rather poor taste. On the other hand, it has been known to make me chuckle now and then. Not poor Grandma’s plight, but some of those lines are pretty funny. Plus, my beloved Irish Rovers recorded it before Elmo and Patsy did, and loyalty compels me to at least tolerate their version, which is a lot less hickish than this one, in which the singers sound tipsy half the time. I do love the part, though, when “Grandpa” kicks in with his super-deep voice… “Grandma got run over by a reindeer walkin’ home from our house Christmas Eve. You can say there’s no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Grandpa, we believe.”

I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas - Recorded by Harry Stewart as Yogi Yorgesson, this is another pretty old track, hailing from 1949. As a gal with Swedish blood who loves listening to Garrison Keillor’s A Prairie Home Companion, I get a kick out of this faux Scandinavian who tells us, in his ridiculous accent, all the ways he gets a little loony at Christmas. And mostly, that seems to be a good thing. Also, the second song on the album to draw heavily from A Visit From St. Nicholas. “Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas. Shopping sure drives me berserk. On the day before, I rush in da store like a nervous nelly yerk…”

The Twelve Gifts of Christmas - Here’s another 12 Days parody, and it’s more of a comedy routine than a straightforward song. Bob and Doug McKenzie, a Canadian comedy duo portrayed by Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas in a series of Great White North sketches, present a more talking than singing list of gifts, and it’s sort of the opposite of Allan Sherman’s song since this is stuff they actually want to get. It’s very salt-of-the-earth stuff: beer, bacon, French toast, turtlenecks, comic books… They only really make it to day eight before konking out, and they never quite manage to sync up with the cheesy background music that’s always running too fast for them, but that’s part of the fun. “Boy, that song was a beauty. It… it moved me.” “Yeah, I think it ranks up there with Stairway to Heaven.”

Green Chri$tma$ - And here we have the second 12 Days parody in a row, though that’s only one element of this old-timey Stan Freberg sketch that deposits Ebenezer Scrooge and Bob Cratchit into a board meeting in which Scrooge and his sycophants espouse the value of using Christmas to advertise products while Bob tries to argue for the true meaning of the holiday. Parodies of We Wish You a Merry Christmas, Deck the Halls and Jingle Bells make an appearance, and carols like O Come All Ye Faithful show up in instrumental form. It presents a pretty bleak picture of how thoroughly Christmas has turned into a big cash cow, and it ends on a bit of a downer. A tad on the preachy side, but it makes its point effectively. “Christmas has two S’s in it, and they’re both dollar signs.” “Yeah, but they weren’t there to begin with. The people keep hoping you’ll remember, but you never do.” “Remember what?” “Whose birthday we’re celebrating.”

I’m a Christmas Tree - Short and pretty much pointless. A collaboration between Wild Man Fischer and Dr. Demento himself, It’s a tuneless dirge by two guys accompanied only by jingle bells, and they lament how depressing it is to be a Christmas tree. Well, it certainly sounds depressing, and they appear to be making it up off the top of their heads, which accounts for the fact that half the time they are spouting different lyrics. No rhythm, little rhyme, nonsensical, and they sound drunk. “Oh, Santa Claus! Oh, Santa Claus! He breaks lots of laws! He trespasses! He breaks and enters! He travels all around the world without a valid passport!”

I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus - A one-note parody with a twist ending. In the original song, the kid gets a little peek and the humor lies in his misunderstanding of the situation. Here, the narrator, the adult Kip Addotta sounding like a whiny kid and thus not very musical, gets a whole big eyeful, and no matter who it is underneath that Santa suit, he comes across as a major peeping tom. A xylophone, accordion and trombone add to the rather annoying sound of the track. “There must be some mistake. Was I really awake? I rubbed my eyes and moved in close, a better look to take…”

Santa Claus and His Old Lady - In this Cheech and Chong sketch, one is trying to explain to the other who Santa Claus is, and it’s a pretty strange take on the iconic character. They both seem kinda stoned, which I guess is pretty typical for the duo. A bit of instrumental background music and a reference to Donde Este Santa Claus?, but mostly it’s just straight talking and pretty dull. “Oh, man, like you don’t know you Santa Claus is, man.” “Yeah, well, I’m not from here, man. Like, I’m from Pittsburgh. I don’t know too many local dudes.”

Christmas at Ground Zero - Usually I love Weird Al Yankovic, but I just can’t find anything funny about nuclear fallout. And I thought his Night Santa Went Crazy was grotesque! He really does sound insane here in this original song, and not in a good way. The cheesy 40s-style background music just makes it all the more irritating. “It’s Christmas at Ground Zero. The button has been pressed. The radio just let us know that this is not a test.”

Christmas Dragnet - Stan Freberg and Daws Butler collaborate on this nearly 7-minute-long Dragnet-style sketch that finishes off the album. A guy named Grudge doesn’t believe in Santa Claus, and they bring him in for questioning. Joe and Frank exchange banter with each other and him. Rambly Frank has a crisis of faith, terse Joe tries to prove Santa’s existence, the three of them head up to the North Pole to investigate further. Okay, but a bit on the drab and overlong side. “It’s Santa Claus! It’s Santa Claus!” “He’s the only guy I know can make everybody happy in one night.”

All the songs I really love are in the first half of the album; the rest are somewhere on the scale between so-so and annoying. The great stuff outweighs the clunkers for me, but it’s an album that I tend to skip around on. Chances are, though, that you will find at least one or two songs here to tickle your funny bone.

Club Chipmunk: The Dance Mixes Doesn't Make Me Wanna Shout

I’ve been acquainting myself with some of the theme albums produced by the novelty group Alvin and the Chipmunks, created by Ross Bagdasarian, Sr., and carried on by his son, Ross Bagdasarian, Jr. What I’m finding is that the more specialized an album is, the more generic it tends to be. The songs are thematically linked, but the only thing Chipmunky about them is those high-pitched voices and maybe an off-hand reference or two to Alvin or one of the other Chipmunks or Chipettes.

Club Chipmunk: The Dance Mixes is probably the most uninteresting Chipmunks album I’ve ever listened to. The songs are peppy, and the technical quality is excellent, but there’s no banter, and Dave Seville is entirely missing from the album. It doesn’t help that dance music isn’t exactly high on my list of preferred genres.

Macarena - This song reached its height of popularity when I was in high school, though it’s still turned up at pretty much every wedding reception I’ve been to since then. It’s catchy, and because the moves are so simple, even a klutz like me can get out on the dance floor and not look like a total dunce. But it’s that interactive element that makes it so fun. The song itself isn’t much to listen to, and the Chipmunks add nothing new to the equation.

Vogue - GLEE recently covered this song, with Sue Sylvester putting her distinctive stamp on it in an amusing music video. Perhaps this track would be more interesting with a similar visual element, but just listening to the Chipettes, it’s another pretty much straightforward cover of a song I already find rather annoying.

Stayin’ Alive - I kinda dig the BeeGees, and this is a fun song to boogie too. It’s also rather suited to the Chipmunks, since there are already high voices at play. On the other hand, it’s harder to understand those long strings of words when they’re coming out of Chipmunk mouths, and again, there’s nothing very unique about the Chipmunks cover.

Play That Funky Music - At least this one has been personalized a tiny bit, with the word “chipmunk” replacing “white boy” after the title phrase. Otherwise, it’s another proficient but unoriginal cover, though I must admit this one had me dancin’ in my seat a bit.

I’m Too Sexy - Unsurprisingly, egotistical Alvin takes the lead on this preening song, adopting an odd accent as he does so. On the one hand, this song has more originality to it than most, with Alvin changing a word here and there - “car” to “bike,” for instance. But even though the song is little more than a list of things he’s “too sexy for,” it still feels a bit inappropriate, considering that the point of this album seems to be to have kid-friendly versions of popular dance songs. Then again, I distinctly remember my fourth grade classmate doing an upper-body strip tease to this in the middle of guidance class...

Witch Doctor - The Chipmunks add a techno beat to this song and make it funkier. Oddly, they change their own song up more than anybody else’s, when I liked their original version better than any other song on this album. This rendition is definitely skippable, and it really makes me miss lovably cranky Dave, who seems to be getting extremely short shrift on recent Chipmunks albums.

Shout - The Chipettes chime in on this song, which is more melodic than most of the tracks on the album. It’s kinda fun to listen to Alvin draw out those long notes, and the gals nail the extra high notes. It’s catchy, but again, not very original.

Love Shack - This is another song that seems a bit inappropriate to me. Yes, they played it at every skating party I went to in elementary school, but it doesn’t seem like a song meant to be sung by characters who are supposed to be just kids themselves. It’s also one of those songs that never seems to end, and I think Chipmunks songs tend to work best when they’re more on the short side. At more than five minutes in length, this is the longest song on the album by a considerable margin.

Macarena - The album ends as it began, only this time the maddeningly infectious ditty is sung entirely in Spanish instead of only partly. I guess it provides a nice bookend, but it seems a little excessive.

I doubt that Bagdasarian feels this was a wasted album; it made it into the Top 10 on Billboard’s Top Kid Audio, and I imagine the album still is making its way into kids’ parties, especially with the resurgence in the Chipmunks’ popularity following the two movies. I can also see how it might be fun to play a Chipmunks version of one of these dance staples at a wedding reception or other occasion where there’s lots of dancing. You can dance along to these versions just as easily, and it might be good for a laugh. But for such an upbeat album, Club Chipmunk is just a little too bland for my tastes.

When You Wish Upon a Chipmunk, Your Dreams of a Great Album Don't Come True

I love Alvin and the Chipmunks, and I’m one of the biggest Disney fans around, so I was intrigued when I saw that this fictional band of high-pitched critters had done an entire album devoted to Disney music. Perhaps I should have worried, given my disappointment with the Chipmunks’ experimentation with the Beatles. But I wanted to give the album a whirl anyway, and what I found was that this is not an album that represents the Chipmunks very well. They do a good job of imitating the sound of the original songs, but there’s little humor or genuine personality to be found.

Hakuna Matata - This cheerful song seems appropriate for the Chipmunks, especially exuberant Alvin. They don’t do much with it, though, aside from adding a further reference to Pumbaa’s gastronomical issues. One of the Chipmunks - I think it’s Simon, though I can’t be sure - portrays Pumbaa, making himself sound gruff but still warthog-like. Except they change the word “warthog” to “chipmunk,” so the whole thing doesn’t make that much sense. At least it’s a peppy way to start the album off.

I’ve Got No Strings - If the first song stuck pretty close to the original, this one turns the Pinocchio song into a techno mix in which Alvin, having just broken up with his girlfriend Brittany, asserts how happy he is to be independent. An interesting take, but after the banter at the beginning of the song, I expected the conversation to continue. It never does, and the Chipettes sound a little strange singing those verses from the movie in their high-pitched phony accents.

Friend Like Me - There’s a lot of comedy in this one, with the boys switching off on doing silly voices in imitation of the Genie in Aladdin. It’s a fun song, though since their voices are rarely their own, it’s hard to tell which of the Chipmunks is singing when.

Kiss the Girl - Alvin is the unwilling recipient of this stream of advice from Theodore and Simon, who don Caribbean accents for this song from The Little Mermaid. They think he has a crush on Vanessa, a character who seems to have been invented for this track, perhaps in homage to the granddaughter of Ross Bagdasarian, Sr., who created the Chipmunks. Alvin is mortified by their meddling, though whether that’s because he doesn’t like the girl or because he does isn’t entirely clear...

Colors of the Wind - The Chipettes take on this stirring song from Pocahontas. It’s a pretty somber song, and they sing it as such. Their version is respectful and very similar to the movie, except that there are more voices and they harmonize rather nicely. Pretty but a bit dull.

Be Our Guest - Another straightforward take on an iconic song from a Disney movie, this time Beauty and the Beast. It’s a very busy and chaotic song, but it still doesn’t feel very Chipmunky, though it is fun to hear Alvin don a French accent and Brittany a British one.

He’s a Tramp - Brittany sings the blues over Alvin’s rascally nature with some help from her fellow Chipettes Eleanor and Jeanette. They bring an R&B flavor to the song, which incorporates the occasional barking of dogs in the background to serve as a reminder that this was a song from Lady and the Tramp.

The Three Caballeros - This song seems very fitting for the Chipmunks, since it’s all about how these three chums are always together. It’s also the most obscure song on the album, which makes it rather interesting. The lively brass and the guys’ harmonizing makes it a fun song, though all the whistling and girl-ogling they do seems slightly age-inappropriate.

Under the Sea - The Chipmunks bust out their impression of Sebastian the crab again, which feels a bit repetitive; I’m a little surprised they included two songs showcasing the same character. Like Kiss the Girl, this is a peppy song, but it lacks any banter and pretty much just sounds like the somebody is playing the Little Mermaid soundtrack on high speed.

When You Wish Upon a Star - Brittany closes out the album with a tender rendition of this classic from Pinocchio as the rest of the gang provides back-up. A soothing finale to the album.

Kids love Disney movies and kids love Alvin and the Chipmunks, so this seems like a natural pairing, and maybe its intended audience will simply be satisfied with the silliness of all those high-pitched voices. But for me, what makes the Chipmunks so great is the comical banter and the ways in which they mold songs to accentuate the individual personalities of Alvin, Simon and Theodore, as well as Brittany, Eleanor and Jeanette - though I tend to prefer albums without the Chipettes. I'd much rather have Dave Seville, the Chipmunks' frazzled guardian, who isn't on the album at all.

This CD feels a bit slapped together, trying to cash in on the popularity of Disney music at the height of the 1990s, when Disney was clearly on a winning streak. It’s a fun album to listen to once, but instead of When You Wish Upon a Chipmunk, I’d suggest just sticking with the original movie soundtracks.

Chipmunks in Low Places Squeal in My Ears on Squirrel Appreciation Day

Today, in honor of Squirrel Appreciation Day, I am filling my ears with the closest thing I can find to squirrel-centric music: Alvin and the Chipmunks. After all, chipmunks have, over the years, been known as “chip squirrels,” “striped squirrels” and “ground squirrels,” so I think they qualify. Chipmunks in Low Places has a lot of squeaky voices, but it also features quite a few folks with normal voices. That’s because it’s an all-star country album, loaded with special guests that will be familiar to anyone who enjoys country music.

Country Pride - This harmonica-heavy opener starts out slow and forlorn before the rollicking piano and wailing electric guitar kicks it up a notch. Alvin takes the lead on this track that is a dizzying ode to country superstars. Have a listen to this album original and see if you can catch them all; he drops 32 names, ranging from Gene Autry to Clint Black, making this about the most crowded song since Rock and Roll Heaven. “Country colors are shades of Sawyer Brown, / Red Foley, Lee Greenwood, I love all those sounds. / I get hungry for some country when I think of Jimmy Dean / Then I get a Reba Mac attack; my appetite's obscene.”

Achy Breaky Heart - Head Chipette Brittany drops by the studio to ask Alvin permission to sit in on their recording session. “I’ll pretend Billy Ray is singing to me,” she gushes. Little does she expect Billy Ray Cyrus to actually show up, sending her into a full swoon. A lot of cute dialogue accompanies this infectious song that dominated the airwaves for what seemed like years when I was in elementary school. Alvin hopes the song will make him a chick magnet; Simon is understandably skeptical, while affable Billy Ray just seems tickled that the Chipmunks who entertained him as a kid are now covering his song. “You can tell your ma I moved to Arkansas / Or you can tell your dog to bite my leg / Or tell your brother Cliff, whose fist can tell my lips / He never really liked me anyway...”

There Ain't Nothing Wrong With the Radio - I’m not familiar with Aaron Tippin, but as a grammar geek, I love the banter he and intellectual Simon share. Simon, who insists on calling his special guest “Mr. Tippin,” takes creative license by fixing all of the grammatical mistakes in the song, starting with “There isn’t anything wrong with the radio.” So what if it doesn’t quite scan? And so what if the changes make initially friendly Aaron red in the face? Again, Aaron doesn’t sing, he merely comments on Simon’s performance - and his comments become more and more irritated with each altered “ain’t”. Very fun song.

Stand by Your Man - Jealous Brittany is in a huff because Alvin evidently has been making eyes at Minnie Mouse and Miss Piggy. She’s supposed to record Stand By Your Man, but she’s so frustrated by her “thoughtless furball” that she can barely bring herself to do it. Tammy Wynette drops by to help get her in the proper mindset, but things don‘t go exactly as planned... “But if you love him you'll forgive him / Even though he's hard to understand, / And if you love him, / Oh be proud of him / 'Cause after all he's just a man.”

Gotta Believe in Pumpkins - Alvin sings this piano-driven inspirational ballad beautifully, up until the portion toward the end when he hams it up William Shatner-style, but it’s hard to take it seriously as a rousing anthem, even when the choir chimes in for the last chorus. That’s because the context is Alvin receiving - or, rather, ignoring - a lecture from perpetually irritated guardian Dave Seville about the deplorable state of his room. Rather reminiscent of Alvin’s Orchestra from my favorite Chipmunks album, Sing Again with the Chipmunks, this original song is pure melodic mayhem. “Faith is just like planting seeds, / They help your dreams come true. / Believe in what's around you, / and good things will come to you.”

Brothers and Old Boots - Charlie Daniels steps in to break up a fight among the three brothers on this song written especially for the album. For the first time on this CD, the special guest actually sings, to the accompaniment of heart-rending violins. It’s a touching performance, at least from him; Alvin, Simon and Theodore, however, seem a little less than sincere, particularly as they alter choice lyrics. Will the message ever sink in? “Now you know there will be days / you'll think of 50 different ways / to put their little bodies in a cast. / But if someone gives you trouble, / you can bet that it’s your brother, / 'Cus bozos and old boots are made to last.”

Don't Rock the Jukebox - Alan Jackson stops by to join the boys in their recording, and before the singing starts, he confesses to some trepidation. Alvin, he’s heard, is notoriously difficult to work with. Alvin protests, but Simon figures that’s a pretty accurate assessment. A fun song, though I’m not sure what Alan is worried about since he doesn’t seem to be actually participating, unless he’s playing an instrument. “I don’t feel like rocking / Since my baby's gone, / So don’t rock the jukebox; / Play me a country song.”

Down at the Twist and Shout - It’s hoe-down time for the Chipmunks and Dave, who is eager to demonstrate what a great dancer he is as his boys sing this cheerful Mary Chapin Carpenter song. But judging by the agonized noises he keeps making, it’s not going so well... “Saturday night and the moon is out. / I wanna head on over to the Twist and Shout, / Find a two-step partner and a Cajun beat. / When it lifts me up I'm gonna find my feet.”

Outlaws - Alvin declares Waylon Jennings his hero as fiddle music plays in the background. He rhapsodizes about how cool it would be to live as an outlaw, while Waylon counters with the less palatable aspects of such a lifestyle. The back-and-forth singing is fun, with inventive lyrics and relentless percussion, and Alvin’s not-so-contrite confession of sins is pretty memorable. Another terrific song that seems to have been written especially for this album. “Robbin' banks and buyin' candy / And eat it all - all by myself. / I'd buy a brand new bike and skateboard / For me to ride and no one else. // It ain't no fun to be an outlaw / When there's a posse on your trail. / It ain't no fun to be an outlaw / Behind some bars - in a jail.”

I Feel Lucky - Another Mary Chapin Carpenter song, and a pretty rockin’ one, with lots of honky-tonk piano. The Chipettes have this song to themselves, and they seem to be doing their best to make themselves as alluring to the guys as possible. Real men, that is; evidently they’ve had it with lads of their own species. Energetic, but as it’s neither an original nor accompanied by dialogue, it feels a little flat in comparison to the other tracks. The only really distinct thing here is that a couple of lines have been sanitized for younger audiences. “Now eleven million later, I was sitting at the bar. / I'd bought the house a double, and the waitress a new car. / Dwight Yoakam's in the corner, trying to catch my eye / Lyle Lovett's comin’ over; I’m tryin’ not to sigh.”

I Ain't No Dang Cartoon - Another original song concludes the album. Alvin sings his life story as guitars twang and low-voiced guys croon in the background. The most famous of the Chipmunks sounds more countryish on this song than any other, at times lapsing into some shrieks that test the tolerance of one’s ears. Incensed at being underestimated and wearing his ego on his sleeve, he compares himself to such towering figures as Albert Einstein, Christopher Columbus and Desmond Tutu. My only complaint? That Dave never cuts in to try putting Alvin in his place. “ My face has been on plates and cups, / Bed sheets, a baby’s potty, / PJs, lunch pails, / Shoes and gowns, / From nice to semi-gaudy. / But that don't mean I'm just a joke / And don't deserve respect. / I may have a tail and be covered with fur, / But I ain't nobody's pet.”

This album, released in 1992, was one of the Chipmunks’ most popular albums, which isn’t too surprising considering all of the crossover potential. It peaked at number six on the Billboard Top Country Albums chart and managed to go platinum. It’s fun to hear the Chipmunks interact with all those acclaimed singers, but what I really love is how they put their unique Chipmunks stamp on every song (with the possible exception of I Feel Lucky). Thanks to the surrounding dialogue, the covers are funny, and the originals are clever and full of personality, so even though country isn’t a genre I listen to that often, I can happily say that Chipmunks in Low Places is one of the best Chipmunks albums I’ve ever heard.

Alvin and the Chipmunks Look to the Skies in The A-Files: Alien Songs

Alvin and the Chipmunks is one of the first bands I ever fell in love with. Sure, the trio of rodents is fictional and, by all accounts, rather ridiculous. But I’ve never lost my fondness for the high-voiced fellas: timid Theodore, brainy Simon and trouble-making frontman Alvin. Every once in a while I find an album of theirs that I haven’t heard before. This week, the library led me to The A-Files: Alien Songs.

This very thematic album came out in 1998, at a time when Men In Black was a recent blockbuster, The X-Files was still on prime time and The Phantom Menace was looming as one of the ultimate pop culture events of the decade. Extraterrestrial life was a hot topic, as well as one that could easily be exploited for the purposes of silliness, so the Chipmunks went to work. At times, they stretch the theme a bit, but I would say that all ten tracks fit the album well.

1. Purple People Eater - The track begins with a narrator introducing Simon, who gleefully announces that he has made contact with an alien. He then launches into this song, which I’ve always found entertaining. The Chipmunks’ rendition is fun, though it’s odd to hear them singing in voices so similar to the one adopted by the alien in the original version. This time, the purple people eater sounds more robotic, with a metallic voice somewhat reminiscent of Short Circuit’s Johnny Five, though considerably higher. Also, the whole thing is extremely techno-fied, which grates on me after a while.

2. Men in Black - Strange spacey sound effects abound in this fairly faithful rendition of the theme song to the Will Smith / Tommy Lee Jones blockbuster. Alvin does a lot of rapping, to the accompaniment of regular human back-up singers, who sound a little odd behind him.

3. X-Files Theme - This is more of a skit than a song, with just Alvin and head Chipette Brittany talking over top of the X-Files theme music. Alvin is Moldy, who firmly believes in his irrational hunches, while Brittany is Scuzzy, his practical, scientifically-minded pal. The two most overbearing characters in the Chipmunks franchise bicker throughout the track, with one claiming the right of “I Told You So” by the end. I love the Chipmunks more for their comedy than their harmony, so I like this track quite a bit.

4. Rocket Man - At first, my Elton John-loving sensibilities were rather shocked by this techno-ish rendition of his classic, complete with very strange-sounding mechanical noises, but toward the end of the first verse, the familiar exasperated voice of Chipmunk guardian Dave Seville pipes up with an irritated, “Alvin, the guys at NASA are very upset...” At which point I realized that Alvin has somehow managed to snag a rocket and head off for an intergalactic adventure. While Alvin and his brothers croon away, seemingly oblivious, Dave interrupts with ever-more-agitated transmissions. A very fun track.

5. Venus - I never much liked this hard-rocking song, and it’s even more grating than usual when the Chipettes sing it. A skipper for me.

6. The Time Warp - Not too crazy about this one either. The Chipmunks and Chipettes join forces on this one, which is even weirder than the original version.

7. People Are Strange - This one picks up where the first track left off, with the alien bemoaning the fact that most people on Earth don’t seem very friendly. Though the song certainly wasn’t originally written to be literally about extra-terrestrials, the lyrics work very well in this context, especially with the added dialogue.

8. Star Wars - Cantina Band - Another skit with familiar music as the background. The Chipmunks stop by the Cantina for a bit of R & R, and Alvin can’t stop bragging about how he and “Hans” Solo are best buddies. Alvin receives no response to his attempts to prove his claims are true, but that doesn’t stop him from going on about his tight friendships with George Lucas and Luke Skywalker...

9. Mr. Spaceman - I wasn’t previously familiar with this song, but it fits the album very well. Probably my favorite of the dialogue-free tracks.

10. Destination Unknown - The Chipettes are back again for this album ender. I think it might have made more sense to end the album with People Are Strange, since it feels like a bookend to Purple People Eater, but as Chipettes songs go, this song, one of the more thematically tenuous tracks, isn’t bad, and the concluding bit is fun.

This is one of several Chipmunks albums that feels like they might be trying a little too hard to be hip. My favorite of their releases features their take on a series of traditional songs like She’ll Be Comin’ ‘Round the Mountain and Home on the Range, with a few originals thrown in. Most of these songs, by contrast, are fairly contemporary pop hits. I could also definitely do with a bit less techno. Nonetheless, several of the tracks are entertaining, especially the ones focusing primarily on comedy. The A-Files is a strange album, but if you have a high tolerance for Dave Seville’s squeaky trio, I recommend it.

Honky Tonk Christmas Displays Alan Jackson at his Country-est

September 11th, 2001 inspired many songwriters to craft musical responses to one of the greatest tragedies in America’s history. Among the many 9-11 songs that emerged, the one that resonated with me most deeply was a humble reflection that acknowledged how many different reactions there were, condemning none while gently encouraging listeners to consider that “Faith, hope and love are some good things [God] gave us, and the greatest is love.” That song was Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning) by Alan Jackson, and I have been a fan ever since.

This year, I decided it was high time I checked out his Christmas albums. Honky Tonk Christmas came out in 1993, and there’s no mistaking that it’s a country album. Most of the songs here are unfamiliar to me, which makes it more interesting, and though I listen to this genre of music only occasionally, I find the overt country flavor quite fun, and sometimes touching. One thing I’ve always appreciated about country music is that so much of it is narrative, and there are some great stories to be found here.

1. A Honky Tonk Christmas - A very twangy lament in which the speaker bemoans the loss of a love but asserts, “I’ll be over you by New Year’s Eve.” Too peppy to be depressing, it boasts verses full of amusing turns of phrase. A fun start to the album.

2. The Angels Cried - A lovely duet with Alison Krauss, whose voice reminds me a bit of Dolly Parton’s. Sweet and reflective, it imagines the angels’ reaction to the birth of Jesus. “The angels knew what was to come / The reason God had sent his son from up above / It filled their hearts with joy to see / And knowing of his destiny came tears of love...”

3. If We Make It Through December - The twangy guitars are back, and like the first track, it find the speaker in a rough spot, but the tone is less whiny here, more optimistic: “If we make it through December, we’ll be fine.” Love the banjo work too.

4. If You Don't Wanna See Santa Claus - A slow song reminiscent song reminiscent of Baby, Please Come Home, it’s romantic and morose, begging, “Baby, come back to me if you don’t wanna see Santa Claus cry.”

5. I Only Want You For Christmas - The first unabashedly cheerful song on the album. “Tie a ribbon around yourself,” he suggests, and the implication is that here, he’s asking for something he already has rather than pining away after someone who’s left him.

6. Merry Christmas to Me - But it’s back to the lament with this one, the only song on the album written by Jackson. This plaintive number is drenched in mournful fiddles as he describes opening a present he doesn’t want to give himself and realizing how sad it is to be alone. “Today I took some paper from the closet / And wrapped the wedding ring / You left behind / And I addressed it to the man / Who vowed to love you...”

7. Have a Holly Jolly Christmas - It’s odd to hear this one after six unfamiliar tunes, but it’s nice to have at least one song on the album that most people can probably sing along with the first time around. Pretty straightforward, but I love the fiddles.

8. There's a New Kid in Town - This duet with Keith Whitley is just as lovely as The Angels Cried, with an instrumental bit reminiscent of Dire Straits‘ theme song for The Princess Bride. Humble and quiet, it imagines the Bethlehem innkeeper responding to inquiries about the long-awaited king with, “there’s a new kid in town, but he’s just another baby, I suppose...” The mandolin adds a poignant touch to this tender track, which is perhaps my favorite on the album.

9. Santa's Gonna Come in a Pickup Truck - Alan teams up with Alvin and the Chipmunks for this fun track that, like If It Doesn’t Snow on Christmas, deals with meteorological barriers to Santa making his Christmas Eve trip. Alvin is especially worried that Santa won’t make it; he’s gotten a little greedier since the early days when his wildest dreams involved a hula hoop, and now he wants a 747. Alan tries to convince Alvin that he’s missing the point of Christmas, but his efforts don’t have much effect... “Santa's comin’ in a pickup / Instead of his trusty sleigh. / He'll have a truck instead of reindeer / To carry him on his way...”

10. Please Daddy (Don't Get Drunk This Christmas) - This is one of my favorite John Denver Christmas songs just because the subject matter is so unusual. Really, it’s quite a depressing song, but at least it leaves us with the possibility that Daddy will take heed this time around. The lyrics are a downer, but the music, with the honky tonk piano and lively fiddle, is unfailingly chipper, making it a good bookend for the opening track. And if somebody takes the message to heart, so much the better. “Just last year when I was only seven / (Now I'm almost eight, as you can see) / You came home a quarter past eleven / And fell down underneath our Christmas tree...”

In 2002, Alan Jackson released a more traditional Christmas album entitled Let It Be Christmas, and I’m anxious to check that one out as well. It’s more along the lines of what I usually listen to. But I love the unique flavor of Honky Tonk Christmas, and I’d be glad to deck my halls to the tune of those banjos and fiddles this December and the next.

Sing We Now of Christmas: Join Me in Celebrating the Songs of the Season!

One of my favorite aspects of the end of the year is listening to Christmas music. I'm one of those people who has endless tolerance for these seasonal tunes, though generally I discipline myself and only listen to them for about two months so as to enhance my appreciation for them the next time around. I have a thick stack of Christmas albums at home, and every year I happily pull them out - though for the third year running, a local radio station has provided all Christmas music, all the time, decreasing my motivation to put the old favorites into rotation. There's something exhilarating about stumbling upon a song I absolutely love when I'm not expecting it. I have the radio tuned to the sounds of the season as often as possible, and whether I'm putting away stock at work or dozing away in my bed, there are certain songs that always cause me to stop for a moment just to listen (and maybe, if I am sufficiently unaccompanied, sing along). Below is a list of my favorite non-traditional Christmas songs; most are ones I regularly hear on the radio, but I've also included a few that ought to be in the rotation.

Peace on Earth, Good Will to Men

What better time than Christmas to try to embrace our better natures and build a bridge to a brighter tomorrow?

Do They Know It's Christmas? - This hit single released in the early 80s by a group of pop stars going by the name Band Aid is every bit as timely today as it was then. It's an important reminder of how many people there are living in hunger and poverty in the world. The focus is on Africa, though the sentiment could be expanded to encompass other continents as well. The point is to look at "the world outside your window" and do something constructive about its problems. The song is a little simplistic, and watching the video with its line-up of 80s idols with bad hair is rather amusing, but songwriter Bob Geldof's efforts to raise global consciousness are admirable, and it also happens to be one of the catchiest songs on the radio this time of year. The pounding percussion! The resonant tolling of bells! The searing accusation by Bono! Boy George's eerily feminine pipes joyfully encouraging us, "Throw your arms around the world at Christmastime!" Why, thank you... I think I will!

Happy Xmas (War Is Over) - While we're on the subject of saving the world, I must let John Lennon have his say. I first heard this song on Neil Diamond's Christmas album; when I finally heard the original, I was surprised at how similar the arrangements were. I've since heard another version that is also nearly identical. It's a very simple song, but the counter-melody is such a perfect complement to the main vocals that any embellishments would detract from its power. Like much of Lennon's work, it advocates peace, and the choir of children is representative of a hope that future generations will better learn how to live with one another. It too is sadly as appropriate today as when it was written, with its pleading mantra of "War is over if you want it." While there's no acknowledgment of the divine in this song, at least there's not the sense that Lennon was bashing religion (which I must admit he did a bit in Imagine), and I can't see anything anti-Christian about his desire for brotherhood. This is my favorite song from Lennon's solo career.

Someday at Christmas - I couldn't tell you when it was that I first heard this song, but last year was when I really took notice of it. When I finally looked it up, I felt like a dolt because I'd thought the song was sung by a woman, when in fact those were the dulcet tones of Stevie Wonder I'd been hearing. He has several songs in the regular holiday rotation, and I like them all, but this is my favorite by far. Its basic message is very similar to Happy XMas, expressing optimism that people can refrain from violence. The melody is beautiful, and while the provocative first line - "Someday at Christmas, men won't be boys playing with bombs like kids play with toys" - is quiet and backed with instrumentation vaguely reminiscent of a music box, it builds in intensity, with choral backing and lots of soulful vocals, particularly on the wistful line, "Maybe not in time for you and me, but someday at Christmastime."

Light One Candle - I never hear this one on the radio, and more's the pity. This is one of two outstanding songs penned by Peter Yarrow that appear on our well-worn Peter Paul and Mary Christmas album. The Magi (The Heart of Man's a Palace) is just as fantastic, but Light One Candle sticks in my head more, probably because it's generally accompanied by a crowd of glowing lights from the audience. Additionally, they don't restrict its use to Christmas concerts. This is actually a Hanukkah song, with specific references to the Maccabees and the central metaphor of ever-burning candles, but it's an anthem that's also intended to reach further than that. It's a universal call to keep (or find) the faith; by the time they get everyone in attendance singing along in jubilation, the burden and promise of justice prevailing feels tangible.

Something About Christmas Time - Easily confused with Jon Bon Jovi's I Wish Every Day Could Be Like Christmas, which is nearly as good, Bryan Adams' song, like most in this category, intensifies as it goes on. He's joined by an inspiring chorus, and there's just enough of a rock edge to this song to make me want to do a fist pump in time to the Christmas bells that chime in partway through. Another song that urges everyone to let Christmas seep into their hearts. "I know it's not too late. The world would be a better place if we can keep the spirit more than one day in the year. Send a message loud and clear."

Snoopy's Christmas - This should probably go with the novelty songs, but while some might find a sound effects-laden song about Flying Ace Snoopy to be a little hard to take seriously, I can't help but find it heartwarming. It's a very peppy song, augmented by a military drum roll, an austere recitation of O Tannenbaum and some very cheery-sounding bells. In part, I take the song as a tribute to the 1914 Christmas truce between German and British troops; in any event, it's a joyful narrative about the wonder of Christmas yielding compassion from unexpected sources. The implication? If these foes can bury the hatchet for the day, why not everyone else? Plus, it's awfully fun to hear those Royal Guardsmen growl, "the Bloody Red Baron!"

Christmas 1915 - Speaking of the Christmas truce, I discovered this gem after compiling this list.  Written by Cormac McConnell, it was recently recorded by the group Celtic Thunder, whose members harmonize gorgeously in this haunting account of a fleeting peace and the carnage that followed.  Exhilarating.  Heartbreaking.  And my favorite new Christmas song of 2008.  "Silent night.  No cannons roar. / A king is born of peace forevermore. / All's calm, all's bright, / All brothers hand in hand / In 19 and 15 in No Man's Land."

A New York Christmas - This is a 2010 discovery thanks to the mall radio.  This inspring anthem has a rock edge to it and a melody that grabbed me from the first time I heard it and just wouldn't let me go.  It captures both the grit and glory of New York City in this time of year, and its plea for an open-hearted response to the disenfranchised of society is just the sort of rallying cry that's needed in a too-often apathetic age.  "Call on your angels, come down from the city. / Crowd around the big tree, all you strangers who know me. / Bring your compassion, your understanding. / Lord, how we need it on this New York City Christmas."

In the City of David...

While many contemporary Christmas songs focus on the general joy of the season and often sidestep the Nativity altogether, several are specific to the first Christmas. These are some of my favorites.

Mary's Boy Child - This one is borderline traditional. My aunt once performed it in a choir concert, and we sang it during a Sunday School Christmas program several years back (when I was incensed at the insistence upon replacing "man" in the chorus with the gender-neutral, dorky-sounding "folks"). Still, I can't quite lump it together with sing-along favorites like Joy to the World, Angels We Have Heard on High and The First Noel, in part because I consider there to be only one definitive version of this song, and that's Boney M's. A typical group of carolers just can't replicate the energy and exuberance of their rendition, which never fails to leave me grinning from ear to ear. It helps that there's so much going on in the song, particularly towards the end, when the spiritual Oh My Lord is expertly incorporated. The harmonies are wonderful, the energy infectious, the steel drums and Caribbean accents irresistible. Simply one of the happiest Christmas songs I can think of. "Hark now hear the angels sing, a king is born today, and man will live forevermore because of Christmas day!"

The Gift - When I first heard this song on the radio last year, it stopped me dead in my tracks. I immediately turned up the volume and stood riveted to this gentle story of an impoverished young girl who nurses an injured bird back to health just in time for the grand presentation of gifts at the local church. While the version I've heard is a cover, it's so exquisite I have no great desire to listen to the original. The singer is Aselin Debison, a young girl herself, and the purity of her voice perfectly matches the innocence of the young protagonist. One thing I love about this song is the fact that it's narrative; not only that, it has no chorus, instead wandering along gradually through the verses in a refreshingly unhurried manner. Its first eight lines are a cappella, which accentuates the beauty of Debison's voice and renders the guitars that serve as the first accompaniment all the more beautiful. Even more lovely is the flute toward the end, which is meant to imitate birdsong. Basically, this is yet another variation on The Little Drummer Boy, which has essentially spawned a sub-genre among Christmas tales; it's particularly similar to the picture book The Most Precious Gift. It's pretty obvious how the story will end, but that doesn't make the journey any less awe-inspiring.

Down Among the Bushes of Jerusalem - This Irish Rovers song written by Tommy Sands doesn't stop with Jesus' birth. John Reynolds' wonderfully earthy, expressive vocals carry this lengthy ballad that describes Jesus as a rebel from his earliest days. The song is filled with Celtic instrumentation, including accordion and Irish drums. I almost think of it more as an Easter song, along the lines of Lord of the Dance, but it's on their Christmas album, and I suppose it fits in rather nicely with such songs as Mary Did You Know? "Born of honest parents and below a shining star, the word went 'round the country, and they came from near and far..."

Christmas Canon - This doesn't exactly focus on the Nativity, but it references the Christ Child and carries a note of profound hope in awaiting His return: "We are waiting. We have not forgotten." I first heard this song in its revamped version, entitled Christmas Canon Rock and featuring electric instruments and a powerhouse soloist. It wasn't until the perpetual Christmas music airplay began that I heard this original version. Both are by Trans-Siberian Orchestra, and I still can't decide which is my favorite, but I do love the classical sound of this one and the pristine vocals of the children who sing each of the three counter-melodies. They sound truly angelic. It doesn't hurt that the basis for the song is Pachelbel's Canon in D, which has long been a favorite of mine.

The Star Carol - Don't expect to hear this one on the radio either. I listen to this obscure recording, only available (as far as I know) as a part of the 3-CD boxed set Old Friends, and think, Why, oh why, couldn't have Simon and Garfunkel released a Christmas album? I know, I know... Too commercial, and I don't suppose Paul was too interested in singing an album almost entirely comprised of other people's material, or of composing a dozen original Christmas songs, especially when he is Jewish. Art did later record a Christmas album, albeit a most unusual one. At any rate, this is one of the few Christmas songs Simon and Garfunkel recorded and the only one that is not what I would call a traditional carol. I've never heard it elsewhere, though I understand that Aaron Neville also recorded it. The song sounds older than it is; though it was written in the fifties, its third and final verse is peppered with thees and thous. It's a very simple song reminiscent of Away in a Manger, but the harmonies are exquisite, and there's a sincerity to it that's lacking in the rushed rendition of Go Tell It on the Mountain from Wednesday Morning, 3 A.M.. It's my favorite of their Christmas offerings because it's so different and so lovely, without any subtly dark undertones. It's quite a shame that it isn't more readily available.

Just for Fun

I'm such a sucker for Christmas specials, and a lot of awfully fun songs have been drawn from those. Others are delightful bits of silliness independent of any overarching story.

The Chipmunk Song - You know I had to stick these guys in here. What would Christmas be without squeaky Alvin pleading for a hula hoop and ignoring the musical direction of an ever more irritated Dave Seville? This song does a great job of capturing the impatience many children feel at Christmas, and it does so with trademark bickering humor and high-pitched harmonizing. Another amusing ditty along these lines is VeggieTales' hyper I Can't Believe It's Christmas, sung by Junior Asparagus, Laura Carrot and various other Veggie tots.

Oh Santa is my favorite Veggie offering, though. Larry, always the ambassador of childlike naivety, anxiously awaits the arrival of Santa (who, viewers will note, is Bob the Tomato in a rather transparent disguise). Before the big guy shows up, Larry is visited by several unsavory guests: a bank robber, a Viking and an IRS agent. While the lengthy song is certainly silly, it also has a good message, since Larry is willing to share his specially made Christmas cookies with those who have come to do him ill, and in turn, his assailants drop their attack. Another one you won't hear on the radio, but I love it!

Mr. Heatmiser - This ragtime song from Rankin and Bass's The Year Without a Santa Claus is arguably the most memorable tune to come from their many Christmas specials. Two climatically opposite brothers square off against each other, each assured in his position that his end of the thermometer is superior. I always get a kick out of hearing the version by the Big Bad Voodoo Daddies on the radio, though I prefer the original; I find it especially annoying that the wording of one line is changed without changing the line that rhymes with it: "I’m Mr. White Christmas. I’m Mr. Cool. I’m Mr. Icicle. I’m Mr. 10 Below." If you must change it from "Snow" to "Cool," can't you change the fourth sentence to something like "I'm Mr. Cancelled School" or "I'm Mr. 'Blizzards Rule!'"? That lack of a rhyme is just jarring. Otherwise, though, this piano-drenched face-off is loads of fun.

You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch - I like this one even better, though it sounds more appropriate for Halloween than Christmas. Thurl Ravenscroft's distinctively deep voice and those deliciously ostentatious instrumentals do justice to Seuss's seriously skewered lyrics. Each line is expertly articulated, but I think my favorite moment has to be when he snarls, "You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch!" Out of context, this couldn't be less Christmassy, but it's quite a testament to the power of Christmas to think that it could transform a creature whose "soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable, mangled up in tangled up knots," into a compassionate spirit.

I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas - I only discovered this one a couple years ago, and I wonder how it could have escaped my notice for so many years. It was on an album by the Countdown Kids, who did several cheesy Christmas records that I wore out when I was little. We must have about every album except that one. When I first heard the song, I didn't believe it was actually sung by a little girl. I was convinced it was an adult trying to sound girlish, and not succeeding very well. But Gayla Peevey was only ten when she recorded the song as a fundraiser to bring a hippo to the Oklahoma City zoo. Her brassy voice reminds me of Ethel Merman. John Rox's goofy lyrics (I'm especially amused by his reference to a "hippo hero") and the brass band backup complement her over-the-top delivery, and they did the trick; the zoo got its hippo. I, however, am still waiting for mine. I guess I'll just have to sing louder!

Home for the Holidays

These last few are songs whose primary focus is domestic, with the emphasis on loved ones and how they interact with this holiday.

Aspenglow - I couldn't conclude this list without mentioning John Denver at some point. He has no shortage of qualifying songs, but I choose this one for its gentle, evocative beauty and its association with Colorado. Christmas for Cowboys is lovely as well, albeit less easily applicable. Though it's a tribute to one particular beloved town, most of the things Denver sings about in the guitar-heavy Aspenglow are the sorts of things that make a Christmas celebration merry no matter where you are. "Aspen is the life to live. See how much there is to give. See how strongly you believe. See how much you may receive."

You Make It Feel Like Christmas - One of my favorite Christmas albums is Neil Diamond's, and I've always been a fan of this original song, which is cozily upbeat. Aside from the title line, there are only a few specific references to Christmas; most of it is more of a general love song, a grateful tribute to a wife whose love endures and always manages to catch him off guard: "When people ask how we stay together, I say you never let me down." Given the fact that Diamond is Jewish, I take this song to be semi-autobiographical at best, perhaps reflecting his feelings but not the holiday trappings; then again, if he recorded an entire Christmas album, maybe he does have a tree in his living room in December after all...

It Doesn't Have to Be That Way - This Jim Croce song is a fairly recent discovery for me. I was startled to hear it on the radio a couple of years back; given his short career, it isn't often that I come across a "new" song by him, and I certainly would have thought I would have been aware of a Christmas song. This somber guitar-driven tune is very much along the same lines as Photographs and Memories, and it offers a window into the heart of those for whom Christmas may bring more pain than cheer, while leaving an opening for the possibility of a reconciliation between the man and his estranged love. "The windy winter avenues just don't seem the same, and the Christmas carols sound like blues, but the choir is not to blame."

Old City Bar - Trans-Siberian Orchestra is known for high-octane instrumental music and exhilirating light shows.  But of all their songs, my favorite is this acoustic ballad in which the focus is entirely upon the lyrics, which are delivered in a warm but ragged style reminiscent of an aged storyteller regaling his grandchildren with a tale by firelight.  Humble in presentation, epic in length, it is the one track upon which the narrative of Christmas Eve and Other Stories hinges.  A crusty bartender, a homesick girl and an angel in disguise interact in this powerful recollection of a Christmas miracle.  "If you want to arrange it / This world you can change it / If we could somehow make this / Christmas thing last / By helping a neighbor / Or even a stranger / And to know who needs help / You need only just ask."

Same Old Lang Syne - I'm ending with this because it's so unique among all the Christmas songs that get regular play on the radio, and with Dan Fogelberg's death last year, it has an even more melancholy flavor to it now. Piano and strings are the driving instruments in this reflective song, which tells the true story of a Christmas Eve encounter Fogelberg had with a former, now-married girlfriend. His vocals are achingly tender, with the sting of loss in the back of his throat before he can enjoy a moment of his reunion unencumbered. The layering of his vocals amplifies his loneliness, and his falsetto heights on the choruses are an eerie illustration of his plaintive state of mind. What's remarkable about this song is how accidentally it came about, right down to the timing. If this had happened in July, it wouldn't have gotten half the airplay it does, but because of the date, it gets to be in the Christmas rotation. It also gets an absolutely devastating last line, accompanied by instrumentation expertly approximating precipitation. "As I turned to make my way back home, the snow turned into rain." Brilliant.

So that's my list of favorites, though it's far from definitive. For instance, I didn't even touch Michael Card, who probably has a couple dozen or so original Christmas songs. I don't feel like trying to figure out which is my favorite, so suffice it to say that any of his are worth checking out, though none is likely to grace the radio airwaves, except perhaps on a Christian station. I'm sure as soon as I post this I'll think of a couple more absolutely essential Christmas songs, but this will have to do for now. If I'm up to it, traditional songs will be up next.

Meanwhile, I invite other writers to join me in celebrating your favorite Christmas songs, as few or as many as you'd like. If you'd care to join my Sing We Now of Christmas Write-off, drop me a comment or e-mail and I'll link you up! I'll keep this going through the end of December. Happy singing!

I Stifle a Yawn as The Chipmunks Sing the Beatles Hits

I love the Chipmunks. I love the Beatles. When I found an album marrying the two, I was delighted. The Chipmunks Sing the Beatles Hits is a 1964 effort containing twelve tracks of Alvin, Simon and Theodore doing their best to imitate the mop-tops. This seemed a very exciting prospect to me, and the cover shot of the boys and Dave Seville assuming the positions (and haircuts) of John, Paul, George and Ringo is fantastic. In execution, however, it isn't nearly so interesting, since nearly every song merely attempts to replicate the sound of a particular Beatles song with higher-pitched voices. Play the Beatles sped up, and you'd probably get a similar result. Still, for an avid fan of both groups, it's worth a listen.

All My Loving - There's a really joyous tone to this song, which has bouncy guitar-driven instrumentals and tight vocals. The boys switch off on solos now and then, though this early in their career it's rather difficult to tell them apart. Still, a nice opener, especially with Dave's little introduction making sure the lads have their hair on straight.

Do You Want to Know a Secret - My second-favorite song on the album, it changes up the vocals a bit; sometimes the boys all sing together, sometimes one sings solo with the others providing an echo. A nice mellow song, it's on the lower end of the register, aside from the "ooh-ooh-ooh"s, which are soft enough that they sound pleasantly flutey instead of shrill.

She Loves You - Nice fast pace, and it gives the Chipmunks a chance to do a nice bit of harmonizing. I like the exuberance and the guitar; not so crazy about the super-high "wooooooooooooo"s.

From Me to You - I like the harmonies on this one too, and the guitar and harmonica are fun. The notes manage to stay mostly out of the super-shrill range, which is good for the ear drums, but nothing too notable about this one.

Love Me Do - This one is a logical choice since Alvin is so associated with the harmonica, but a decent-sized instrumental break where some trademark banter could have fit perfectly is wasted.

Twist and Shout - A very peppy song, and fun to listen to, except in for a couple of really screechy moments. My favorite part, though, is during an instrumental break when Dave helpfully - if a tad irately - lets Alvin know that his black wig is slipping off his head. All that twisting and shouting is to blame, no doubt...

A Hard Day's Night - I like the guitar work on this one, and it's a great song to begin with, the Chipmunks just don't really add anything to it - other than an octave or two...

P. S. I Love You - This sweet, sentimental song is my favorite song on the album, partly because it's entirely new to me. Somehow I managed to miss this one in its original form, but I'll certainly be seeking it out. The Chipmunks don't get too shrill on this one even for one note, and I love the singing style, with Alvin going solo but Simon and Theodore chiming in on certain words. There's a clarity and precision to it that's lacking in most of the other tracks, and it's wonderfully melodic.

I Saw Her Standing There - Bouncy, but it goes on too long and too often dissolves into unpleasant screeching.

Can't Buy Me Love - Another track with nice guitar and a peppy beat. Toward the middle, there's a groovy little guitar solo and a shouted instruction from Dave, but otherwise it's just the Chipmunks singing in unison and there's nothing too exciting about it.

Please Please Me - Fast and fun, a pretty good track aside from the fact that the middle portion is pretty much incomprehensible.

I Wanna Hold Your Hand - The Chipmunks do a nice job of harmonizing on this classic song, but the pace seems draggingly slow, and the note on "haaaaand" is ear-piercingly high. There's nothing uniquely Chipmunky about it, which is a shame because I would think there would be a lot of comedic potential here. As it is, it's not a terribly exciting way to end the album.

Then again, most of these tracks aren't very exciting. Voices that sound like they're on helium are fun, but what makes the Chipmunks so appealing - for me, anyway - is the humor they put into their songs. Aside from a couple of comments about the hair, that's entirely absent here, making it a fun little tribute but a pretty dull album overall that just doesn't live up to the cover's potential. It doesn't help that the Chipmunks' personalities and voices don't seem to be very well differentiated at this point. For the lover of Chipmunks and Beatles, this is a fun little piece of history, but The Chipmunks Sing the Beatles Hits isn't an album that's likely to get a lot of replay.

Here's Looking At Me! - Alvin and the Chipmunks

Here's Looking at Me! is not my favorite album by Alvin and the Chipmunks, but it's still pretty decent.

Sing a Song Along with the Chipmunks (and Dave Seville)

This second album of the Chipmunks is another one of those taped albums that has survived my childhood, though only barely. It’s been played so many million times (including several turns through my brother’s official Home Alone 2 Talkboy to see what they boys sound like slowed down) that the Chipmunks’ side of the tape snaps and crackles more than the Rice Krispies jingles that follow it. Time to go out and find a real copy of this album. I’ve never seen it sold in stores, but I’ve never specifically looked for it either. It’s not the most exciting selection of songs the Chipmunks have ever done, but as in so many other cases, the album that introduced me to these unconventional artists is my favorite.

Sing Again With the Chipmunks - This song is just an upbeat introduction to the album, encouraging listeners to engage themselves in the performance and have a grand old time. Dave plays master of ceremonies, leading into the boys’ number, which is nicely accompanied by a saxophone. “Come on and sing again, have a fling again, sing a song along with the Chipmunks. We’ll have lots of fun with the songs you know. Join right in, be part of the show.”

Coming ‘Round the Mountain - One of several very simple traditional songs that appear on this album, probably because, as the previous song indicates, they want the listeners to sing along to a bunch of old familiar favorites. This track features a mysterious-sounding drumbeat, eventually another saxophone, and the increasing volume of the boys as the song progresses. They start out solo and whispering and wind up singing together at the top of their lungs. By the end of the song, they’re really into it and they add their own dramatic touch to the conclusion before fading out in the same style as the beginning. “Look there, comin’ ‘round the mountain. Look out, she’s my gal. Look, she made it round the mountain. Doggone her, she missed the stage.”

Home on the Range - Not a whole lot you can do with this song, or so you would think. But the Chipmunks do. In fact, they manage to make this simple little western ditty one of the most entertaining tracks on the album. How? Why, the irrepressible Alvin, of course. He’s got the lead vocals on the second line, but he just can’t seem to get the key word right. During a break in the singing, Dave lectures Alvin on the difference between an “antelope” (“a little deer”) and a “cantaloupe” (“something you eat”), attempting to impress upon Alvin the fact that the former is the correct word to use. Alvin, however, isn’t inclined to pay a whole lot of attention, and he decides he’s had it with the scolding. He doesn’t care what’s roaming around on the range, he’s in the mood for some munchies. As a distressed Dave asks the boys where they’re headed, Simon patiently explains, a la Tim Taylor after a nice conversation with Wilson, “We’re gonna get us a cantaloupe. That’s a dear little somethin’ to eat.”

I Wish I Had a Horse - This is a great song too, an upbeat western tune with which I could always identify. Hoofbeats punctuate this fanciful ditty in which the boys dream of owning their own horse, something I did myself many times! Alvin hams it up at one point by dramatically reciting the lyrics William Shatner-style. Other than that, pretty straightforward. “I wish I had a horse, a sweet and gentle horse. He’d sleep right by my side. We’d be buddies till the very end ‘cause everybody knows a horse is man’s best friend.”

Swanee River - When Dave proposes “something Southern,” the boys think he’s talking about food. But when he clarifies that he means singing something Southern, they decide that would be just fine too. The intermission includes, for no apparent reason, the “Why did the chicken cross the street?” joke. Not a whole lot to this song. “Oh, the world is sad and weary everywhere I roam. Oh, Mama, how my heart grows weary far from the old folks at home.”

When Johnny Comes Marching Home - This drum-heavy march is also pretty straightforward, other than including an order from Dave for the boys to march. There’s an instrumental intermission but no dialogue to fill it. Not too many extra touches here. “The boys will cheer and the men will shout, the ladies’ maids will all turn out, and we’ll all be gay when Johnny comes marchin’ home.”

Sing a Goofy Song - One of my favorite tracks, this is mostly Dave’s show, with the Chipmunks filling in with “ree-di-do”s and “ooh-ooh-ooh”s. This chipper song encourages the listeners to sing a goofy tune in order to make life more fun. After the intermission, which includes Alvin once again not copying instructions from Dave properly, the Chipmunks sing, and after this verse, Dave takes a moment to say what a success the song was. Trouble is, it’s not over yet, and now he’s jinxed it. The song trails out on him arguing with the boys that his part of the song was just as well done as theirs. “Even if you’re on the job, now is the time to start. If your boss will not let you sing it out, you can sing it in your heart.”

Swing Low Sweet Chariot - The Chipmunks tackle this gospel song nicely, with a little help from that sax again and some rhythmic clapping. This intermission doesn’t have any talking either, but it’s a pretty enjoyable song in spite of the lack of comedy. I guess they needed a break after the excessive goofiness of the last song! “I looked over Jordan and what did I see (comin’ for to carry me home)? A band of angels comin’ after me (comin’ for to carry me home).”

Witch Doctor - This, along with The Chipmunk Song (which is not on this album), is the Chipmunks’ signature tune. This song actually preceded the Chipmunks; the voices were there, but they did not yet have personalities. Here, the Chipmunks recall that recording history and beg to do the song themselves. Dave still gets the main vocals, with the boys restricted to the “ooh ee ooh ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang” until the last verse. A very fun song, especially for car trips, and very distinctly a Chipmunks song. “You’ve been keepin’ love from me just like you were a miser, and I’ll admit I wasn’t very smart. So I went out and found myself a guy who’s so much wiser, and he told me the way to win your heart.”

Working on the Railroad - Another old traditional song, it begins with the boys and Dave swinging their hammers on the tracks, with Dave always winding up on the receiving end of someone’s hammer. This little shtick is repeated at the end of the song, but beyond that it’s a very straight reading of the song with few embellishments. “I’ve been workin’ on the railroad all the livelong day, I’ve been workin’ on the railroad just to pass the time away.”

Row Your Boat - After an instrumental introduction with the tune Sailing, Sailing, the boys launch into this rowing song. They also sing lyrics that seem to be verses to the song, but I’ve never heard them outside this context so perhaps they were added for this version. “It’s a joy, lot of fun. If you get a little luck you’ve got the sun to guide you. Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream…”

Alvin’s Orchestra - A great way to close out the album. This is a hilarious song that is Alvin at his best (or worst?). He’s singing a simple little song about how much fun it is to go for a ride through the countryside, and he’s decided to employ a 50-piece orchestra to help him in the effort. The ludicrously unnecessary orchestra infuriates Dave, who stews throughout the song about the money this is costing him. “Children wavin’ you a big ‘hello,’ and he’s still worryin’ about the dough!” Unfortunately for Dave, every time he tries to protest, Alvin cues the orchestra. “I absolutely cannot understand a single word you’re saying,” Alvin announces, irking him further. Poor Dave!

A great album, played to the breaking point by my family. The more traditional songs mostly allow opportunities for easy sing-alongs, while the more unusual tunes give the Chipmunks a chance to let their comedy shine. This is Alvin and company at their best.

Dog Comedy is the Best of the Look Who's Talking Trilogy

I've seen all three Look Who's Talking movies, and I enjoyed this film more than its predecessors. All three are okay but not exactly great cinema. In this third installment, young Mikey and Julie are old enough to talk. Mikey is played by the young man from Phenomenon and Seventh Heaven, and while I don't recognize the actress playing Julie, I am relieved that she is old enough to talk here because Roseanne struck me like nails on a chalkboard in the second movie.

Kirstie Alley and John Travolta are still the parents, and this film introduces the new characters of Rocks and Daphne, played by Danny DeVito and Diane Keaton. At the beginning of the movie, Dad receives a very nice position with an airline while Mom loses her job of nine years due to cutbacks. Her new job working as an elf in a Santa display at the mall is less than ideal, but her kids are thrilled that she gets to work so closely with the big guy. Mikey in particular is impressed, and he is convinced that Santa is going to bring him the gift of his dreams: a dog. That is, until he wanders into the dressing room after hours and discovers that Santa is a fake.

Now faced with the disillusionment of his son which can't even be shaken by an entertaining lip-synching performance of The Chipmunk Song, Dad thinks it's time to take the dreaded step and get a dog. Behind his wife's back, he takes Mikey to the kennel and snatches a mutt right out of the jaws of the extermination chamber. But as if Mom isn't going to be mad enough already, Dad's attractive British boss shows up with her Radcliffe-trained poodle, accompanied by a steady stream of accessories. Now the family has two dogs and, increasingly, no dad as he continues to be called away for flights all around the world. As Christmas approaches, it becomes more and more clear that this boss has less than honorable intentions as she keeps him on the job, and the family begins to wonder whether Dad is ever coming back.

Meanwhile, Rocks is a holy terror, tearing up the household at every opportunity. Though initially met with great disdain by Daphne, the two eventually bond in a Lady and the Tramp-esque late-night adventure. But the frazzled mother has had enough of Rocks' antics, and it looks like he's headed straight back for the pound. Is the family doomed to an unhappy Christmas without dog or Dad, or is there just enough holiday magic to bring this family together?

I guess I'm just a sucker for dog movies, and that's probably why this is my favorite of the three films. I also appreciate the faithfulness of John Travolta's character to his wife and family. The kids are also now old enough to speak for themselves, and they do a fine job of it. This film still has a fair share of crude humor which I could certainly do without, but it you can ignore those parts then this is a decent movie to check out. It's not great, but it's not bad, either. If you liked the first two films, you'll like this one, and if you're like me, you'll agree that as far as this series is concerned, the third time's a charm.

My Favorite Billy Joel Album for the Longest Time

My favorite Billy Joel song will always be The Longest Time, so this is always the album I turn to first when I'm in the mood to listen to Billy Joel. The album has several great songs on it, though I must admit I tend to skimp on the second side.

The four songs I tend to listen to least are Easy Money, a rockin' song about a man frittering his life away on the slot machines, Christie Lee, which tells the tragic tale of a man whose life was ruined because he fell in love with a woman who only cared about his sax, Leave a Tender Moment Alone, about the awkwardness of trying to figure out what to say when it seems that words would only ruin a perfect moment, and Keeping the Faith, in which the speaker revisits his youth and discovers that the present isn't that much worse than the past, after all.

The title track of the album is the second song on Side I, preceded by Easy Money. This engaging tune is very high on my list of favorite Joel songs. It has a nice beat behind it and terrific words...I know you don't want to hear what I say / I know you're gonna keep turning away / But I've been there and if I can survive / I can keep you alive / I'm not above going through it again... A terrific song about a man trying to prove to a woman who has been burned by her past relationships that he is different.

Next up is my all-time favorite, The Longest Time. There's just something about the barbershop, doo-wop harmony, I guess. I love this song. Incredibly catchy and just as capable as Mary Poppins' Spoonful of Sugar of making me wish I could snap my fingers. It's another one of those "I lost you a long time ago and now I've found you and I'm not letting you go again" songs...Who knows how much further we'll go on / Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone / I'll take my chances / I forgot how nice romance is / I haven't been there for the longest time. The tune is terrific, the lyrics are great, but I think it's really the style and atmosphere that push this one over the top to make it stand out for me above all of the excellent songs Joel has ever recorded.

This Night is a beautiful, sensual love song which has its roots in classical music. Just as Paul Simon borrowed from Bach to create one of his finest songs, American Tune, so Billy Joel dips into his extensive knowledge of classical music to find a chorus perfectly suited to his song from Beethoven. Forbidden romance is the subject at hand, and the speaker's determination to ignore all his rules for the time being and enjoy the night. This night / Is mine / It's only you and I / Tomorrow / Is such a long time away / This night can last forever.

Tell Her About It is a very peppy song, much closer in style to the first song on the track than to the more old-fashioned sounding middle three. It seems to be a father giving his son advice on how to treat his girlfriend. It serves as a nice reminder that we need to be told that we are loved and appreciated. Tell her about it / Tell her everything you feel / Give her every reason / To accept that you're for real / Tell her about it / Tell her all your crazy dreams / Let her know you need her / Let her know how much she means.

Then over to Side II, where Uptown Girl is the first cut. This is a great song, and another very high on my list of favorites. Not as doo-woppy as The Longest Time, but it's got a bit of that feel to it. This is a song about a downtown kid obsessed with a gal from the upper crust of society, sort of the opposite of The Leader of the Pack (shudder, shudder). Actually, both songs were covered by David Seville's gang, though it was the Chipettes who did Leader of the Pack and the Chipmunks who performed Uptown Girl. I much prefer the latter. Anyway, it's a super song, very catchy, and a Billy Joel classic. And when she's walking / She's looking so fine / And when she's talking / She'll say that she's mine / She'll say I'm not so tough / Just because / I'm in love / With an uptown girl.

And then Careless Talk, which shows how gossip can ruin a relationship. Both parties have heard all sorts of colorful rumors going around about what the other is doing, and the speaker is determined not to let the talk faze him. Careless talk / That's what you heard about me / Careless talk / That's what I heard about you / Everybody's telling lies / I don't even know why / Why can't people find / Something better to do...

I'm a fairly big Billy Joel fan, and this album will always stand out for me because it's the first Billy Joel album I remember listening to, and because it contains my favorite song. I highly recommend it.

Ten of the Chipmunks' Greatest Hits

Alvin and the Chipmunks have been entertaining children for decades with their high-pitched harmonizing, and The Very Best of the Chipmunks brings together some of their best-loved tunes. Most tracks feature some banter between the boys and Dave Seville, and these spoken bits are hilarious and sometimes even more enjoyable than the songs themselves.

Track one is The Chipmunk Song, the trademark of the the crooning rodents and a holiday favorite among youngsters. In it, the boys sing about their eagerness for Christmas to arrive and list their desired gifts. Alvin is especially hoping for a hula hoop, and he is so preoccupied with his thoughts of this coveted present that he's having a great deal of difficulty concentrating on the song, prompting a good deal of irate prodding from Dave. A Chipmunks classic sure to bring a smile any time of year.

Alvin's Harmonica highlights Alvin's considerable talents with the harmonica, his instrument of choice. Unfortunately, Dave did not intend for Alvin to play his harmonica during this number, and when he does, disaster ensues...at least in the eyes of the uptight parent, who insists that Alvin has ruined a very pretty song. I don't know if this is an actual song; I suspect it isn't. I can't think of too many other words that rhyme with "Veronica". At any rate, it's a delightful display of Chipmunk mischief, only to be rivaled on this album by Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.

Ragtime Cowboy Joe is a country-western tune that Alvin is getting into a little more than Dave would like him to. A trouble-making chipmunk and a six-shooter are not a good combination!

She Loves You is just a straight singing of the classic Beatles tune. The Chipmunks are very fond of the Beatles and this is only one of their tunes that have been covered in various Chipmunks albums to date.

Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star is a knee-slapper, opening with Dave announcing this "simple little sentimental song" and discovering, to his horror, that his boys have converted it into a coffeehouse standard. The merits of their jazzy rendition of the old favorite are utterly lost on Dave, despite Alvin's attempts to explain them. Even Simon's straightforward "What Alvin is saying, in his own quaint way, is that this song would be better if it were given a more modern and contemporary treatment, Dad" leaves Dave unconvinced. But never fear, Alvin and the boys will win out in the end.

Witch Doctor is another Chipmunk trademark, and according to their own history, it was their first big hit. "Oo-ee-oo-ah-ah, ting tang walla walla bing bang!" What's not to love?

Track seven, Do-Re-Mi, features a terribly confused Alvin trying to learn how to sing scales. He is assisted in this effort by a chorus of kids who show up in the later tracks, particularly in Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. I find them slightly annoying, but I guess their presence is necessary for this song. Not so sure about the other, though.

Tonight You Belong to Me is another straight song, featuring some nice Barbershop style singing by the boys. America the Beautiful is a patriotic rendering of what I still consider a better choice for national anthem than Star-Spangled Banner. And the aforementioned Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is aided prominently by that chorus of kids, whom I could do without, but has a nice running gag of Alvin letting out a Tarzan-esque bellow on the choruses, much to the dismay of Dave.

The picture on the cover is a great shot of the boys at their most two-dimensional. But even when they looked flat on the screen, their antics managed to bring them life and vigor which few cartoon characters have been able to boast. This album gives us a fine glimpse of that energy.

The Three Little Chipmunks

Irrepressible Alvin, logical Simon, gregarious Theodore: somehow these three rodents with high-pitched voices have etched themselves indelibly into the hearts of many a child of this generation and the last. Alvin's expertly orchestrated mischief befuddles and infuriates his foster parent Dave Seville, simultaneously sending the audience into gales of laughter. The characters have developed over the years, becoming much less three-dimensional. In the beginning, the chipmunks shared a flat tone when speaking and all looked like they had been slapped on the screen with a rolling pin. Their new look is much more detailed, their voices lighter, and the stories are more complicated. The Chipettes, female counterparts of the Chipmunks, have also been added: Brittney (Alvin), Jeannette (Simon) and Eleanor (Theodore).

But the same basic elements are there: Alvin's infinite capacity to cause trouble and great songs. "Dave Seville" is actually Dave and all three chipmunks, recorded at different speeds. For one person, he sure makes a great band! The Chipmunks have released several albums, and some of their songs ("Witch Doctor", "The Chipmunk Song") have become classics. And while parents may find their voices to be rather grating after a while, many of them will catch themselves singing along!