Take a Walk on the Wicked Side With Disney Villains: Simply Sinister Songs

Disney is full of characters audiences just love to hate. When these antagonists are allowed to sing for themselves, the results are often both unnerving and irresistibly catchy. The album Disney Villains: Simply Sinister Songs compiles, in chronological order, an unlucky 13 of these songs that revel in dastardly deeds.

Pink Elephants on Parade (Dumbo) - I raised an eyebrow when I saw that this song opened the album, since I never really thought of it as a “villain’s” song. Yeah, those pink elephants are pretty creepy, but they’re also figments of Dumbo and Timothy’s imaginations, and all they’re really doing is giving them a massive hangover to look forward to in the morning. The sequence in the movie is one of the trippiest in Disney history, though, so while it’s not these elephants’ fault that Dumbo and Timothy dreamed them up, it’s certainly spooky, and the demented laughter toward the beginning sounds absolutely demonic. “I could stand the sight of worms and look at microscopic germs, but Technicolor pachyderms are too really much for me!”

Siamese Cat Song (Lady and the Tramp) - Peggy Lee provides the voice of these duplicitous cats who begin to make Lady’s life miserable from the moment they enter her house. I have read criticisms of this song because of the Asian accent Lee employs and the general idea that these villainous characters are so identifiably Siamese. The song has a very Asian sound to it, but aside from the rather questionable syntax, the lyrics are basically just reflective of the way any sneaky cat would act in their situation. Unsettling for sure. “We are Siamese if you please. We are Siamese if you don’t please. Now we looking over our new domicile. If we like we stay for maybe quite a while.”

Cruella De Vil (101 Dalmatians) - This track is a bit of a disappointment because it is mostly instrumental. Sure, it’s fun to hear Roger ragtiming it up on the piano, but what most people really want to hear is the portion that is sung. Though there’s not a lot of music in 101 Dalmatians, this song is absolutely iconic, and it’s partly because of the list of Cruella’s undesirable traits, rather like the one in You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch. It’s a very catchy tune, but I think the excess of purely instrumental piano may wear on some. “Cruella De Vil, Cruella De Vil. If she doesn’t scare you, no evil thing will. To see her is to take a sudden chill. Cruella, Cruella... She’s like a spider waiting for the kill; look out for Cruella De Vil!”

I Wan’na Be Like You (The Monkey Song) (The Jungle Book) - I tend not to think of this as a villain song either, but I guess King Louie, who is so desperate for Mowgli to teach him how to make fire, does qualify. It’s just that the jovial orangutan seems considerably less threatening than Shere Khan or the tiger or ever Kaa the python. While the first three songs on the album sound sinister, this one is a jazzy dance party led by Louis Prima, with Phil Harris popping in partway through to provide his own scatting, which is really pretty accomplished until he gets a bit too carried away with things. “Oobee do, I wanna be like you. I wanna walk like you, talk like you, too. You see it’s true, an ape like me can learn to be human too!”

Every Little Piece (Pete’s Dragon) - This is the only song on the album from a live-action film, and it’s a grand one. Jim Dale and Red Buttons ponder the delicious potion-making possibilities presented by the presence of Pete’s dragon. Doc Terminus is the main schemer here, perusing lists of dragon-related concoctions and getting more excited by the minute, but his faithful assistant soon gets caught up in the anticipation as well. It’s a song that feels simultaneously sophisticated and grotesque. While there are several villain songs in the movie, this one is the most gleefully malevolent. “Dragon cartilage keeps you thin. Dragon fat is for burns. A dragon tear will clear up your skin. Watch the profits come rolling in. Watch the profits come rolling in!”

Poor Unfortunate Souls (The Little Mermaid) - Pat Carroll brings a definite Broadway flavor to this showy song in which sea witch Ursula tries to persuade Ariel that she has her best interests at heart. It’s quite a lyrically dense song, so it’s hard to catch all the words on the first listen. Even now, I find myself struggling with the words during the most rambly parts of the song. It’s a wonderful anthem, though, an over-the-top declaration of innocence from someone we know to be vile, and her delivery betrays that even as her words hide it. Jodi Benson’s Ariel seems impossibly naive next to her, or just so fixated on what she wants that she will do almost anything. Although the circumstances here are very different, the end of the song, with Ursula demanding that Ariel sing for her, reminds me a lot of The Phantom of the Opera. An impressive song. “Come on, you pour unfortunate soul. Go ahead! Make your choice! I’m a very busy woman and I haven’t got all day. It won’t cost much – just your voice!”

Gaston (Beauty and the Beast) - This is the ultimate Disney villain’s song. It isn’t until The Mob Song that we see the heights of Gaston’s wickedness in musical form, but this is his shining moment, the time when everybody in town gets to band together and reassure Gaston about how great he is. Egomaniac that he is, Gaston does not take much convincing. Richard White’s strong baritone rings out over all the other voices here as the list of his outstanding traits and accomplishments grows. Most of them reveal him to be burly and macho but not inherently a bad egg, though his perpetual self-aggrandizement is a tip-off. “No one hits like Gaston, matches wits like Gaston. In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston!” “I’m especially good at expectorating – ptooey!” “Ten points for Gaston!”

Oogie Boogie’s Song (The Nightmare Before Christmas) - I’m a little less familiar with this song than most on the album, having only seen the movie a couple of times, though I did see a memorable rendition of it at a high school dance concert not long ago. Oogie Boogie is a demonic entity who has Santa Claus in his clutches and is lording it over him. There’s a soulful vibe to this one; it reminds me of something that might have come out of New Orleans. Plenty of brass and woodwinds join in with jazzy piano and the deep, borderline demented voice of Ken Page, who displays the same alarming enthusiasm in his song in Don Bluth’s All Dogs Go to Heaven. Definitely one of the spookiest songs on the album. “You're jokin'. You're jokin'! I can't believe my eyes. You're jokin' me, you gotta be. This can't be the right guy! He's ancient, he's ugly; I don't know which is worse. I might just split a seam now if I don't die laughing first!”

You’re Only Second Rate (The Return of Jafar) - Strangely, this song is listed as having been from Aladdin and the King of Thieves, the third movie, but it is actually from the second. It’s odd because it combines the menace of Jafar, so silkily voiced by Jonathan Richman, with the showmanship of Genie, since this is Genie Jafar, who is even more powerful than the lovable blue lug who completely stole the show in the original movie. It’s sort of an anti-Friend Like Me, and Genie’s manic energy just doesn’t quite sound right coming out of stately Jafar. It’s a little overly goofy for such a fearsome villain, and some of the lines seem to be there just for the sake of rhyme and don’t make a lot of sense. Entertaining, but a notch below most of these tracks. “So spare me your tremendous scare! You look horrendous in your underwear! And I can hardly wait to discombobulate. I'll send ya back and packing in a shipping crate. You'll make a better living with a spinning plate. You're only second rate!”

Be Prepared (The Lion King) - I love this song led by Jeremy Irons, who, like Richman, really has icy sophistication down, and backed by Whoopi Goldberg, Cheech Marin and Jim Cummings as the clueless hyenas. This is a truly harrowing track, and yet it’s also fun, largely because of the unusual African instrumentation and the hyenas’ eerie harmonies. The summer The Lion King came out, I spent a couple weeks visiting my cousins, and we listened to this song over and over, switching off on who sang which part. It was a blast. Scar sounds regal here, using lofty language and keeping a tone of snide superiority in his voice that is only occasionally diminished when he loses patience with the hyenas’ incompetence and snaps at them. Bone-chilling. “I know it sounds sordid, but you’ll be rewarded when at last I am given my dues and injustice deliciously squared. Be prepared!”

Snuff Out the Light (Yzma’s Song) (The Emperor’s New Groove) - As I listened to this, I was puzzled because I had no memory of it at all. Granted, it’s been years since I’ve seen the movie, but I still would have thought the song would ring a bell. What’s more, I really couldn’t see how it fit into the plot at all. After a little looking, I was relieved to discover that I had a good reason for thinking it out of place. The song never made it into the movie and is a relic of an earlier plotline. Eartha Kitt is darkly eager here in this bouncy song in which the evil Yzma rails against the sun for the damage it has done to her. Anyone who has dealt with heatstroke or skin cancer can appreciate her standpoint, but her desire to destroy the sun is a little much… “Bats and owls and coiled sea dragons, crocodile and carrion beasts swirling in the growing darkness, join us in the coming feast.”

Yodel-Adle-Eedle-Idle-Oo (Home on the Range) - Pink Elephants on Parade has a rival in this bizarre number that is Old West meets acid trip. It starts off normal enough, with Randy Quaid’s cattle rustler Alameda Slim sounding growly and intimidating as he prepares to boast of his prowess, but suddenly it takes an unexpected turn. When I saw this in the theater, I literally fell out of my seat laughing. I gasped for breath. Tears rolled down my cheeks. Rarely have I had such a powerful attack of the giggles as I did once Slim started yodeling his head off, instantly sapping the character of any true menace. Luckily for me, the theater was almost empty. You’re missing the visuals here, which include glassy-eyed cows marching in kaleidoscopic formation as colors flash wildly, but just the audio is enough to convey how ridiculous all this is. Most of the actual yodeling is done by Randy Erwin and Kerry Christensen, while Quaid, along with David Brunham, Jason Graae and Gregory Jbara, who play Slim’s lackeys, sing the verses. After the beginning, the declarations devolve into utter lunacy and include a lot of jokes about his excessive girth. Almost certainly the goofiest villain song I have ever heard. “They call me mean, boys, depraved and nasty, too, but they ain’t seen, boys, the cruelest thing I do. You see, I yodel-adle-eedle-idle-oo…”

Friends on the Other Side (The Princess and the Frog) - This song performed by Keith David ends the album on a shuddery note. Reminiscent of the Oogie Boogie song, particularly when given the focus on the dead, it is incredibly creepy, with Doctor Facilier bragging of his skills as a necromancer. This is very dark stuff indeed, with the “Shadow Man” trying to work his persuasive magic on the unwitting prince much as Ursula does with Ariel. Upbeat but nightmarish. “The cards, the cards, the cards will tell the past, the present, and the future as well. The cards, the cards, just take three. Take a little trip into your future with me!”

This is not an exhaustive album; The Great Mouse Detective’s Ratigan and Hunchback of Notre Dame’s Frollo are two characters whose songs would have fit in well here, and they’re not the only ones. Still, this is a solid album, and while a couple of the tracks are less familiar, most are instantly recognizable classics. While few of the songs have a specific Halloween connection, the villainy being celebrated seems especially appropriate for this time of year. As October winds down, why not dust off your evil laugh and give Disney Villains a spin?

"A Llama?! He's Supposed to be Dead!" "Yeah, Weird..."

The first time I saw a preview for The Emperor's New Groove, I thought, "Boy, does that look weird." I mean, a movie about a prince who turns into a llama? Wow. And weird it is. But it's also funny, with the humor making up the bulk of the film.

Kuzco (David Spade) is a young South American prince about to turn 18. He is arrogant and self-centered, putting his silly whims above the needs of his people. I confess that I find Spade terribly annoying, so I wasn't too unhappy when his narration caught up to the scene in the beginning and we didn't have to hear his commentary anymore. It was funny at times, but mostly I found it distracting.

Kuzco's attitude doesn't win him a lot of friends. In the space of only a few minutes, he boots an old man out of the castle for throwing off his groove, informs a village leader, Pacha (John Goodman), that he will be building a resort over his town, and terminates the employment of his advisor, Izma, who is beginning to take too many liberties with her post.

Furious, Izma plots revenge. Enlisting the aid of her gentle buffoonish sidekick, Kronk, she sets about poisoning the impetuous prince. The plan is much complicated, however, when Kronk accidentally uses the llama serum, leaving a very much alive prince who happens to look like a llama.

Charged with the task of disposing of the prince once and for all, Kronk knocks Kuzco out but is unable to finish the job by throwing him over a waterfall; his confused consciences are little help, but Kronk decides on his own that he doesn't have the heart to kill the prince. As he ponders his next course of action, the sack containing the prince tumbles out of his arms and onto Pacha's cart. Hoping this won't come back to haunt him, Kronk walks away from the crowd and back to the castle.

When Kuzco awakes, he is on a mountaintop surrounded by llamas. When Pacha discovers him, he warns the prince that the way down the mountain is perilous; he agrees to guide him if the prince will nix the resort idea. Of course, this is unacceptable to Kuzco, so he continues on his way alone. It's not long, however, before the prince discovers that what he needs most right now is a friend, and he may just be able to find that friend in the form of a common villager.

The remainder of the film is an action-packed account of Kuzco and Pacha's journey back to the castle to reclaim Kuzco's humanity. With Izma and Kronk hot on their trail, the new friends overcome obstacles with wit and style. In one of the film's funniest scenes, Both the bad guys and the good guys are in the same diner during lunch, and they very nearly bump into one another on several occasions. Kuzco still hasn't quite learned to trust Pacha, but before the film is over he will need his new buddy to beat Izma on his own turf.

I had just watched Jackie Chan Adventures with my brother the day we rented this, and I felt a sense of deja vu. In that episode, Jackie and his niece capture a talisman that allows them to change into different animals, and throughout the episode they use it constantly, populating the island on which they're stranded with some very strange animals. In this movie, Izma has a shelf full of animal serums. Only one is the human potion. As Kuzco tries to locate the correct potion, a hilarious chase scene ensues that leaves the audience wondering what the characters will turn into next.

All in all, this is a film chock full of laughs, and I'd certainly recommend it. It was, at times, a little too tongue-in-cheek for my liking, and it could have used a couple more songs, but other than that it's a fine addition to your Disney collection, and certainly one of the most original films you'll find on your shelf. A prince that turns into a llama...weird.