"Ohhhhh Noooooo!!!!!"

I confess that I am relieved at the moment that my 12-year-old brother can't be coaxed into reading my on-line reviews. If he never looks, hopefully he'll never know. If someone snitches on me and he finds out, I'll be in a heap of trouble for piling salacious libel on poor Mr. Bill. I mean, he ranks right up there with Red Green! Ahem. So, that aside, I am going to spew my venom on this harmless clay creature with the squeaky voice and hope that Nathan never finds out...

For those of you fortunate enough not to know, Mr. Bill is a Saturday Night Live veteran made of Playdoh. He is characterized by his clownish appearance and high voice. In more recent history, a cousin of his by the name of Mr. Pizza Head clogged the airwaves before Pizza Hut mercifully decided to terminate his tenure as their mascot. Mr. Bill is accompanied in each episode by Spot, a little brown Playdoh dog. Together, they face the onslaught of the falsely friendly Mr. Hands (who is a pair of human hands, and who manipulates Mr. Bill and the other clay folks) and the sinister clay man Mr. Sluggo.

This episode chronicles the best of Mr. Bill's shows. Each show is approximately five minutes long, give or take. In the very first episode, Mr. Hands sounds like he just breathed in a helium tank and Mr. Bill's squeakiness factor is off the charts. Luckily, Mr. Hands has a normal voice next time we hear him, and Bill's voice is at least tolerably high. On this video, we watch Mr. Bill go to the circus, get a new house, go to Saturday Night Live, hitch-hike out of town, go to the beach, hide in the closet, go on trial, and go to the psychiatrist, among other things.

In each episode, Mr. Hands pretends that he is trying to be nice to Mr. Bill, and he always winds up chopping off or squishing some part of the clay clown or inflicting bodily damage on Spot or Mr. Bill's girlfriend, Miss Sally. At some point, Mr. Hands always introduces Mr. Sluggo, who he claims is there to help Mr. Bill. Sluggo never talks, he just plays the role of the villain. Every time he comes out, Mr. Bill moans, "He's gonna be mean to me!" Whenever something bad happens to him or his dog, he can be heard to wail "Ohhhhhh nooooooo!" And whenever Mr. Hands makes a suggestion or improvement and asks for Bill's opinion, Bill insists "I don't like it!" You've seen one episode, you've seen 'em all.

One episode is about all I care to take of this high-pitched victim, but this video's got plenty of episodes to drive folks like me crazy. You do get a reprieve, at least, with the intermission, which is a public service announcement advertising boulevards on which books are printed in Burma Shave style.

There are people who find Mr. Bill hilarious. My brother is one of them. If you think your son or daughter may be as well, DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO STOP THEM FROM DISCOVERING THIS!! All right, seriously, it's not THAT awful, but if you thought the Chipmunks were annoying...well, let's just say that Mr. Bill is not someone you want to invite into your house willingly!