A couple years ago, Weird Al Yankovic released a song entitled Skipper Dan
about a disenchanted actor who believed he was on the path to
theatrical greatness but took a wrong turn somewhere and wound up stuck
as the skipper of a jungle cruise amusement park attraction. “I’m
laughin’ at my own jokes, but I’m crying inside, ‘cause I’m workin’ on
the jungle cruise ride,” he moans. It’s my favorite song on Al’s Internet Leaks
EP, an endearingly melancholy little number, and the fact that this guy
is an actor just makes his melodrama a little more understandable. He
probably has an inflated sense of his talent, and in any case, he’s
exaggerating his misfortune. I’m sure there are plenty of people who
would love to be in his shoes. But I get it. He hasn’t won a plum role
on Broadway, I haven’t written a hit song or the Great American Novel. I
can relate.
I thought about Skipper Dan when I went to
Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom on my recent trip to Florida because
the first ride I went on in the park was the Jungle Cruise. It was also
the last ride I went on. We had two very different guides each time we
rode, and our first one seemed very much like a female version of
Skipper Dan. I couldn’t tell if it was an act and she was going for
deadpan humor, or if she hadn’t quite woken up yet, or if she was a sad
shell of an aspiring starlet who felt she’d been condemned to a
purgatory of cheesy puns on endless repeat. As much as everyone wants to
visit Disney World, I would think that working there would be an
absolute dream for most people. But maybe not… “Stay in school, kids,”
both guides warned us as the ride wrapped up. How inspiring.
While
I really couldn’t tell if our first guide was enjoying herself or not,
our second skipper, an older guy who at first glance seemed a little
crotchety, really seemed to be getting a kick out of his shtick once we
got going. That made the second time around even more fun than the first
even though we saw most of the jokes coming this time – or maybe partly
because of it. Our first guide played it very detached, almost as
though she were a recording, while the second was more interactive, and
it made for a livelier experience. Both times, we scarcely had to wait
to get on a boat, though I got the impression that lines were much
longer around midday.
The Jungle Cruise is a very relaxing,
enjoyable ride that’s just right to ease you into or out of a long day
of ride-hopping. It has a retro feel to it, with all sorts of charming
animatronics, most of which have a humorous edge to them. You’ve got
elephants spraying water out of their trunks, a rhino getting
uncomfortably close to an explorer’s posterior, a band of gorillas
trashing a base camp… There’s not much danger of mistaking these
creations for flesh-and-blood safari creatures, but the likenesses are
still strong, and it’s fun to imagine that one of them might venture
toward the boat at any moment. Additionally, because the boat moves so
slowly, it’s easy to snap pictures while you’re out on the water, so go
ahead and get your camera out.
When I was in high school, I
volunteered at the Erie Zoo every October during ZooBoo, the nighttime
Halloween event. My favorite of the many volunteer jobs was serving as
the narrator for the train ride, which took visitors through the
creepily decorated Safariland, which had a different theme each year.
The one consistent thing about the spiel was that it was extremely
corny, and after almost every ride, somebody would holler to me as he
got off the train, “Hey, you could use a new script!” But I loved it,
and I never got tired of making those punny wisecracks. Hence, riding
the Jungle Cruise had a pleasantly familiar feel to it. Almost like
coming home.
So Skipper Dan might not appreciate his job much,
but it sure doesn’t seem like a bad gig to me. This leisurely trip
through the jungle is one of the most sedate, family-friendly rides at
Disney World, and as long as you approach it with the right attitude,
it’s a tour to tickle the funny bones of young and old alike.
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