Garrison Keillor Dips Into Mysteries of Human Behavior in The Adventures of Guy Noir

“A dark night in a city that knows how to keep its secrets. But on the 12th floor of the Acme Building, one man is still trying to find the answers to life’s persistent questions: Guy Noir, Private Eye.” This intro, accompanied by the distinctive piano melody composed by Richard Dworsky, is instantly recognizable to fans of A Prairie Home Companion, the radio show that Garrison Keillor has hosted for more than 35 years. The show has featured hundreds of installments of the adventures of this hard-boiled detective voiced by Keillor; the two-disc album The Adventures of Guy Noir, Radio Private Eye collects 11 of them, with a final track dedicated just to the theme.

Guy Noir is a rather acerbic man, and he often spends time ruminating on his displeasure with Minnesota’s weather or the ignorance of today’s youth or the tendency of clients to underpay him for his services. This collection is particularly pensive. Indeed, we sometimes spend more time in Guy’s head than we do actually doing anything. Some stories don’t involve a mystery at all; others put Guy on the case but spend most of the time sidetracked. I really don’t mind; I’m used to rambling tangents from Garrison Keillor, and I often find that the more random he gets, the more I crack up. Then again, my all-time favorite Guy Noir sketch, in which Poet Laureate Billy Collins had a guest role and imitations of William Carlos Williams poems flowed freely, retained a narrow focus and kept a mystery in the forefront. Those looking for that type of story might be disappointed here.

While Guy Noir, like A Prairie Home Companion, is based in Minnesota, he often travels for business, usually in conjunction with the show being on the road in a particular city. Hence, in this collection, he heads to New York, Los Angeles and a couple of other places, always commenting on the differences between them and his hometown. He’s an equal opportunity spoofer, making fun of the habits of Minnesotans as well as visitors from other states and those he visits elsewhere. There’s also plenty of political talk, again poking fun at both sides but seeming to give Republicans a slightly harder time. He also makes a number of pointed observations about Lutherans, particularly in the two stories about New Yorkers coming to Minnesota in search of love. While I’ve never been to Minnesota, I’d say his comments about Lutherans there apply pretty well to Lutherans in other parts of the country, particularly Erie, PA.

It always amuses me to hear him go on about casseroles and mild-mannered ministers and Norwegian bachelor farmers. I especially chuckled over Guy’s warning in one tale that “When it comes to finding single men in Minnesota, the odds are good but the goods are odd.” I guess Guy would know; most of these stories involve him pining over some gorgeous woman or another. He never seems to be romantically involved with anyone for long; most of them seem to just use him for his surveillance services and then move on.

This collection does include some puzzling cases, but it’s much more comedy than mystery. Sue Scott, Tim Russell and soundman Tom Keith, who also adds zany effects to each episode, provide their voice talents playing multiple characters, and guest stars turn up here as well, though I confess that Renee Fleming and Al Franken are the only ones I’ve heard of. The tales also frequently mention famous figures. For instance, in one story set mostly in New York, we get to hear New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura and singers Michael Jackson and Bob Dylan – all imitations, naturally.

My favorite track has Guy Noir stopping in on the taping of a movie based on a Minnesota radio show in what seems likely to be a commentary on the experience of filming his own movie, though this album was released before the movie so I’m not sure how much work was done on the film by that point. In any case, it’s a hilarious peek at the trials of making a movie, and it’s hard to say whether the Minnesota yokels who can’t seem to hit a cue or the breathless Hollywood starlet incapable of pronouncing “young’un” take first prize in the cluelessness department. This is also one of a few sketches that include music, and while it’s funnier if you know what they’re spoofing, the lyrics should be goofy enough to elicit a laugh on their own, and I love the harmonies even if the song’s primary intent is silliness.

I’d never heard any of the tales on this album before. While I was a little surprised at how little actual mystery was involved most of the time, I got a good laugh over the discussion of the tedium of calling a company for repair assistance or an order of clothing, the headaches that holidays like Halloween and Christmas can bring, the degradation of the English language and the blandness of Minnesota Lutherans in general. Meanwhile, I confess a couple of the tracks inspired my sympathy, particularly one in which a high-class New Yorker falls hard for an unassuming Minnesota dairy farmer, only to conclude that there is no way to bring their worlds together.

These are stories to make you think. Mostly, though, they’re tales to tickle your funny bone, something that Garrison Keillor does very well indeed. While I’m not sure these 11 tracks are necessarily the best possible representatives of the series, they are definitely entertaining.

Make a Place for Garrison Keillor in Your Home for the Holidays

Tonight, renowned humorist Garrison Keillor - a man hailed by some as the next Mark Twain - brings his nationally broadcast radio show, Prairie Home Companion, to my own little neck of the woods. His arrival has been eagerly anticipated since the date was first announced this past fall. Yes, here in Erie, Pennsylvania, we’re serious about Prairie Home Companion. It could be our atmospheric affinity with Minnesotans; Garrison will feel right at home when he steps out on the Erie sidewalk and his hair follicles begin to frost over. It could be the considerable population of Lutherans, whose antics Garrison so aptly captures in his skits and hometown yarns. Or it could be the fact that although Erie is one of the largest cities in Pennsylvania, it’s podonk enough that its residents almost feel like we live in a small town like Lake Wobegon. Whatever the reason, Erieites snatched up all of the tickets in a few hours and will watch in glee tonight as Garrison picks apart our hometown on the stage of the Warner Theater for all those tuning in to National Public Radio to hear.

In the long hiatus between the purchasing of the tickets and the watching of the show - and the shorter breaks between the weekly broadcast, which I’m not always able to catch - I kept the edge off my hunger with A Prairie Home Christmas, which sits near the top of my Essential Christmas Albums list. This double-CD set spanning several years of PHC Christmas specials is packed with warmth, humor, and music in just the right proportions. All the tracks are worthwhile; I’ve highlighted the ones that stick out most in my mind.

Disc 1

Christmas Time’s A-Comin’
Jordan/Carols

Shop for Christmas Presents - One of my favorite tracks on the album. Generally, while there is no dearth of talented musicians on PHC, it is the zany humor that really gets me going. When you combine the two, it’s an especially welcome treat. This track begins with Garrison complaining to Santa about all the work involved in Christmas shopping, leading to Santa’s stern admonition to “shape up and shop.” He’s backed by a choir singing, to the tune of Lonesome Valley, encouragement to the weary mallers: “You’ve gotta shop for Christmas presents. You’ve gotta do it by yourself. Nobody else can do it for you. You’ve gotta shop for Christmas presents by yourself.” He does manage to drop a few colorfully illustrated hints along the way, however. If you’re ever stuck for a gift, just remember dried food, stamps, and underwear and you’ll be just fine!

Scrooge - The obligatory nod at Dickens comes this time with a theatrical twist. Walter Bobbie is an actor who just can’t summon up Scrooge’s curmudgeonly spirit. His nice-guy antics seem harmless enough until the ghost of Joanne Marley reveals to him the negative impact his untraditional performance will have on the theater.

Children, Go Where I Send Thee

The Twelve Days of Christmas - Truly one of the most insufferable songs in the Christmas carol canon. I’m not one to dislike Christmas music, but even I’ll admit this little number has given me a headache from time to time. And as if it weren’t hard enough to remember all those obscure and, frankly, ludicrous gifts, there are half a dozen slightly different versions floating around. Garrison plays on the irritation factor of this song-that-never-ends, creating my all-time favorite rendering of the song. This is sound effects man Tom Keith’s shining moment as he pumps all his energy into absurd vocal representations of the gifts. The result is as hilarious as it is abbreviated.

Christmas Gifts for the Staff - One of the most ridiculous of the tracks, this sketch has Garrison single out several significant members of the PHC staff and present them with Christmas gifts purchased with the profits garnered from a dubious business deal with a casino in Sparks, Nevada. The gifts range from the laughably luxurious - a jumbo jet, a 50-foot limo, and a farm - to the pathetically paltry - a nonexistent dog. This is wacky Garrison at his best.

If It Doesn’t Snow on Christmas - This track is actually the reason we bought the album. This was my dad’s favorite Christmas song as a kid, but he couldn’t find a recording of it anywhere. When my mom happened across this, she had to get it for him. The song, a cute little soliloquy by a kid worried about how Santa’s going to make it to his house if there’s no snow on Christmas, is performed by John McDonough, the same fellow who played Santa in Shop for Christmas Presents. Interesting contrast...

Settin’ By the Fire - This here’s my anthem. A nice laid-back tune about a person content to just sit by the fire with her dog and while her days away, not caring about anyone else’s expectations. Not too Christmassy, but it has a cozy wintry feel about it.

Nothing But a Child - This is probably my favorite serious religious song on the album. It’s performed with gusto by Robin and Linda Williams, frequent PHC contributors whom Garrison has called a more impressive duo than Simon and Garfunkel. They certainly do a nice job with this tune, which reminds us that Christmas all started with “nothing but a Child,” so at this time of year “we all can be children for a while.”

Christ Child’s Lullaby
Nowel: Owt of Your Sleep

Bach’s Christmas Oratorio - An interesting blend here of the humorous and the serious. This is mostly an amusing tale about poor Bach’s attempts to write a Christmas oratorio while working for a bunch of lunkheads teaching music to a crew of untalented pre-teen boys. But when he finally does finish his work, we get to hear bits of this deeply religious song, and it leaves us with a sense of awe and majesty, as well as sadness that this composer was not properly acknowledged during his own time.

Disc 2

A Polish Christmas with Walter Bobbie
Det Kimmer Nu
Oh How Lovely is the Evening

Silent Night - A very fun, bluesy take on the song. Not very silent sounding, but nonetheless one of my favorite renditions of the classic carol.

Nine Lessons and Carols - My dad complains about this track because it treats Christmas with such cynicism. It’s true, this is not a very heartwarming look at the holidays. But it is a hilarious peek into the chaos that mars the holidays of most families out there from time to time. The series of vignettes focus on various members of a particular family as they prepare to gather together for Christmas. Each discordant scene is followed by an ironic snippet of a carol extolling the virtues of home. You may never listen to “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” quite the same way again.

Carol of the Children

Mr. Bergy’s Christmas - Here at last is the News from Lake Wobegon, the segment of each show in which Garrison stands up and weaves a tapestry of life in his imaginary hometown, seemingly introducing threads on a whim and leaving others dangling. It’s a long time to sit and listen to one person talk, but Garrison is a master storyteller, and somehow it all comes together in the end. This particular tale is infused with little gems of wit but its overall tone is wistful, bemoaning the fact that nothing can ever be quite as nice as we’d like it to be, or as we remember it being when we were young. A rather sobering monologue.

Solstice Medley

The Christmas Pageant - Mostly religious with splashes of humor, this is the traditional Christmas pageant, including everything from the holy family’s arrival at the inn to the journeys of the shepherds and wise men and underscored by several carols.

There are Angels Hovering Round / O Little Town of Bethlehem - Although it wasn’t drawn from the same performance, this feels like a natural conclusion to the pageant sketch and makes for a nice understated finale to the album.

Christmas may be over, but A Prairie Home Christmas is worth a listen at any time of the year. I’d recommend it to long-time fans as well as the uninitiated; this album may just make you a regular listener.