A Beloved TV Dad Offers Advice on Fatherhood

My all-time favorite family sit-com is The Cosby Show, and from a very early age, I thought of Bill Cosby as the quintessential TV dad. Hence, when I happened upon his book Fatherhood at my grandma’s house, I was curious to read it. The book had been given to my grandpa as a gift shortly after it was published in May of 1987, two years before his death. I was only eight at the time, but I knew him long enough to be well aware of what a great dad he was, and I can attest that he raised three great dads as well.

Cosby’s book is part memoir and part parenting manual, all infused with the zingy humor with which he has delighted fans for decades. There are definite moments of warmth, but mostly it’s curmudgeonly comedy as he grumbles over the crazy things kids do – and remarks on how crazy parents are to sign on for it. Along with his own show, reading his book largely reminded me of two of my favorite comic strips, Baby Blues, which covers the trials of toddlerhood, and Zits, which focuses on the frustration of being – and raising – a teenager.

It seems that nothing in the realm of parenting has changed much since Cosby wrote this book. Some of the scenarios he describes have played out in very much the same way in the funny pages lately. I particularly thought of Jeremy Duncan and his hapless parents when I read Cosby’s diatribe against the high volume and low class of the music he hears blasting out of his teen’s stereo.

Fatherhood is divided into sections and proceeds in roughly chronological order from pre-parenthood to having an empty nest. Within each chapter, however, he jumps back and forth a bit. The book is largely a series of brief anecdotes and reflections, making it ideal for reading a little bit at a time. A good stopping point is likely to come along every couple of pages.

It’s clear every step of the way that Bill Cosby is passionate about parenting. He acknowledges that it’s hard work and takes parents to task for not being willing to invest their time in this all-important relationship with their children. He advocates a hands-on fathering style of nurturing children and having fun with them while also holding them accountable and helping them mature into responsible young adults. There’s plenty of good advice by example, and sometimes negative example, within these pages.

The book begins and ends with some reflections by Alvin F. Poussaint, a Harvard psychiatrist. While I read everything he had to say, I found his remarks pretty dull and overly academic. I guess they put the book into a useful context by commenting on how Cosby’s approach differs from that of many fathers in generations that preceded him, but it’s certainly not as engaging as the main text.

At under 200 pages, with lots of paragraph breaks, Fatherhood is a quick read. I got through it in an afternoon, and I’m a pretty slow reader. I laughed my way through much of it, and it made me want to watch The Cosby Show again as soon as possible and reminded me how lucky I am to have a dad who is equally devoted to his children.

Season One of The Cosby Show Introduces a Family For Many to Cherish

On Wednesday night, PBS aired the presentation of the annual Mark Twain Award to a comedian of outstanding caliber, and this year’s recipient was Bill Cosby. I watched, enjoying both the tributes and the clips of his own routines, and it made me appreciate anew the brilliance of the man, who I had the pleasure of seeing live in Erie several years ago. If you were to ask me to name my favorite humorist, it’d be a toss-up between Garrison Keillor and Cosby, and if I were to compare my average number of laughs while listening to A Prairie Home Companion and watching The Cosby Show, I’m pretty sure the latter would come out the winner.

The Cosby Show is one of those series I just always remember being there. I think I must have watched it from a very early age, always identifying with adorable Rudy Huxtable (Keshia Knight-Pulliam), the youngest of the large family, and laughing riotously over the antics of her intelligent, compassionate and utterly goofy father. By this point, I imagine I’ve seen a majority of the episodes, since the show always seems to be in syndication somewhere. But my favorites are from the early seasons, before the family expanded to include in-laws and grandchildren. Season one, with its focus on all those ordinary child-rearing hurdles that so many parents face, is probably the most iconic of all.

The first episode, Theo’s Economic Lesson, quickly establishes the dynamic of the family and the parenting styles of suave lawyer Clair (Phylicia Rashad) and overwrought obstetrician Cliff (Bill Cosby). One conversation with Theo (Malcolm-Jamal Warner), a slacker in his early teens and the only boy in the family, is particularly memorable, as Cliff tries to hammer in some sense about the importance of a good education and the realities of adult money management. At one point, Theo earnestly appeals to his father to simply accept him for who he is, a D student, a plea that in schmaltzier territory like Full House would likely elicit a tender hug. Instead, Cliff responds with an exasperated, “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life!” “I am your father,” he says moments later. “I brought you into this world, and I’ll take you out!” No, Cliff does not mince words. Nonetheless, even in the midst of a lecture such as this, his deep affection for his children is readily apparent.

Season one is filled with scenes that demonstrate his hands-on parenting approach. Another especially memorable one occurs in the second episode, Goodbye, Mr. Fish, in which Cliff, having been informed by pesky pre-teen Vanessa (Tempestt Bledsoe) that Rudy’s pet fish has died, decides to respect her sense of loss and initiate her into the rites of mourning by holding a toilet-side funeral, complete with formal attire. His over-the-top reaction to the death is very sweet and funny, while Clair, in her serene, quiet way, has a better sense of what Rudy really needs right now.

Of course, sibling relationships are very important to the show as well. Watching some season one episodes recently, I was struck by the closeness of Theo and his older, eclectic sister Denise (Lisa Bonet). Nowhere is that more apparent than in A Shirt Story, in which she offers to make him a replica of a designer shirt for his night out, only to discover that her skills as a seamstress could use a little fine-tuning. Rudy and Vanessa tend to pair up as well, though more often than not, they are bickering. Away-at-college Sondra (Sabrina Le Beauf) is largely out of the picture here, not showing up until the tenth episode, in which she must overcome Cliff’s objections to her desire to spend a summer abroad in Paris.

I’ve watched a lot of family-themed sit-coms and enjoyed many of them, but none can match the sincerity, the razor-sharp wit and the sense of a familial bond apparent on The Cosby Show. These are children and parents - and often grandparents, particularly Cliff’s stern but twinkly-eyed dad Russell (Earle Hyman) - who kid around with one another relentlessly but always maintain the utmost respect for each other (as demonstrated in Theo and the Joint, in which Theo corners a peer who dropped a joint into his bookbag, desperate to prove to his parents that he is in the clear even though they‘ve already said they believe him), who grumble about all the chaos but honestly revel in it (as shown in You‘re Not a Mother Night, in which Cliff tries to give an overtaxed Clair an evening of child-free ease).

There’s plenty for children to relate to here, as Cosby’s scripts show a keen understanding of how kids’ minds work. I always thought of Rudy in particular, who was about my age, as a potential pal and could relate to her feelings on a number of issues. There’s a perfect balance of juvenile concerns and adult situations, with some scenes more likely to appeal to kids but none inappropriate for them. The humor is clean, and you never know when they might slip in something educational, especially pertaining to music. And while Cliff and Clair tease each other, it’s also obvious in every episode just how in love they still are. In so many shows of this type, especially from the past decade or so, it seems like the spouses spend so much time barking at one other that it’s a wonder how they ever got together in the first place. After watching Ray and Debra and Frank and Marie snipe at each other for half an hour on Everybody Loves Raymond, Cliff and Clair’s constant flow of romantic gestures is so refreshing.

Several years ago, I read the autobiography of Nichelle Nichols, who played Lt. Uhura on Star Trek. In it, she recalled an encounter she had with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.. Frustrated with the way her role was often diminished by the network, she had been contemplating quitting, but Dr. King thanked her for her work and told her that she was breaking down barriers, and so she stuck with it. I can’t help thinking that the same could be said of Bill Cosby and everyone else involved with this remarkable show. Here was this warm, witty, wonderful family, and while the show often took the opportunity to celebrate their culture, their experiences cut across all sorts of divides. No matter what their background, people can find in the Huxtables a family to admire, to laugh with and to love.