Emergency, Emergency! Please to Get to Store to Make Rentings ot The Russians are Coming!

I have come to the conclusion, after having seen several of them, that I generally do not like movies about submarines. U-571? Das Boots? Monstrously depressing. Hunt for Red October? Just a notch better. Heck, even Atlantis was a downer and Yellow Submarine was an acid trip. But one submarine movie that I can always count on to satisfy my sensibilities is The Russians Are Coming, the Russians are Coming. It may help that virtually none of the movie takes place in the sub itself, and because of that it probably shouldn’t even count as a submarine movie at all. But I digress. There are a few comedies that I hold sacred (and highly quotable). Short Circuit. Sister Act. Princess Bride. A Christmas Story. Blues Brothers. Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Well, you get the idea. But my list would be incomplete if I failed to mention this gem of a Cold War film about small-town hysteria, a group of misunderstood foreigners who just want to get back home, and one man who observes the madness unfolding around him and wonders why everyone can’t just get along.

The movie stars Carl Reiner as Walt Whittaker, the straight man of sorts in this comedy of errors. While our first impression of him is that he’s a belligerent crank, we gradually come to see what an incredibly decent fellow he is – and we begin to appreciate how he might come across like Mr. Wilson when his son makes Dennis the Menace seem a perfect angel by comparison. It’s that young son, Pete (Sheldon Collins), who first notices the strange men creeping up on the house, and throughout the rest of the movie, he loudly voices his disappointment that his father is not doing enough to stop these interlopers, making it clear that if he could get his hands on a shotgun, he’d blow them away without a speck of remorse.

The strangers, of course, are the titular Russians. The movie is dated now because nobody worries much about Russians anymore, but at the time they were of grave concern. The official reason for Chekov’s being included in the cast of Star Trek was that Roddenberry thought that would be the best way to demonstrate the extent of the harmony among races in the future (though I read elsewhere that the primary motivation for his inclusion was to win over teenie-boppers with a guy who looked like Davy Jones). At any rate, the trouble begins when a Soviet submarine runs aground after its rather dim-witted and volatile captain (Theodore Bikel) comes in for too close a look at America, which he has never seen before. As a result, the sub is stuck, and he delegates a small task force to find a boat with which to pull the vessel out to sea.

Most prominent among the landing party are Lt. Rozanov (Alan Arkin), the leader who seems intimidating at first but is clearly compassionate and level-headed, and Alexei Kolchin (John Philip Law), a jittery youth whose task of keeping the Whittakers secured at home turns from hair-raising to harmonious with the departure of demon child Pete and arrival of shapely babysitter Alison Palmer (Andrea Dromm). Arkin is maturely dashing with his leather jacket and mustache, while Law is blue-eyed and baby-faced. Rozanov seems like he’s in his late 40s, while Kolchin appears to be a teenager, but at 32, Arkin was only three years older than Law. Both are a pleasure to watch – and to listen to. There is something so inexplicably musical about broken English, whether or not the actors actually have accents themselves. (They don’t.)

Walt is drawn into the events of the day because it is his house they happen to come to first. While Kolchin hides near the Whittaker household, Walt sets off for town, where he finds hysteria has begun to set in thanks to a phone call by paranoid biddy Muriel Everett (Doro Merande) announcing that the Russians have landed. The tale grows more outlandish by the minute until rumors of paratroopers and an overtaken airport whip the villagers who haven’t already packed up their bags and left into a frenzy. An instrumental aid in spreading the rumors is Alice Foss (Tessie O’Shea), the gossipy local telephone operator who initially takes Muriel’s call. Long-suffering police chief Link Mattocks (Brian Keith) has major doubts as to the veracity of these claims, but his attempts to keep order are thwarted by Hawkish Fendall Hawkins (Paul Ford), a sword-toting, decorated veteran all too eager to lead an assault against the invaders.

As we started watching this movie the other night, my dad pondered whether many Russians saw the movie and what they thought of it. Later, he wondered if small-town New Englanders might have cause to be just a mite offended by the film’s events. Certainly the foibles of these provincial characters shine, allowing the film to reach the height of its comedic potential, but there is nothing mean-spirited in the portrayal. The Russians, meanwhile, come across as consistently decent, aside from the captain’s occasional bursts of apparent insanity. In the end, though, he’s an upright chap as well, and we’re left with a vision just as hopeful as Roddenberry’s, that many major conflicts have roots in simple misunderstandings and that the people we most fear and despise often are not so different from us. A fine message indeed from one of the funniest movies around.

"Your Kids Have All Really Touched Me, and I'm Pretty Sure I've Touched Them."

I had never heard of Jack Black until 2002, and my first exposure to him was in the dubious vehicle of an MTV parody of the Council of Elrond. My next was in Shallow Hal, which I expected to find really crude and stupid but was surprised. Thus encouraged, when I saw the previews for School of Rock and thought it looked like a cute movie, I decided to go for it. While I encountered strong echoes of both Sister Act movies, I didn’t mind, and given the direction of the film, I doubt they were intentional.

Jack Black stars as Dewey Finn, a burn-out wannabe rock star – recently booted from the band he founded – who loafs around his timid, good-natured friend Ned Schneebly’s (Mike White) apartment and refuses to get a day job, much to the annoyance of Ned’s snippy, career-driven live-in girlfriend, Patty (Sarah Silverman). Motivation to make a quick buck arrives in the form of Patty’s shrill ultimatum that he pay up his part of the rent or get out, and opportunity knocks when a prestigious private school comes calling for Ned, a substitute teacher, to take over a class for several weeks. Dewey has no experience whatsoever, but $600 a week sounds pretty good, so he impersonates his friend in order to score the “gig,” and the fun begins.

Some suspension of disbelief is necessary while watching this film, especially early on. Dewey comes across as so completely incompetent, no way would any real-life administrator hire him. But it does make for some amusing moments. Once he meets his young charges, it’s clear that they are no fools; they smell a rat, even if uptight principal Rosalie Mullins (Joan Cusack) doesn’t. But they are willing to give their clueless substitute a chance, and when he discovers that several of them happen to be talented musicians, he finds a way to connect with them – and maybe gain a little bit of fame in the process.

The kids are engaging, and we get to know several of them fairly well throughout the course of the film. There’s goody-goody Summer (Miranda Cosgrove), the Hermione of the class; Lawrence (Robert Tsai), the shy, nerdy pianist; Zack (Joey Gaydos Jr.), the guitarist whose father disapproves of rock and roll; Freddy (Kevin Clark), the percussionist with a bad attitude; Billy (Brian Falduto), the effeminate costume designer; Tomika (Maryam Hassan), the insecure singer; and others. Their interaction with their initially delinquent teacher is delightful, and the musically inclined ones of the bunch are impressively talented. I’m reminded of Sister Act with the premise of a person going incognito in a job for which he seems particularly unsuited and eventually becoming a far better person for the experience. Its sequel comes to mind, meanwhile, as the children prepare for a major non-school-approved musical contest.

I confess I find Joan Cusack inherently annoying, and such is the case here, but her character is at least ultimately sympathetic – reminiscent of the harsh administrator in Anne of Avonlea whose shell Anne finally manages to crack. She’s not nearly as irritating, however, as Ned’s girlfriend, and I felt terribly sorry for the poor guy who is so used to being utterly ignored by women that he’s grateful for the absolute shrew he is stuck with. We don’t see a lot of Ned, but when we do, he’s most endearing.

All in all, School of Rock is a sweet film about the power of music to change lives, and while it’s not quite as compelling as Mr. Holland’s Opus, it should still do the trick in getting people to appreciate the importance of having active music programs in schools. The laughs and the message, together with a great cast, earn School of Rock an A from me.

I Wish I Had a Monster in My Closet!

I have yet to see Chicken Little. I’m not sure it’s going to happen, at least in the theater; I suspect it would not be an appropriate use of a trip to the big screen. Quite frankly, Disney’s latest computer animated effort looks scary, in more ways than one. It’s left me longing for the most endearing of the Disney-Pixar collaborations, most especially Monsters, Inc. How can a movie about monsters be so adorable? Why hasn’t any Disney flick since achieved that level of brilliance? (Actually, Finding Nemo came close, but no others have.)

I know Epinions needs another review of Monsters, Inc. like an ostrich needs a swimming pool, but I couldn’t resist. The premise is very clever. While the Toy Story movies imagined the everyday activities of toys while their owners aren’t looking, allowing for all sorts of creative possibilities, Monsters, Inc. subverts the old idea of the monster in the closet by showing us a world in which the monsters are just ordinary folks who provide electricity for their town by collecting the energy given off by the screams of children. The bulk of the film takes place in the titular factory, which contains a dizzying array of doors – one for every child’s room in the world. (Toward the end of the movie, we actually get to see the inner workings of the factory in a scene that reminded me both of Star Wars and The Emperor’s New Groove.) The monsters take their job of scaring the children seriously but are in fact terrified of the kiddies, as evidenced by the hilariously omnipresent task force responsible for decontaminating areas that have been touched by anything from the human world.

The variety of life in Monstropolis provides a feast for the eyes. The animators must’ve had a lot of fun with this one. Each character is distinctively freakish, with multiple eyes or limbs, fur or scales, snakes for hair or the plump body of a slug to shimmy along the floor. And yet very few of these characters seem sinister at all – the exception being Randall (Steve Buscemi), the sneaky chameleon-like rival of the film’s heroes, buddies with the incredibly working-class names James Sullivan (John Goodman) and Mike Wazowski (Billy Crystal). Sulley is a warm and fuzzy gentle giant, the steady, dependable top scarer at his company who finds himself inexplicably becoming attached to the child who mysteriously turns up in Monstropolis. Short, squat, one-eyed Mike has all the frantic energy of Donkey in Shrek. He’s sarcastic and neurotic and can’t seem to stop talking. The two make a great team, playing off one another perfectly as they strive to return the little girl Sully dubs “Boo” (Mary Gibbs) to her rightful bedroom before anyone finds out what they’re up to. Pixar still hadn’t quite perfected its portrayal of humanity yet at this point; she’s a cutie, but she seems far less realistic and vibrant than her monster counterparts. Nonetheless, she’s adorable, and the relationship that develops between her and Sulley becomes the heart of the film. Meanwhile, her antics ring amusingly true for anyone who has ever had to babysit a toddler.

Though Mike and Sulley get the most attention, there are a number of monsters to whom we are introduced. There’s Roz (Bob Peterson), the slug-like, grating secretary always after Mike to complete his paperwork, and Celia (Jennifer Tilly), his easily offended girlfriend whose snake-filled hair rattles when she’s angry. There’s the apparently paternal boss, Henry J. Waternoose III (James Coburn); the nerdy and servile Fungus (Frank Oz); the obligatory John Ratzenberger character (the gregarious Yeti) and plenty of other amusing characters. While the inclusion of Boo and the rampant slapstick are appealing to the youngest crowd, there are plenty of jokes and references especially for adults. The absolute silliness of the child contamination task force allowed an opportunity to laugh a bit at the anthrax scare that had the country in its icy grip when the movie came out. Monstropolis’ energy crisis also hits close to home; if only the solution for us were as simple as the one Sulley hits upon!

Monsters, Inc. is hilarious and heart-warming, one of the best animated movies I’ve ever seen. Let’s hope there are still a couple more where that came from.

The Horror With This Halloween Special is in Disney's Lack of Integrity

Winnie-the-Pooh fan that I am, I was eager to see Pooh’s Heffalump Halloween Movie, in spite of the potential worry inherent in a direct-to-video release such as this. After all, there had been other Pooh Halloween specials that went straight to video, and those were perfectly worthwhile. Why not this one? I loved Pooh’s Heffalump Movie (except the title, and this one is even more cumbersome and condescending), so I figured a new excursion with Lumpy would be enjoyable enough. And at 66 minutes, it was about as long as the feature film that precipitated it. Or so I thought.

I was robbed.

Let me say first off that this is not a bad movie in and of itself. It’s perfectly in line with most of the Pooh films – and considerably better than Piglet’s Big Movie, to a certain extent. Roo (Nikita Hopkins) is overcome with anticipation at the prospect of showing Lumpy (Kyle Stanger) how much fun Halloween is, as Heffalumps do not celebrate that particular holiday. Lumpy is at first just as excited as Roo, but his thrills fade into chills when Tigger (Jim Cummings) regales him with a tale about the dreaded Gobloon who lurks near the Tree of Terror. This horrific beast possesses the power to turn those it catches into Jaggedy Lanterns, and this prospect is enough to encourage Lumpy to spend the evening hiding under Rabbit’s (Ken Sansom) bed.

This is an annoyance for Rabbit, who is determined to make this the most efficient Halloween yet. In preparation, he has gathered all the candy in the Hundred Acre Wood, though I wonder how he managed that without anyone else knowing. At any rate, Rabbit attempts to assuage the youngster’s fears while Roo voices his disappointment at Lumpy’s reluctance to face the spooky holiday.

Poor Eeyore (Peter Cullen) has little to do here but proclaim his superfluity, though he does appear in later scenes in a slightly more useful capacity. At this point, Lumpy’s similarity to Piglet (the late John Fielder) is noticeable but acceptable. He’s a jittery little fellow, after all, and though it would be better to give him a more distinguishable character trait, it’s not strange for one so young to be frightened by spooks. An adventure element soon commences when Pooh (Cummings) absent-mindedly consumes all the candy in the Hundred-Acre Wood , leaving none for trick-or-treating. Roo decides it shall be up to Lumpy and him to seek out the Gobloon before it can find them, thereby forcing it to grant them one wish – the candy needed for Halloween to continue. In the name of bravery and friendship, Lumpy agrees, but will his nerves get the better of him? Or can Roo keep his spirits up with a recitation of the time Piglet experienced similar Halloween anxieties?

Okay, this is where the special lost me. The animation’s fine, the characterizations are fine, the music, while not particularly memorable, is fine. What’s not fine is sticking an old Halloween special (Boo to You Too! Winnie-the-Pooh) into the middle of the movie as a flashback and passing the thing off as more than an hour of new material. I enjoyed that special, and as it happens I don’t have an official video of it, so that lessened my ire somewhat. Someone unfamiliar with the earlier special might not care. But still. That’s just dishonest, not to mention lazy. It’s gross manipulation, insincere marketing, and I am very disappointed in Disney.

The special involves Piglet being afraid of Halloween until the knowledge that Pooh is in peril wakens secret stores of bravery. An amusing sub-plot involves Gopher’s (Michael Gough) repeated attempts to devise the perfect Halloween costume. I became a bit worried when Roo informed Lumpy that he was going to tell him this story, but I assumed it would be a brief nod and then we’d get on with things. Nope. We got the whole thing. By the end of the real movie, I realized that not only was this truly only a half-hour long special but that it was at its heart largely a copy of that prior special. Way to make the self-plagiarism obvious.

So yeah, I’m disappointed. I’d like to recommend the special, as it’s sweet and just as adorable as Pooh specials generally are, but I’m too annoyed with the unscrupulous manner in which it was presented. If they’d just shown them as two separate specials and advertised the DVD as a compilation, I would be much happier. As it is, I feel I have been taken in, and for that reason, I shall furrow my brow, wag an accusatory finger at Disney, and refuse to endorse this release that demonstrates a startling lack of integrity.