Tuesday, May 29, 2001

Three Charming Children and an Abominable Uncle

Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are three very happy children. They live in a gorgeous mansion overlooking the ocean with their devoted parents. One day, however, their idyllic life takes a tragic turn. While playing on the beach, the children are distressed to discover that their home has gone up in flames with their parents inside. Now, after a brief stay with a friend of the family who has very disagreeable children, the Baudelaires are off to live with an uncle whom they have never met. Perhaps he will be a very pleasant person who lives in a lovely house and loves children. Or, perhaps not.

Author Lemony Snicket warns his readers time and again that if they are looking for a happy story, this is not the place to find it. He inserts his admonishments in a most amusing fashion, and the reader cannot help but tread the further pages with trepidation. The children have landed themselves into the icy fingers of a repulsive man who calls himself a Count and lives in a broken-down home that feels like a dungeon. The three youngsters are forced to share one bed and are given a pile of rocks to play with. Some fun.

We soon learn that Violet has a passion for inventing things, Klaus has a passion for reading things, and the infant, Sunny, has a passion for biting things. Her baby comments are translated with much wit throughout the book. Lemony Snicket clearly has a passion for words, and it seems that every other page contains a definition of one type or another, sometimes provided by the narration, sometimes by the educated Klaus. These asides are quite often amusing as well as educational.

It turns out the the children's uncle wants nothing more than to inherit their fortune, which is currently unavailable to them. As he forces the children to slave away on difficult household tasks, he concocts a plan to realize his dream. The clever children soon realize that the schemer is up to something, but what? The gears in their brains are operating on high gear as they seek reprieve in the house of their kindly neighbor, seeking answers in her library. Will they figure out how to outsmart their captor in time, or will the first book end in tragedy for the Baudelaire children?

This book is only the first in A Series of Unfortunate Events, so I guess it's safe to reveal that they survive. But has anything really changed for the better? This book is a series of twists and turns, presented in a hardbound edition with thick, uneven pages, which gives it a very antique feel. The book can be read in a couple of hours, and it costs about ten dollars. It's a sound investment for a book sure to bring enjoyment again and again.

"Ohhhhh Noooooo!!!!!"

I confess that I am relieved at the moment that my 12-year-old brother can't be coaxed into reading my on-line reviews. If he never looks, hopefully he'll never know. If someone snitches on me and he finds out, I'll be in a heap of trouble for piling salacious libel on poor Mr. Bill. I mean, he ranks right up there with Red Green! Ahem. So, that aside, I am going to spew my venom on this harmless clay creature with the squeaky voice and hope that Nathan never finds out...

For those of you fortunate enough not to know, Mr. Bill is a Saturday Night Live veteran made of Playdoh. He is characterized by his clownish appearance and high voice. In more recent history, a cousin of his by the name of Mr. Pizza Head clogged the airwaves before Pizza Hut mercifully decided to terminate his tenure as their mascot. Mr. Bill is accompanied in each episode by Spot, a little brown Playdoh dog. Together, they face the onslaught of the falsely friendly Mr. Hands (who is a pair of human hands, and who manipulates Mr. Bill and the other clay folks) and the sinister clay man Mr. Sluggo.

This episode chronicles the best of Mr. Bill's shows. Each show is approximately five minutes long, give or take. In the very first episode, Mr. Hands sounds like he just breathed in a helium tank and Mr. Bill's squeakiness factor is off the charts. Luckily, Mr. Hands has a normal voice next time we hear him, and Bill's voice is at least tolerably high. On this video, we watch Mr. Bill go to the circus, get a new house, go to Saturday Night Live, hitch-hike out of town, go to the beach, hide in the closet, go on trial, and go to the psychiatrist, among other things.

In each episode, Mr. Hands pretends that he is trying to be nice to Mr. Bill, and he always winds up chopping off or squishing some part of the clay clown or inflicting bodily damage on Spot or Mr. Bill's girlfriend, Miss Sally. At some point, Mr. Hands always introduces Mr. Sluggo, who he claims is there to help Mr. Bill. Sluggo never talks, he just plays the role of the villain. Every time he comes out, Mr. Bill moans, "He's gonna be mean to me!" Whenever something bad happens to him or his dog, he can be heard to wail "Ohhhhhh nooooooo!" And whenever Mr. Hands makes a suggestion or improvement and asks for Bill's opinion, Bill insists "I don't like it!" You've seen one episode, you've seen 'em all.

One episode is about all I care to take of this high-pitched victim, but this video's got plenty of episodes to drive folks like me crazy. You do get a reprieve, at least, with the intermission, which is a public service announcement advertising boulevards on which books are printed in Burma Shave style.

There are people who find Mr. Bill hilarious. My brother is one of them. If you think your son or daughter may be as well, DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO STOP THEM FROM DISCOVERING THIS!! All right, seriously, it's not THAT awful, but if you thought the Chipmunks were annoying...well, let's just say that Mr. Bill is not someone you want to invite into your house willingly!

Hide and Seek with your Favorite Furry Blue Monster!

Quite a while ago, I reviewed one of my favorite childhood books, a Sesame Street gem called The Monster at the End of this Book. In it, Grover tries desperately, and without success, to convince the reader not to read to the end of the book, the reason being that Grover saw the title and is scared out of his wits. It does not occur to him, of course, that he is a monster...

While helping out with my little brother's book swap, I discovered Grover's Hide and Seek. I could tell just from the title page that this was going to be a book very much like the Grover book I had grown to know and love, so I swiped it. I was not disappointed.

Within its pages, Grover once more directly addresses his audience. This time, however, Grover's concern is hiding himself so well that the reader will be unable to find him. He is thrilled when the reader agrees to play hide and seek with him but less than thrilled to discover that he must find a place to hide on a double sheet of white paper. What is a blue monster to do?

If you've read Monster, then you'll know that Grover is an overflowing fount of creativity and ingenuity. He's got all sorts of tricks up his sleeve, from crumpling the pages to pouring down blue paint to filling the pages with thought bubbles and hiding behind them. But, doggone it, there just doesn't seem to be any way to hide that adorable fuzzy blue face! Will Grover ever succeed in his quest to win a round of hide and seek? That, dear reader, is all up to you!

Father Tim: Mitford's James Herriot

Even though this series takes place in a southern American town and the James Herriot series takes place in England, even though Herriot is a vet and Father Tim is an Episcopalian priest, even though Herriot's books are autobiographical and the Mitford books are not, I felt like I was stepping into the pages of another Jim Herriot book when I opened At Home in Mitford. The cast of characters is so rich and unique, the setting so charming, the sense of wonder and appreciation so present, I could not help but compare the two. Karon weaves a darn good story.

Father Tim, the "portly priest" of Lord's Chapel, is the central figure in this novel, though the omniscient narrator does provide us with some of the other characters' thoughts. Timothy is a gentle man with a simple routine who is discouraged with himself because he doesn't feel he is making a big enough difference. The first words he utters in this book are a prayer that God will help him be a blessing to someone this day. Little does he realize that the someone the Lord has in mind will turn out to be the biggest blessing he has had in a long time.

The "someone" in question is a huge black dog, not yet fully grown, who takes a liking to the rector and decides to adopt him. Of course, it takes the priest some time to agree to this arrangement; he hasn't had a pet since he cared for rabbits as a boy. But the furry oaf grows on him, and when he discovers that the dog's exuberance can be controlled by quoting Scripture, even he must agree that it's a match made in Heaven.

But Father Tim's life continues to be riddled with doubt and anxiety, and the burdens of the town do not help. There are the church bells which have been delayed for months. The beautiful young parishioner dying of a heart condition. The ill-mannered 12-year-old boy who comes to stay with him. The discovery that he has diabetes. The donation of a painting which may be a Vermeer. An alarmingly attractive new neighbor with a cat, of all things. And the mysterious disappearance of several objects from the chapel. And these are only the foremost issues at hand.

Delve deep into this book and discover a world of wonderful characters, simple pleasures, and devotion to God. More action-packed than Jeanette Oke's pioneer series, not terrifying like Left Behind, Mitford is the perfect middle ground which is sure to be enjoyed by anyone who ever wished for a simpler life. Christians especially will enjoy it for the way it incorporates God's presence into everyday events; Father Tim is almost reminiscent of Tevye at times. All in all, an entertaining, wholesome, and heart-warming read. I can't wait to read the second book!

Disney's Sequel Factory Does it Again!

I've been wanting to see Scamp's Adventure ever since it came out. Not that I was expecting a cinematic masterpiece, but I am very fond of the original and wanted to know what they would do with a sequel. Very few sequels actually live up to the originals, and this was not one of the exceptions to the rule. But it was good nonetheless, capturing the feel of the first one pretty well.

At the end of Lady and the Tramp, we see the happy family at Christmas with four puppies, one of whom has inherited all the traits of his father. That young upstart is the subject of this film. He's tired of being bossed and babied. "I wanna be wild and free!" he complains to his father, and to anyone else who will listen.

After being kicked out of the house for his shenanigans, forced to spend the day in the doghouse, he sees a gang of junkyard dogs fleeing from a dogcatcher who looks and sounds suspiciously like Don Knotts. I was most surprised to discover that it wasn't him, but his Knotts-like antics were some of the funniest moments in the film.

Breaking free of his chain, Scamp runs off to join the pack, not realizing that there's more to being a street dog than just goofing off all day. A tough little lady pup named Angel tries to convince him that he's not street dog material, but he won't be deterred. Upon his arrival at the junkyard, Scamp is greeted by Buster, the pack's leader, who tells him that he must pass a few tests in order to become part of the pack.

Meanwhile, Scamp's family searches frantically for him. Scamp is amazed to learn that his father was once the king of the junkyard, but he can't reveal that Tramp is his father or the old hatred which Buster harnesses will be unleashed on him. Angel confides to Scamp that she's been shuffled from family to family and wishes desperately for a home of her own. She is bewildered that Scamp is so ready to give up what she so greatly desires.

Scamp's secret can't stay a secret forever, and when Buster finds out he demands that Scamp prove his loyalty to the pack by stealing the picnic lunch which Jim, Darling, and Scamp's folks are sharing. Scamp will do anything to be part of the pack, but in the ensuing scenes he learns the true meaning of family and discovers that maybe Angel was right; maybe he's really not supposed to be a junkyard dog.

Scamp's Adventure is a cute movie which picks up where the first left off. I thought that they did a very good job matching the voices of Jock and Trusty, and a decent job on Lady. The others weren't all that similar. And what is it with these cartoons that have adults playing kids? Kinda like Stuart Little. Oh, well. There was also plenty of music in this movie, but none was particularly memorable. The end credits had a redone version of Bella Notte, and the rest of the movie was peppered with songs to fit the particular occasion. None were exactly Oscar material. Still, I enjoyed this movie and would certainly recommend renting it, especially if you're a fan of the first film. You'll be glad for the excuse to visit this charming canine family again.

A Triumphant Tragedy

I've reviewed this already, in the context of Make Mine Music. But when I saw that Willie had a video all to himself, I simply had to take the opportunity to let him have the spotlight all by himself. I first encountered Willie at the library when I was a toddler, at one of those afternoon movie viewings that they used to have. When Mom came to get me, I was bawling my eyes out; I insisted that there was something in my eye. When I saw it on Disney years later, I had to beg dust particle impairment once more. And if I watched it today, I'm sure I still would. Nothing can make me cry like this movie, even if it's only less than half an hour long.

I'm glad to have the chance to review this again because while supervising my brother's book swap, I came across a Disney book, the kind that used to come with a record, of this epic. I was thrilled...until I flipped to the end, at which point I threw down the book in disgust. "They changed the ending!" I shouted in dismay. This had to be some form of sacrilege.

I once read a review which lauded Walt Disney's chutzpah for ending Willie's saga so tragically. Disney is the land of happy endings, but the story of Willie is one of the saddest I've ever seen. For the uninitiated, it is the tale of a whale who has the ability to sing opera in three different voices -- all at once. When people begin hearing him singing out in the ocean, it causes an uproar. The news soon spreads to Tetti-Tatti, the great Italian discoverer of operatic talent. He's found opera stars in all sorts of strange places, so it seems conceivable that he could find one in the belly of a whale.

He sails out to sea with a group of sailors, determined to rescue the musical Jonah. Willie, however, believes that this is his big break, his audition which may allow him to realize his lifelong dream of singing at the Metropolitan Opera. He launches into an impressive setlist of opera tunes, and the harpooners are far too enchanted to dream of taking aim. After a while, Willie decides to show off his second voice, and Tetti-Tatti concludes, "He's-a swallowed two h'opera singers!" And when he sings in all three voices at once, Tetti-Tatti is thrilled at the prospect of finding three opera stars in the belly of one whale.

At the height of his most dramatic performance, Willie has entranced the sailors to the point that they are no longer guarding the harpoon. Seizing his opportunity, Tetti-Tatti takes aim and...a great splash, and the singing is forever silenced on Earth. Willie's seagull pal disconsolately floats around the spot where his friend fell, and a glorious sunset sweeps upward to reveal Willie, bedecked in a tiny pair of wings, singing to a celestial sold-out crowd as the narrator (who plays all the voices in this film) consoles the observers:

"Now Willie will never sing at the Met. But don't be too harsh on Tetti-Tatti. He just didn't understand. You see, Willie's singing was a miracle. And people aren't used to miracles. And you, my faithful little friend, don't be too sad. Because miracles never really die. And somewhere, in whatever Heaven is reserved for creatures of the deep, Willie is still singing. In a hundred voices, each more golden than before, and he'll go on singing, amid the applause and the cheering, forever."

It's all I can do to keep from crying as I type that. That is probably the most beautiful ending of an animated film ever, followed closely by Watership Down (whose ending is twice as beautiful in the book). The book for Willie is not an improvement. It is a travesty. Something to the effect of "Unfortunately, the net scared Willie away and he swam off into the ocean, never to return. So he'll never sing at the Met, but he'll keep singing in the ocean forever...at least we'd like to think so!" I'm shuddering as I write it. Why did Disney suddenly decide they had to shield children from the most touching tragedy ever to grace the screen? Whoever is responsible for that book, a thousand curses on your head. The Whale Who Wanted to Sing at the Met is a tragedy; to make it otherwise is to betray its integrity and belittle its beauty. Treasure the movie, and avoid the book at all costs/

An American Icon

Mention the name Don McLean, and the first association -- all too often the only one -- that your listener will come up with is American Pie. That recognition is certainly well deserved. It's one of the greatest songs ever written, and how many songs can claim to give a tidy history of rock and roll within their confines? Of course, McLean will never describe his signature song as such; he prefers it to be shrouded in mystery. And it certainly has enigmatic appeal.

My dad told me just today that it is the most requested song on our oldies station. But it is not McLean's only song, and it must be a bit frustrating to have such an impressive repertoire of music and only be known for one song. I think McLean may be compared to another McLean, McLean Stevenson, who grew to despise M*A*S*H because he was beginning to be locked into people's minds for his role on that hit TV show. American Pie is a wonderful song, but it should not overshadow McLean's other compositions to the point that it seems they do not exist. This album contains the best of both worlds, with the track everyone wants to listen to and a fine sampling of his other work.

All of my favorite songs are on Side 1. What is there to say about American Pie that has not already been said? It's sheer brilliance. How often does a seven-minute song become a hit? Not very. But all six verses are pure gold, from the melancholy first verse and the idealistic second verse to the chilling fifth verse and the sixth verse which returns to the depression of the first. The album is dedicated to Buddy Holly, who most music scholars agree is the subject of this song. When his plane, the Miss American Pie, went down, an era of music died along with him. Get out your fine-toothed comb and find references to Bob Dylan, the Beatles, Elvis, the Rolling Stones, Janis Joplin, and other major figures in music history. And listen to the unabridged version, for goodness' sake, and if you must listen to the short version, at least go for McLean's version. Madonna's passionless rendering backed by a disco beat makes me shudder just thinking about it. This album contains the full version.

Till Tomorrow is a beautiful song about a couple who cannot be together. Sweeping music and lush imagery make this love song a beautiful addition to the album. "High above the heavens, a rainbow paints the sky. White doves sing their songs of love. I watch them as they fly and wonder why can this be. Can you tell me? Would you like to discover why we're not free to be lovers?"

Vincent is another tribute song, gorgeous and tragic. Full of painting images, the song is written to Vincent van Gogh, lamenting the fact that he was so underappreciated during his lifetime. I have always thought of this song by its opening words, "Starry, starry night," which brings to mind Van Gogh's most famous painting. If Vincent could hear out of his remaining ear, I know that he would be smiling gravely in agreement... "Now I think I know what you tried to say to me, how you suffered for your sanity, how you tried to set them free. They would not listen, they're not listening still...perhaps they never will."

Crossroads completes my quartet of favorite songs. It is an introspective piece of poetry, a man examining where he's been and where he's going and believing that he's lost in the muddle at the moment. "You know I've head about people like me, but I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free and find they've gone the wrong direction." But he decides in the end not to worry about it, to continue living and just accept what life brings his way. "There's no need for turning back, 'cause all roads lead to where we stand. And I believe we'll walk them all, no matter what we may have planned."

Side 2 is, unfortunately, the neglected side. Once in a while I have an album that gets so much play on one side, the other is left alone. Ironically, American Pie and Feuilles-Oh (from Art Garfunkel's Angel Clare) are two of my three earliest favorite song, and I suffer from this affliction on both albums.

Winterwood is a nice song, kinda reminds me of Annie's Song. Lots of nice images in it. "And for the first time I've been seeing the things I'd never notice without you. And for the first time I'm discov'ring the things I used to treasure about you."

Everybody Loves Me, Baby is the song of an obnoxious guy who thinks he's God's gift to the world, but one particular person isn't buying it. And that happens to be the one person he most wants to love him. The tone reminds me of Baby Driver, one of my least favorite Simon and Garfunkel songs. "Everybody loves me, baby, what's the matter with you?"

The Grave is just plain depressing. It's not a bad song, it's just a really sad song about a soldier dying in a foxhole. "There's nothing left to do but die..." Gives me the shivers.

Babylon is an old traditional chorale, and McLean breathes as much life into it as Simon and Garfunkel did into Scarborough Fair. Also on the second side are the songs Empty Chairs and Sister Fatima. A fine collection of songs by a talented singer/songwriter who is so much more than one of the most enigmatic and powerful songs in musical history.

"A Llama?! He's Supposed to be Dead!" "Yeah, Weird..."

The first time I saw a preview for The Emperor's New Groove, I thought, "Boy, does that look weird." I mean, a movie about a prince who turns into a llama? Wow. And weird it is. But it's also funny, with the humor making up the bulk of the film.

Kuzco (David Spade) is a young South American prince about to turn 18. He is arrogant and self-centered, putting his silly whims above the needs of his people. I confess that I find Spade terribly annoying, so I wasn't too unhappy when his narration caught up to the scene in the beginning and we didn't have to hear his commentary anymore. It was funny at times, but mostly I found it distracting.

Kuzco's attitude doesn't win him a lot of friends. In the space of only a few minutes, he boots an old man out of the castle for throwing off his groove, informs a village leader, Pacha (John Goodman), that he will be building a resort over his town, and terminates the employment of his advisor, Izma, who is beginning to take too many liberties with her post.

Furious, Izma plots revenge. Enlisting the aid of her gentle buffoonish sidekick, Kronk, she sets about poisoning the impetuous prince. The plan is much complicated, however, when Kronk accidentally uses the llama serum, leaving a very much alive prince who happens to look like a llama.

Charged with the task of disposing of the prince once and for all, Kronk knocks Kuzco out but is unable to finish the job by throwing him over a waterfall; his confused consciences are little help, but Kronk decides on his own that he doesn't have the heart to kill the prince. As he ponders his next course of action, the sack containing the prince tumbles out of his arms and onto Pacha's cart. Hoping this won't come back to haunt him, Kronk walks away from the crowd and back to the castle.

When Kuzco awakes, he is on a mountaintop surrounded by llamas. When Pacha discovers him, he warns the prince that the way down the mountain is perilous; he agrees to guide him if the prince will nix the resort idea. Of course, this is unacceptable to Kuzco, so he continues on his way alone. It's not long, however, before the prince discovers that what he needs most right now is a friend, and he may just be able to find that friend in the form of a common villager.

The remainder of the film is an action-packed account of Kuzco and Pacha's journey back to the castle to reclaim Kuzco's humanity. With Izma and Kronk hot on their trail, the new friends overcome obstacles with wit and style. In one of the film's funniest scenes, Both the bad guys and the good guys are in the same diner during lunch, and they very nearly bump into one another on several occasions. Kuzco still hasn't quite learned to trust Pacha, but before the film is over he will need his new buddy to beat Izma on his own turf.

I had just watched Jackie Chan Adventures with my brother the day we rented this, and I felt a sense of deja vu. In that episode, Jackie and his niece capture a talisman that allows them to change into different animals, and throughout the episode they use it constantly, populating the island on which they're stranded with some very strange animals. In this movie, Izma has a shelf full of animal serums. Only one is the human potion. As Kuzco tries to locate the correct potion, a hilarious chase scene ensues that leaves the audience wondering what the characters will turn into next.

All in all, this is a film chock full of laughs, and I'd certainly recommend it. It was, at times, a little too tongue-in-cheek for my liking, and it could have used a couple more songs, but other than that it's a fine addition to your Disney collection, and certainly one of the most original films you'll find on your shelf. A prince that turns into a llama...weird.

A Foreboding Task: How Does One Review the Greatest Book in Existence?

We'll leave the Bible out of that, of course. I consider the Bible an entity all unto itself, and I don't know if I'll ever get the guts to review that. But in order to celebrate my 400th epinion, I knew I had to do something special. One day I will review each book separately, but all in good time. One of my very first reviews was of The Hobbit, which I basically consider as a prologue to this book. When I say my favorite book is The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit is included. I wrote that review before I got into my long-winded phase, and there's so much more I could say about it. But I'll leave it be, as a remembrance of my first days on Epinions.

Ever since I can remember, Tolkien has been a part of my life. I must have been three or four the first time Dad read The Hobbit to me; when we studied it in eighth grade, my teacher gave me an alternate assignment because I knew too much about the book. At the time, however, Dad was just finishing Lord of the Rings. It was a gargantuan endeavor, but I felt extremely grown-up when he first began reading it to me. I had been waiting all my life for this.

Only three characters from The Hobbit play a major role in The Lord of the Rings. Bilbo, the reluctant hobbit who proved that there was more adventurous spirit in him than he cared to admit, Gandalf, the powerful wizard who enlisted Bilbo to begin with, and Gollum, the slimy creature from whom Bilbo acquired his ring of invisibility. Bilbo is absent throughout most of the book; after his delightful performance at his "eleventy-first" birthday party, he retreats to the haven of Rivendell, where the elves dwell in peace. Gollum doesn't show up until about halfway through, though towards the beginning Gandalf reveals that the disgusting creature is actually a hobbit. Gandalf is still a powerful figure, a major binding force among the scattered members of the Fellowship who venture forth to destroy the Ring.

The Ring is an evil relic, the last of the rings of power forged in Mordor, where the Dark Lord Sauron lives. As a world-wide battle of Good and Evil rages, the Ring begins to grow stronger, threatening to overpower the good people who possess it. The only hope is to destroy the Ring where it was created, and thus drain Sauron of his power.

Pretty heavy stuff. This is a much darker book than The Hobbit, because the stakes are so much higher. But it is still the unsuspecting common folk whose job it is to save the day. Bilbo's adventuring days may be over, but his nephew, Frodo, the rightful possessor of the Ring, must embark on the dangerous quest, and in the end only he can destroy the Ring. He need not journey alone, however. He is accompanied by three faithful friends. Samwise Gamgee, my favorite character, is a simple gardener whose fierce loyalty to Frodo saves Master Baggins on more than one occasion. A source of much warmth and humor, he is the best friend that any hobbit could ask for. Meriadoc Brandybuck and Pippin Took are Frodo's other traveling pals, two hobbits from down the road who conspired with Sam to join their friend on his dangerous mission.

By the middle of the first book, the four have been joined by the human ranger Aragorn, a weathered man known as Strider. Narrowly escaping the forces of the Dark Lord, they convene in Rivendell to form a Fellowship of the Ring. Here they are joined by Gandalf, the elf Legolas, the dwarf Gimli, the surly human Boromir. But though they may set out together, the band will not remain united for long. Through the second and third books, the exploits of the various group members are followed as each fights evil on a different front.

Pippin and Merry mingle with the ents, the giant tree folk who who are deeply suspicious of the new creatures who have begun to populate Middle Earth. Frodo and Sam head toward Mordor, forming an uneasy partnership with Gollum along the way. Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli seek the aid of the mighty King Theoden and find a powerful ally in his niece, Eowyn. Through it all, they must summon every ounce of ingenuity and strength they have in order to withstand the forces that threaten to devour them. Though this widespread war against evil cannot end without bloodshed, it will pave the way for the ushering in of a new era, forged in the friendship and courage of a pair of lowly hobbits and their comrades.

I really don't have the words to express my admiration for this book. I, who hate war movies and cringe at bloodshed of any kind. This is one of the bloodiest books I have ever encountered. But somehow I don't mind. I cringed as Dad read about orcs decapitating people and slashing their enemies in battle, but I never wanted him to stop reading. Tolkien was an absolute master of the art of storytelling. But just telling a story was not enough for him. He created an entire world described in such vivid detail that I could picture every country in Middle Earth. He created entire languages. His love for language was such that he would not rest until he was satisfied he had found the perfect name for each person and place and developed a complex etymology to accompany it. The orcs, the ents, and the elves are only a few of the civilizations whose language is represented here.

He even wrote poetry in these other languages, creating epic Elven ballads over which the human tongue cannot help but trip clumsily. His English poetry is much easier to handle, and it is often quite beautiful. Frodo's tribute to Gandalf, Bilbo's rhyme about Aragorn, even the introductory "one ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them" are impressive pieces of verse, and Sam's poetic tale about Tom and the Troll never fails to leave me in stitches.

There is far to much to be said about this epic than can be written in this space. The story itself is simply amazing, the characters are endearing, the descriptions riveting. Not a book for the faint of heart, but if you can bring yourself to read a 1200 page novel you will reap the rewards. Every paragraph is a gem, and the writing is filled with enough wit and humor to keep the reader from ever falling into the depths of despair. Lots of great quotes can be garnered from the mouths of these in-depth characters, and you will grow to love or to loathe each character, sometimes encountering difficulty in discerning which position to take.

What more can I say? Plenty. But I'll leave it at that. Give the book a try. Read The Hobbit first, then venture deeper into the rich world that Tolkien so lovingly created. You'll never be the same again.

Thursday, May 24, 2001

Brilliant Animation Spattered with Sludge

If you come to Shrek looking for a squeaky-clean film for your five-year-old to enjoy, you've picked the wrong movie. That isn't to say that he won't enjoy it, but you won't enjoy it when he spends the remainder of the day trying to prove that his belching powers exceed that of an ogre. Just pray the imitation stops there. This is, after all, Mike Myers, the man who brought us Austin Powers. The level of crudeness is taken down a notch for this film marketed towards youngsters, but most of the humor is definitely aimed at adults who haven't quite grown up.

If belching were the only part of this movie that is somewhat uncouth, I'd go ahead and give it a hearty recommendation. But belching doesn't begin to cover the wide array of bodily functions seen here. Young children still in the "doorknob" stage of their lives will, no doubt, find it hilarious when Shrek's flatulence kills a fish, but the smelly jokes get a little old after a while. Beyond physical humor, there is quite a bit of dialogue riddled with profanity and innuendo. Most of this comes from our heroes, Shrek (Myers) and Donkey (Eddie Murphy).

That isn't to say, however, that the film relies solely upon potty humor. Shrek is genuinely funny in many places, tipping a hat to dozens of Disney movies and nursery rhymes. Prince Farquaad (John Lithgow) tortures the gingerbread man during interrogation by dipping his leg in milk and eating it. His magic mirror is frightened into talking when he sees a guard smash a hand mirror. Donkey is lifted off the ground with pixie dust and proclaims, "You ain't never seen a donkey fly!" The princess (Cameron Diaz) sings alternately with a bluebird, but her voice grows too high and the bird explodes trying to imitate it. There's even an allusion towards the end to The Princess Bride.

Most amusing, however, is the frantically friendly Donkey, who could possibly talk the ear of the Micro Machine Man. Okay, so he doesn't talk that fast, but he certainly talks that much. Nonstop. Simultaneously lovable and annoying, Donkey is my favorite character in the film.

Shrek, meanwhile, is a green grouch with a Scottish accent and unpleasant odour. Tired of being judged by his appearance, he agrees to journey with Donkey, partly because the four-legged chatterbox doesn't seem to mind his alarming appearance. But what will happen when he finds himself falling in love with the princess he was sent to rescue, in exchange for the evacuation of his swamp? Could the fairest lady in the land ever see anything in this hideous beast? And what deep dark secret is the princess hiding from her traveling companions?

The animation in this film is breathtaking. Top-notch. The premise is basically another take on Beauty and the Beast, though this film resolves itself much differently than that Disney film did. I certainly wouldn't call this a musical, but there is some singing. Donkey's humming, some background rock and roll, and a couple of incredibly annoying tunes, one welcoming visitors to Farquaad's kingdom and one sung by a dorky French Robin Hood and his merry men. I got a lot of laughs out of this film, but I also got a lot of groans. I would definitely classify it as a film for teens, despite the way Burger King has been saturated with it for the past two months. Enjoy, but be on your guard. Disney this is not.

Tuesday, May 15, 2001

Art Garfunkel Sings for America

In 1984, Art Garfunkel began a walk across America. Twelve years and 40 installments later, he completed it. This exquisite televised concert commemorates the occasion. Filmed in Ellis Island, with additional footage from Astoria, Oregon, Across America is a tribute to our country through the words and music of one of our national treasures, Art Garfunkel.

The special begins with footage of Garfunkel walking. As the introductory written narration fills the screen, explaining Garfunkel’s journey, Garfunkel’s a capella version of America plays in the background. The concert itself begins in the Ellis Island Registry Hall, where Garfunkel sings A Heart in New York.

Most of the songs in this programme are followed by a personal reflection by Garfunkel, often accompanied by a hand-lettered journal entry. After this first song, Garfunkel reflects upon the fact that his ancestors came here, evidently staying in New York because they knew people there. The camera shows us the names of his family members on the wall, and Garfunkel notes that he is very moved by this location, feeling the presence of three generations as he sings.

Next up is Poem on an Underground Wall, which, although lacking the memorable introduction preserved on the Old Friends album, is more intense than ever, growing faster and more urgent until the very end, when it slows down dramatically for the last two lines and the instrumentalists drop off before finishing the song themselves. Garfunkel compares the song with The Sound of Silence, explaining that both contain images of "urban weirdness" and carry the message that “something is not quite right here.”

Scarborough Fair follows, with the instrumentalists playing the Canticle portion. After this soothing song from medieval England, Garfunkel explains that his “contribution is to be that kind of singer...to remind people that breath is a greater thing than telecommunications.” In the age of technology and speed, we need to take the time to slow down and enjoy life.

Garfunkel introduces Homeward Bound by giving a nod to “one of America’s greatest songwriters, Paul Simon.” That doesn’t stop him from inserting the gentle jab of “tonight I’ll sing his songs again, I’ll play the game and pretend. But all his words come back to me in shades of mediocrity...”

Following this song, Garfunkel quotes Sol Lenowicz, saying, “Those of us for whom the extraordinary promise of America has become a reality are obliged to find suitable forms by which to express their gratitude.” Although he has worked hard to get to where he is, he acknowledges that “it’s a charmed life” and he is blessed by “the extraordinary amount of good fortune that has fallen into [his] lap.” He revisits this sense of gratitude extensively in the concert’s final selection, Grateful.

In the energetic Cecilia, Garfunkel’s wife, Kim Cermak, looking like a Greek goddess with her flowing golden hair and long pink gown, shares the spotlight with her husband. She adds gorgeous harmonies to most of the songs, but in this number she stands right up front, dueting with Garfunkel. When they are not singing, the two are dancing together, and singing or silent they both seem to be having a wonderful time throughout.

The next song is also a duet, but it comes without the band...indeed, without the concert hall. Garfunkel introduces the song by expressing his admiration for James Taylor, describing him as an “accuracy freak.” In fact, he prepares for his concerts by singing along to his James Taylor tapes. The ensuing duet in the park, accompanied only by Taylor on guitar, is a special treat for fans of James Taylor. Their rendition of Crying in the Rain is fabulous, and their voices are beautifully suited to one another.

In the next segment, Garfunkel explains, “my other half is echo.” He recalls that as a young child, he would remain after school to sing in the empty stairwells and hear his voice echo off the tiles. He would sing Unchained Melody and You’ll Never Walk Alone, developing an early appreciation for those goosebump-inducing inspirational songs. He remembers, as a six-year-old, “loving these songs and loving this gift that God gave me.”

El Condor Pasa comes next, complete with a very elaborate introduction which bathes the stage in red light and cats a psychedelic aura on the old favorite which Garfunkel sings beautifully. Percussionist Tommy Igoe and synthesizer player Davis Biglin are especially essential to the instrumentation here.

The mathematician in Garfunkel is evident in the next segment, in which he notes that there is a particular viaduct in New York that he likes to stand under to get a nice echo. Pondering why it is that he seems to get the most perfect echo in that particular spot, he wonders if it might be because the shape of the roof of his mouth matches the shape of the roof of the viaduct, so that roof is a larger version of that first chamber of his mouth. “I’m a little nutty that way,” he shrugs.

Two of his biggest solo hits follow, the first segueing directly into the second. All I Know, replete with the astounding pianism of Warren Bernhardt, is gorgeous, and although Garfunkel does not sing the dramatic bridge (“It’s a fine line between the darkness and the dawn...”) Bernhardt and the others play it perfectly. Bernhardt surrenders the instrumental spotlight to guitarist Eric Weissberg for Bright Eyes, the haunting theme song of the animated film Watership Down. This particular tune is quite possibly my favorite from Garfunkel’s solo repertoire, though several others compete for that honor.

In the segment before Garfunkel’s trademark, he references Plato, noting how Plato believed that in Heaven was the model of perfection for everything on Earth. Accordingly, Garfunkel has an image in his mind of the perfect performance of Bridge Over Troubled Water, and he chases after it each time he sings it, always keeping in mind the basic idea of a friend being there during a difficult time. The audience is certainly appreciative of his efforts, and his amazing rendition of the song he has some to be most known for is rewarded with a standing ovation from teary-eyed fans.

Now it’s time to bring up Paul again, addressing that ever-looming question of why the two ever broke up. Garfunkel doesn’t provide much of an answer, but his witty explanations provide clues to the tension that existed within the duo. Could it be because, in the beginning, Garfunkel wanted to call the group Garfunkel and Simon? Could it be because Garfunkel suggested a slight change to Mrs. Robinson, from “Jesus loves you more than you may know, whoa, whoa, whoa” to “Jesus loves you more than you ever knew, woo, woo, woo”? I guess we’ll never know, but the audience is happy to indulge Garfunkel as he changes the lyric in his own performance.

Feelin’ Groovy is an extra special treat because of the young man who appears to assist Garfunkel in the singing of the song. Six-year-old James Garfunkel, wearing a look of apparent utter befuddlement that most likely is merely an attempt to see under the bright glare of the stage lights, joins his father in the second verse, already demonstrating that his physical appearance is not all he inherited from his dad. He may not quite have mastered controlling his voice on those high notes, but he comes awfully close. Something tells me that when he joins his dad for concerts today, the pitch is perfect throughout and he doesn’t waver much at all. I look forward to seeing whether James decides to follow in Art’s footsteps; from what I’ve seen, I’d say it’s entirely possible.

As the concert winds down, Garfunkel introduces April, Come She Will as “pure nostalgia, back to the days when Paul and I were kicking around London,” and calls it “one of Paul’s sweetest poems about time.” This, like For Emily, Wherever I May Find Her, was always an Art-intensive song, and it sounds as perfect here as it did when it first hit the LP.

Garfunkel’s next segment continues to talk about Paul, recalling that when he crossed the Mississippi River he was thinking about Paul and imagining the two of them as Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer crossing the river on a raft. “Our development as teenage kids had so much to do with each other,” he continues, “that we became the people we are through that friendship.” The Sound of Silence is the final Paul Simon song in this concert, and Garfunkel and the band perform it masterfully, building up to a dramatic ending.

Before the final stage performance, Garfunkel reads his poem Durations, which appeared in his 1988 book of poetry, Still Water. Finally, Grateful wraps up a wonderful evening by expressing the sentiments of having been blessed and feeling God’s presence throughout life. As the chorus says, “Grateful, grateful, truly grateful I am. Grateful, grateful, truly blessed and duly grateful.”

The final image to fill the screen before the credits roll is another Garfunkel poem, also included in Still Water: “Write the poem out loud / Authorize the heart / Burn the Bridge / And be the work of art!” The credits then roll down the screen to the background of Art Garfunkel singing Goodnight, My Love, which is complemented especially well by the smooth playing of saxophonist Michael Brecker.

I own Across America on DVD, which provides the bonus of a discography and biography. Other than that, I believe the video and DVD are the same. I would heartily recommend this to any Art Garfunkel fan. It feels like you’re right there at the Registry Hall, watching him live. And although there is nothing quite like the thrill of actually being in attendance at a concert, this video does offer one advantage that the concert cannot; you get close-ups of his face.

Garfunkel is a very expressive person, so sit back and observe his facial expressions as he sings. I especially enjoy watching his mouth as he hits the high notes and as he finishes singing. Additionally, there is some lovely footage of New York and Oregon, and this enhances the experience as well.

My only complaint is that three of my favorite songs from the two concerts I attended are absent. As far as I know, Art Garfunkel has yet to record American Tune solo. Both the Paul Simon version and the Simon and Garfunkel version are wonderful, but I’d love to have a recording of Garfunkel’s solo version. It honestly moved me as much as Bridge Over Troubled Water. Also missing is Skywriter, the autobiographical masterpiece written by Jimmy Webb and, like All I Know, featuring gorgeous piano music. The third song is The Things We’ve Handed Down, the beautiful song featured on Songs From a Parent to a Child about the traits handed down through the generations. How about a second concert when the Walk Across Europe is finished?

I’ve been itching to review this ever since I got it, and now I finally have the time. I hope that all of you Art Garfunkel and Simon and Garfunkel fans out there will check it out, and maybe even a few of you who never really listened to their music. He may not sing American Tune, but does sing 17 tunes that all Americans can appreciate.

*** Addendum September 2001: I have experienced varying degrees of distress ever since the attack on the 11th, and now, as I begin to attempt the return to normal life, I've tried to find ways to remember what we've lost. In addition to the horrendous toll on human life which was the most heinous part of this tragedy, we also lost the most prominent members of the New York City skyline. I've been to New York once, and then only briefly to see the Statue of Liberty. I was desperate to see the twin towers, which I had never really taken the time to notice before on movies or television.

And I turned to this DVD. What I found were two beautiful scenes. One features the New York skyline lit up at night as Art Garfunkel sings
All I Know and Bright Eyes. The World Trade Center is featured in prominence. Even more impressive was the entire scene of Art Garfunkel and James Taylor singing Crying in the Rain, because throughout the Twin Towers are located directly between them. I found this view incredibly comforting as I watched it yesterday, and it reminds me of the strength of America and our power to overcome even this most horrific tragedy.

Friday, May 11, 2001

Inspiring Story for Anyone with a Seemingly Impossible Dream

To be perfectly honest, when my brother rented Men of Honor last week I was pretty sure that I wouldn't like it; I thought it would be a war movie with plenty of bloody action to keep my brother enthralled. As it turned out, I was entirely mistaken. This amazing true story of a young African American who went against all odds to become the first U. S. Navy diver was a thoroughly enjoyable viewing experience from beginning to end.

We get our first glimpse of the protagonist, Carl Brashear, when he is a young boy swimming to the bottom of the swimming hole near his home. Soon after, we watch as he refuses to go to school, instead opting to stay home and help his father finish plowing the field. Flash forward, and Carl (Cuba Gooding, Jr.) is a young man of about seventeen on his way to enlist in the Navy. He is successful in his endeavor but discouraged when he winds up as a ship's cook. Ever defiant, Carl literally takes the plunge -- off of the ship's main deck -- when the white enlistees are enjoying themselves in the water. Because of his speed in the water, the observing officer allows him to be a Search and Rescue Swimmer.

This is a major step up, but when Carl watches Master Diver Billy Sunday (Robert DeNiro) dive off the deck to save someone, he goes straight to his commanding officer and tells him that he intends to enter the Navy Diving School. Meanwhile, Sunday faces disciplinary action because of his insubordination when he insisted on making that dive and his irate response to the doctor's statement that he would never dive again. Fate brings Carl and Sunday together again two years later, when Carl receives his admittance into the Diving School.

Right from the start, Carl faces major obstacles to his education. No one brings him into the camp all day, and when Sunday returns at sundown he is still determined to get rid of this new recruit. It isn't going to happen. He finally admits Carl, but only one person in the entire camp is content to share a bunk-house with him. This nervous but friendly young man soon pays for his kindness to Carl in an exercise that results in his being kicked out of the school.

Every day, both Sunday and Carl's fellow students conspire to make him miserable, but Carl is determined. His dedication eventually wins him the admiration of his mates and his instructor, and his intellectual insufficiency is amended when he seeks tutoring from a young librarian who eventually becomes his girlfriend. But just as graduation seems a certainty, the camp's demented leader, Pappy (Hal Holbrook), becomes more determined to keep his school from graduating an African American. When Sunday's warnings to Carl are ignored, his final project is sabotaged, resulting in his remaining underwater for nearly ten hours, insisting upon assembling his project even though the required pieces are scattered across the the ocean floor. He is half-frozen when he comes up, but he is also a diver, despite Pappy's displeasure.

As the years go by, Carl grows ever closer to his goal of Master Diver, while Sunday faces disciplinary action again and again for his hot temper. In fact, Sunday's life is in shambles. We see him convalescing in a hospital after a nasty brawl, and on the television is Carl, who is diving to recover a bomb. After a close shave, Carl makes it back up, but before the day is over a freak accident comes along that may rob him of his dream forever...

Don't miss this incredible account of one man whose determination overcame every obstacle, and another who learned what honor truly was by watching this determined new recruit. DeNiro and Gooding in particular put in impressive performances here.

If you happen to have a DVD player, there are lots of extra features on the DVD version. These include a "making of segment", an interview with the real Carl Brushear, and about a dozen deleted scenes, the most powerful of which, in my opinion, is a scene in which the school's dogs have a race and Carl's team's dog wins. As Carl parades the pug around in victory, Pappy, who is watching from his tower up above, demands that one of the other recruits wash his dog with lye. This painful scene is yet another powerful example of the rampant racism that Carl faced during his education.

Although the language and some of the subject matter is not suited for young children, I would recommend Men of Honor to teenagers and adults without hesitation. Rent it and be inspired.

A Perfect Gift for Mother's Day

If you enjoyed Bradley Trevor Greive’s The Blue Day Book, here is another delightful volume for you to enjoy. This book, written in the same format as the first, is a tribute to moms of all ages and species. The pink cover, which proudly displays the title Dear Mom: Thank
You For Everything
, boasts an adorable picture of an orangutan infant clinging to its mother.

Before the book begins, there is an extremely appropriate quote by Abraham Lincoln: “All that I am or hope to be I owe to my angel mother.” After that follow 73 pages of polished prose and captivating photographs. Here are a few of my favorites:

I’m sure it’s hard to imagine that I was once small, helpless, and completely dependent on someone else, (4) – an elephant struggling to fit through a train door

but I was. (5) – a tiny primate clinging to a banana twice as big as itself

You sculpted my face with a million tender kisses. (16) – a chimpanzee cuddling her child

You shared with me all the values that make you so special – kindness, forgiveness, honesty, persistence, thoughtfulness, and especially patience! (19) – an affectionate cat sticking its head in the mouth of a yawning dog

[Thank you] for giving me everything I needed (and then some) to grow up and fulfill my potential, (23) – two mice nibbling atop a huge wheel of cheese

and for calling me your “perfect little angel” (24) – a bright-eyed piglet

(despite overwhelming evidence that this was not actually the case) (25) – a squinty-eyed horned lizard

Thank you for being my full-time, on-call, personal chauffeur from day one. (26) – a cat riding a racehorse

Whenever I got into a bind, you were always there for me. (35) – a mouse stuck between two pieces of wood

Thank you for encouraging me to recognize the real beauty inside me and to stand tall. (39) – a giraffe nudging her baby towards its first steps

I know we got into a flap over things every now and then (44) – a duck and her duckling flapping and hissing at each other

I’m not sure I’ll ever get over you making me kiss your great-aunt smack on the mustache! (48) – a rhino with its mouth wide open

I’m sorry for splashing around in mud puddles after you dressed me up in my best clothes and new shoes (54) – a drenched raccoon standing in a lake

and for asking, “Are we there yet? Are we there yet?” every time we went driving. (55) – a snail on a turtle’s back

I realize now what a tremendous sacrifice you made for me. I know my playtime took precedence over your rest time, (61) – a baby prairie dog stretched across its mother

and my potty training took precedence over absolutely everything. (63) – a chimp with its hand over its eyes and a disturbed look on its face

“Mom, I’m starving!” (65) – a yowling cat

“Mommy, I’m bored.” (66) – a hippo with a huge yawn

“Mommy, I can’t find my pet chicken anywhere. I need you to wake up and help me find it right now!” (67) – a screaming chimp with a chick on its head

You have shown me a world filled with love and wonder. (69) – a lion and her cub looking out over the prairie through the rustling grass

Because you are [the greatest mom in the universe]. Thank you, Mom. Thank you for everything. (73) a baby cheetah looking into its mother’s face

For a mere ten dollars, this book is sure to bring joy to one and all, especially mothers. Look through it yourself and see which pages especially apply to your beloved parent. This book is sure to bring a smile, so pick it up today. Your mom will be thrilled.

Another Good Pageant Flick, But Not Quite up there with Miss Congeniality

Mona Hibbard is a girl with a dream. She wants to win the Miss American Miss Pageant. In order to achieve her goal, she runs her own home business, pays for her own braces, and enrolls in beauty pageant lessons. She has to because her mother, an alcoholic with a perpetual headache, provides no support; her stepfather is even worse. Mona's home life is miserable, and accordingly she develops into a cold and uncaring young woman. Along the way, however, she meets up with Ruby, a compassionate and shy girl with natural seamstressing abilities inherited from her grandmother. With her help, Mona wins a prize for most unique costume in a pageant. It is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Ten years later, these girls have grown up, and pageant are still Mona's life. She has not yet met with great success, however, and she routinely sabotages her fellow contestants' acts. After being disqualified from yet another contest because of her foul play, a distressed Mona (Minnie Driver) confesses that she is pregnant. Being a mother will end her dream of winning the pageant forever. Always looking out for Mona's best interests, Ruby (Joey Lauren Adams) agrees to pretend that the child is her own. Seven years later, Mona has just been crowned Miss Illinois, and her daughter Vanessa (Hallie Kate Eisenburg) believes that Ruby is her mother. Additionally, she despises the self-centered Mona, who is still Ruby's roommate.

Now that Mona's lifelong dream is actually coming to fruition, she has to invent some substance to her life. When the pageant directors send her a camera with which to photograph her home life, Mona forces Hallie to take pictures of her doing heroic things. These include rushing a pregnant woman to the hospital via shopping cart and brushing the hair of an elderly woman. Unfortunately, her quest for photos causes enough of a disruption that the elderly woman, who is under the care of Ruby in the nursing home, has a chance to OD on sleeping pills. Ruby is accused of murder, and Vanessa is stuck with Mona until Ruby is proven innocent.

As the two get to know one another better, Mona makes another attempt to convince her mother to attend the pageant. Her mother refuses, and we begin to understand more fully how Mona wound up being such a miserable person. Vanessa is now responsible for cheering her up, and Mona decides to bring her along to the pageant. Of course, she must remain out of sight, which does not happen. The little girl's presence arouses many questions, and Mona must ultimately decide which is more important: winning the pageant or being the mother she never had to a daughter she never cared about.

All's well that ends well in this entertaining film, but the dramatic conclusion is a bit unbelieveable. So, too, is Mona's sudden change of heart after seven years of indifference to her daughter. By far the most likable character in this film is Ruby; even Vanessa, who is cute and exhibits moments of compassion, seems to have inherited her mother's attitude much of the time. Still, there are a lot of funny moments in this movie, and while I would choose Miss Congeniality over Beautiful given a choice between the two, I'd still recommend the latter; I'd just put a little less conviction behind my recommendation. Rent it and see what you think. At the very least, you will be entertained.

Tuesday, May 8, 2001

If Only All My Textbooks Were This Much Fun!

Have you ever wondered just what is contained in the pages of those oft-mentioned text books in the Harry Potter series? Well, now J. K. Rowling has given you the opportunity to find out. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is one of two wizard textbooks which Rowling wrote and are now selling for a mere four dollars, with all of the profits going to the British charity Comic Relief.

This clever volume is presented as a special muggle edition of a classic guide to magical creatures. It even includes a forward by Hogwarts headmaster Albus Dumbledore. Additionally, this 52nd edition is unique because it is a replica of Harry Potter's own book, and the comments
which he, Ron and Hermione made in the margins are included.

Within the confines of this atypically tiny book, a paperback containing approximately 60 pages, we receive a very convincing history of the classification of creatures and the steps taken by wizards to hide those with a propensity for magic. Newt Scamander's introduction includes an especially humorous anecdote concerning a monk who was assailed by a strange beast which he mistook for a ferret.

The bulk of the book is a glossary of 75 magical creatures. Each is given a description and a Ministry of Magic classification ranging from 1 to 5 Xs - XXXXX indicating an extremely dangerous beast known to kill wizards, X reserved for the ludicrously boring. For instance...

XXXXX:
Acromantula - think talking tarantula, only a lot bigger (Shelob from The Lord of the Rings)
Manticore - from Greek mythology, man's head + lion's body + scorpion?s tail
Nundu - gigantic leopard whose breath wipes out villages

XXXX:
Centaur - from Greek mythology, horse with human torso and head
Kelpie - shape-shifting water demon, of which Loch Ness Monster is one
Sphinx - Egyptian, human head on lion?s body, speaks in riddles

XXX:
Hippogriff - head of an eagle and body of a horse, major part of Book 3
Jarvey - large ferret-like beast, talks like parrot, snacks on gnomes
Leprechaun - Irish "wee folk" who speaks and enjoys mischief-making

XX:
Augurey - mournful bird, aka Irish Phoenix, whose wail predicts rain
Mooncalf - gentle bovine creature that dances in the moonlight
Puffskein - docile furball with a pleasant hum and long, thin tongue

X:
Flobberworm - an earthworm with a big appetite
Horklump - pinkish mushroom, breeds rapidly, favorite food of gnomes

Do a favor for yourself and make a difference at the same time. Buy this book, and Quidditch Through the Ages, and enjoy the fruits of an imagination so complex that it even took the time to create a curriculum for Harry Potter and his wizarding friends.

Thursday, May 3, 2001

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

Guess Who? is a fun game to play with someone who has a short attention span. The game moves very quickly, and the child will enjoy whipping the disqualified pictures down. Each player has a game board which consists of several picture cards with either blue or red backs. The game begins with all of these card standing upright. As a player poses questions about the picture which is on the card in the other player's hand, he or she is able to eliminate several possible pictures. When they are out of the running, they are placed face down.

This game is very easy to play, appropriate for children of preschool age and older. The downside of this game is that there are only so many questions that can be asked. Gender, hair color, eye color, glasses, hat, facial hair, bald...these are the most commonly asked questions, and although there are other possibilities, they grow more and more subjective. "Does he have a big nose?" "Is she smiling?" That sort of thing. It generally takes an average of half a dozen questions to determine the opponent's picture. If the person is a woman, that's automatically narrowed down to five. This is a favorite first question, so if one player has a man and the other has a woman, the one with the woman usually loses.

Guess Who? is an entertaining game, but usually you won't find yourself sending more than twenty minutes or so playing. There just aren't enough possibilities to keep the game going for more than a few minutes, and it usually gets boring after a few consecutive games. Tip: The pictures are movable, so rearrange them on your board to add variety. At least then you won't memorize everyone's position!